DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Caught in the Middle," the mother of 15-year-old "Becky," that she needs to step in for her daughter's sake. The girl's overprotective father has gone off the deep end.

I was also raised by hyperprotective parents. When I was finally allowed to spread my wings, I went a little crazy. I wanted to catch up with my friends and see what I had been missing. The result was I became a mother at 18. -- SMALL TOWN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR S.T.: When I published that letter, the roof caved in. I received more than a thousand letters and e-mails. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: The only time I was let out of the house was to go to school. I wasn't allowed to have friends call me or even attend my own senior prom. The one time a boy did call, I got the silent treatment from my stepdad for a week. I finally joined the Army to get away. I had my first date when I was 18.

The only difference between "Becky" and me is my stepfather was physically, emotionally and sexually abusing me. I am now 43 and have never married. I have a hard time trusting men. I can't stress enough how detrimental this situation can be for a young person. I'm living proof. -- TRYING TO TRUST AGAIN

DEAR TRYING: Thank you for an important letter. I'm sorry to say that at least one-third of those who wrote to comment on that letter had stories similar to yours.

DEAR ABBY: I spent several years in law enforcement and had the opportunity to investigate cases of incest among family members. One of the signs we noted, time and time again, was extreme "overprotectiveness" by the fathers who had abused their daughters. (Their motive was jealousy and paranoia that the child might reveal to their friends what was happening at home.) It might be advisable for that mother to look deeper into this. -- CONCERNED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: I agree.

DEAR ABBY: I am a physician specializing in women's health and see many women who were sexually abused in childhood -- unfortunately by their own fathers. I am concerned that Becky is being abused, and now that she has reached sexual maturity, he is making sure no one finds out. The type of jealousy described by "Caught in the Middle" can be typical of these distorted, evil relationships. Please contact that girl's mother and express my concern. This is urgent. -- CONCERNED PHYSICIAN IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONCERNED PHYSICIAN: The woman was afraid to give her name or address. I hope she sees this column.

DEAR ABBY: The same thing happened to me! I was young, sad, lonely, desperate and afraid. My father said if I told, no one would believe me. I considered suicide. I was 17 when he died, and I was finally able to tell Mom. She was devastated, but she believed me.

I have been in counseling for three years. Many women in my support group tell the same story. Becky will need counseling even if her father is NOT sexually abusing her. -- CORNELL, WIS., READER

DEAR READER: That may be true. The father may also need professional counseling even if he's not an abuser. In the words of C. Knight Aldrich, M.D., professor emeritus of psychiatry and family medicine at the University of Virginia School of Medicine: "One should not think that only fathers who are sexually abusing their daughters are overprotective. Sometimes overly conscientious parents are, too. The problem is, if parents are too rigid, their worst fears can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR READERS: Friday is Valentine's Day. While we celebrate that special day with cards and flowers, remember also to send a message from home to our brave young men and women in the military who, in great numbers, have been deployed to places far away from loved ones.

Regardless of one's personal political beliefs, our troops deserve all the support we can give them. So don't forget to join me in sending a Valentine's Day greeting via www.OperationDearAbby.net.

DEAR ABBY: All too often, ignorant people make racist jokes or comments to me, assuming I won't be offended because we are of the same race (Caucasian). They may be co-workers, classmates or others with whom I must remain civil.

The truth is I am highly offended by any racist comment. I have an African-American brother-in-law and a biracial nephew, both of whom I love dearly. It is because of them that I have become acutely aware of the damage that disparaging remarks "of color" can do. However, each time it happens in my presence, I never know how to respond. Normally I just shrug and say nothing -- then end up feeling terrible about my silence. How would you suggest I respond next time, Abby? -- FEELING UNTRUE TO MYSELF IN MARYLAND

DEAR FEELING UNTRUE: Tell it like it is: I'm sorry you feel the way you do. My brother-in-law is African-American and my nephew is biracial, and what you're saying certainly isn't true of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am an ambitious 22-year-old college senior. Two years ago, I met the man of my dreams. His name is "Wayne" and he's a youth minister. I feel like I've met my life companion.

The problem is that Wayne has a huge fear of commitment. On two separate occasions, we were engaged and about to make the announcement. However, at the last minute Wayne changed his mind and broke off our entire relationship with, "I need time."

Please tell me what to do. I am beginning to have difficulty trusting him with my feelings because he has hurt me twice by bailing out. -- HEARTBROKEN AND CONFUSED IN ALABAMA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN AND CONFUSED: Wayne may be the man of your dreams, but he clearly is not ready to make a lifetime commitment. Give him credit for being honest and all the time he needs, but in the meantime, date others and don't isolate yourself. "Mr. Right" for you may be just around the corner and as ready as you are to settle down.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for as long as I can remember. Now I'd like to tell you our story.

Close to Christmas, my husband received a telephone message from a woman in Tennessee. She said she had "a special something for him." Of course, all kinds of thoughts raced through our heads. My husband returned her call and was told that she had purchased a box of books several years earlier and had found his baby book among them. She had been trying to contact him ever since. She asked if he would like to have it back.

Apparently, when my husband's family moved years ago, the book had been misplaced. So on his birthday this year, he was reunited with his baby book after 58 years. Our heartfelt thanks to our "Angel in Tennessee" for caring enough to go that extra mile to track down my husband. We are truly grateful. -- HELEN AND MONTY HARMON, PHOENIX

DEAR HELEN AND MONTY: It's nice to be reminded that people are willing to go out of their way to do kind things for strangers. It's the highest form of giving.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My new boss is a nervy man who barks orders at everyone, and has a huge belly. I'll call him Ralph. Every few weeks on a whim, Ralph schedules office potlucks on company time and orders his employees to bring homemade dishes as a "team-building" exercise.

Ralph frequently reminds us that each dish MUST be homemade. As late as the day before a potluck, he'll post a sign-up sheet in the lunchroom that dictates food categories and limits. (For example, only two people may bring salads, etc.)

I e-mailed my boss asking if I could bring a high-quality store-bought item, because between working full time and my long commute, spending time in the kitchen isn't something I care to do. Ralph never bothered to answer. With great resentment, I ended up making a large tuna casserole at midnight for the potluck the next day.

Abby, are employees like me powerless in these circumstances? How can I avoid participating in the potlucks without being labeled insubordinate or getting punished? No one else in our office has spoken up, but each time that sign-up sheet is posted, the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. -- RESENTFUL IN NEW YORK CITY

DEAR RESENTFUL: I don't blame you for resenting being compelled to do something outside your job description, on your own time and at your own expense. I don't know the labor laws in New York; however, many states have labor statutes that could protect you.

Allow me to offer this food for thought: Consider another kind of "team-building" exercise with your co-workers. Confront your boss as a group and tell him how much his demands are resented by all of you. There's safety in numbers. He can't fire all of you, or there would be no "leftovers" to boss around.

DEAR ABBY: My dear husband passed away two months ago. We had been married for 26 happy years.

When people in the neighborhood or in town see me, they say, "You are doing great," or "You look wonderful," and "How are you feeling?" I know people don't know what to say at a time like this, but how should I reply?

Although my clothes are clean and my hair is combed, don't they realize I am heartbroken? Am I supposed to weep and tear my hair in public? I may look strong, but inside it's all applesauce.

If people feel awkward, can't they just say, "I think of you often," or "I'm glad to see you"? Please tell me how to respond to these Pollyannas who think I'm just peachy. -- GRIEVING PRIVATELY IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRIEVING: Smile at those well-intentioned folks and say, "Thank you for the compliment. Losing my darling has been traumatic, but with time I'm slowly adjusting." It's the truth, but it also conveys an accurate message.

DEAR ABBY: I am a fifth-grader. I never thought I'd be writing to you but I am, so let me get right to the point:

I am really short. Kids at school make fun of me because I'm the shortest student in my grade. I was hoping you could give me some advice about what to say when I'm called "Shorty." -- ANONYMOUS GIRL IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: People should be measured from their eyebrows up -- not from top to bottom. There are many successful people who are not tall in stature. I am one of them. Tell your classmates that good things -- like diamonds -- come in small packages. Then change the subject.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)