DEAR ABBY: After a long and happy marriage, I became a widow three years ago, and am soon to marry an old family friend, "Vernon." His wife was a dear friend of mine who was killed several years ago. Vern and I are trying to get our personal business in order ahead of time, so there will be no ill feelings among our adult children.

When I die, I will be buried next to my first husband, and Vern with his late wife. My question is, how should my name appear on the headstone, considering the fact that I plan to become "Mrs. Vernon Jones" when we marry?

My son is upset that I'd give up the "Smith" family name. I don't want to create friction between my son and my new husband, but I do plan to take Vern's last name and am surprised at my son's strenuous objection.

How should this be handled, Abby? -- "MRS. SMITH" IN MARIETTA, GA.

DEAR "MRS. SMITH": The name on your headstone should probably read "Jane Smith Jones" to avoid confusion. Although it is upsetting to your son that you have chosen to adopt your new husband's last name, he will have to adapt to reality. One lesson I have learned over the years: You cannot solve every problem -– particularly if the problem isn't yours to begin with.

DEAR ABBY: For the past eight months, I've been involved with a wonderful, kind-hearted man who showers me with affection and says he loves me. I'll call him Hank.

Hank likes the idea of kids and family and is very family-oriented, as am I. My main concern is he has trouble keeping a job. His pattern has been that he finds a job but only works for a short time, then something always happens, and he either gets fired or laid off.

We had started planning our wedding, but my family doesn't like him, and that –- on top of his job situation –- has put a lot of stress on me. I finally told Hank that I won't marry him until he proves he can support himself and a family.

Is it possible that some men are simply not cut out to work outside the home? Maybe he's the "Mr. Mom" type. What should I do, Abby? -- BRIDE-TO-BE (OR NOT) IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE (OR NOT): Yes, some men are better suited to be the "house spouse," and some women are better suited to life in the business world. However, this does not seem to apply to you. Continue to put this union on hold unless you know you will be content as the primary breadwinner of your family.

DEAR ABBY: For the past year and a half, I've been dating a 41-year-old man named "Gino." I spend every weekend at his place. My problem is I am still living out of a suitcase. Gino hasn't offered me a place to keep my things, and I'm tired of taking clothes and personal items back and forth. It feels like I'm homeless.

Gino also won't answer the phone or check his messages when I'm there. When I mention it, he accuses me of being suspicious and too sensitive. Should I continue with him or pack it in? I should add that we have lots of fun, and he's told me he loves me. -- TIRED OF LIVING OUT OF A SUITCASE, WEST ORANGE, N.J.

DEAR TIRED: If you want a seven-day relationship or a permanent place in this man's life, "pack it in." Gino appears happy with things just as they are, and as much as he loves you on the weekends, he loves his freedom more.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-50s and look forward to traveling with my husband when he takes early retirement next year. My mother died at 82 with Alzheimer's disease, and lately, if I misplace my sunglasses or forget somebody's name, I become terrified that I'm coming down with it, too.

I have heard there are certain brain exercises people can follow to keep from losing our memories as we get older. My husband says I'm silly to worry about this now, but if there's anything I can do to protect myself from future problems, I want to get started. Any suggestions? -- WORRIED SILLY IN L.A.

DEAR WORRIED: Although a family history of Alzheimer's does increase your risk, my experts tell me that recent scientific data estimate that only one-third of what determines memory ability and long-term brain health is genetically programmed. The other two-thirds are actually dictated by things that are under our own control, such as lifestyle and personal health choices. Thus, as we age, we have far more influence over our own brain fitness and memory abilities than we ever imagined.

It is not "silly" to be concerned about getting a head start on preventing age-related memory loss. I spoke with Dr. Gary Small, director of the UCLA Center on Aging, who says it is never too early to begin protecting our brains. In his book, "The Memory Bible," Dr. Small explains that our brains actually begin to show signs of aging when we are in our early 20s. He outlines ways to protect our brain function with healthy diet, mental aerobics, memory techniques and stress reduction.

Organizations like the UCLA Center on Aging (www.aging.ucla.edu) and AARP (www.aarp.org) also provide information and programs about healthy lifestyles and ways to stave off many age-related diseases. Check them out. It may give you some much needed peace of mind.

DEAR ABBY: For the past six years, I've had a problem with my younger sister, "Robin." She "borrows" my clothes and other things from my room without asking, and then isn't smart enough to put them back. Every time I walk by Robin's room, I find another article of my clothing, shoes or jewelry on the floor. When I confront my sister in front of our parents, Mom rolls her eyes and says she's tired of my complaints. Then Dad will ask Robin point-blank if she "really did it," and she'll say, "Yes, but I was about to return it." That's it, end of story. It's happened too many times to count.

Last summer, I put a keyed lock on my door, which helped with the problem until the lock was mysteriously filled with "goop." It never worked after that. Just yesterday, I found an expensive dry-clean-only sweater of mine on Robin's floor. She had tossed it in the washer and dryer, and it was ruined. When I told Mom, she went out and bought me a new one, but just tonight I found one of my shirts on Robin's floor -– also ruined.

I'll be moving out in July to go to college, but until then, I need some advice. Please help me, Abby -- nobody else will. -- COUNTING THE MONTHS IN MASON CITY, IOWA

DEAR COUNTING THE MONTHS: Your parents have been negligent in their responsibility to your little sister. They have failed to teach her responsibility, honesty, and respect for the possessions and boundaries of others. This will come back to haunt them -– and your sister -– in the future. Please show them this column and hang on until July. Your trials are almost over.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: May I comment on the letter from the girl who has a crush on the "weird" guy in her high school band?

Thirty years ago, I was that weird guy with the burr haircut, buck teeth, horn-rimmed glasses and skinny as a rail. I had a crush on a good-looking blonde, but she was out of my league, so I never asked her out.

Twenty-nine years later, I was on the Internet. Through a classmates reunion site, she and I started chatting. She was divorced, as was I. The more we talked, the more we fell for each other. When I finally decided to visit her, "fireworks" flew.

We have been married one year this week, and it has been one of the most exciting years of my life. Tell "Odd Duck" to hang in there. Things will be great if meant to be. -- HERMAN B., WATERFORD, CALIF.

DEAR H.B.: Congratulations on your anniversary. (I'm a sucker for a happy ending!) Many people, like fine wine, improve with age. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to respond to "Odd Duck in South Texas." Bravo for you, young lady! When I was in high school, I was considered an "odd duck" myself. I didn't drink, smoke, or ride around aimlessly every Friday and Saturday night. I studied, got excellent grades, respected my parents, and for that, I was ostracized by my classmates and always felt like an outsider.

You and your friend Tad should hang in there. When you finish high school, and later, college, you'll realize that the people most worth knowing just might be those "odd ducks." -- HILLARY IN WEINER, ARIZ.

DEAR HILLARY: You're right. Some people develop social skills later than others.

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was not the "coolest" kid in high school, and I was also in the band. I was desperately in love with a popular girl I'll call Susan. We were good friends, but it never went further.

Years later, Susan confessed to me that she also had feelings for me, but was afraid her friends would turn on her for not dating someone from the "cool" crowd.

Living your life by someone else's standards is not living at all. "Odd Duck's" ugly duckling might someday become a swan. -- HAPPILY MARRIED IN PHILLY

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: It takes courage to stand by one's convictions. Susan's lack of maturity was its own punishment.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old boy, and my mom says if I want something at the store, I have to pay for it myself. I try to do chores for money, but I'm always too busy with schoolwork. I barely get enough time to play outside. Do you have any suggestions on how to get money? -- NEEDS $$

DEAR NEEDS $$: Talk to your parents and ask them if your chores can be done on the weekends. If you want something badly enough, you'll find the time.

WORTH REMEMBERING: "People can keep a journal to record their life, their thoughts, their happiness, the events of their families, etc. They can also keep a journal of creative observations, their hopes, their ideas and dreams, as Leonardo da Vinci did. He always had a notebook hanging from his belt to record his observations. I have one constantly in my pocket and on my night table. We must be the source of good ideas and dreams for a better world. We are part of evolution." -- ROBERT MULLER

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)