DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Happy Hindu in the Bible Belt," whose Christian friends tuck religious pamphlets into holiday boxes of baked goodies in an effort to convert her, was off base. You advised her to ignore the brochures and enjoy the goodies -- unless she had lost her appetite -- in which case she should donate the treats to a shelter or take them to the office.

I disagree. That lovely lady should politely tell her friends that she likes her own religion and ask them to please stop with the religious literature. If they continue, she should end the friendship. If converting her is more important than her friendship, there IS no friendship. -- BEEN THERE, TOO, IN BEND, ORE.

DEAR B.T.T.: Your answer is better than mine. Interestingly, "Happy Hindu's" problem appears to be widespread. That letter brought in a bushel of mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am Jewish. A friend from college kept sending me "Jesus Loves You" Christmas cards. I told her it hurt my feelings that she didn't respect my beliefs. I made it clear that I am Jewish and will always remain Jewish, as it is my religious and cultural background.

Like "Hindu," I know that some of these gestures are well-intentioned, but I would never dream of sending my friend Hanukkah cards. I send cards that say "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays." It's good to learn about other people's beliefs and be open to them -- but not when they're forced on you. -- JILL IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR JILL: I regret that I did not advise "Happy Hindu" to be as outspoken and upfront as you and "Been There."

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Happy Hindu" offended me as a Christian. If the circumstances were different, would you tell me to ignore my Buddhist friends, but enjoy their treats if I didn't gag first? Why is evangelical Christianity the only religion we shouldn't tolerate? -- MARY S., ELLIJAY, GA.

DEAR MARY S.: It's not. Anyone who proselytizes is treading on "sacred ground." It's regarded as offensive, even if it is heartfelt.

DEAR ABBY: Hard as it is to live with some evangelicals, they are easier to take than people who feel justified in resorting to violence against those they feel are "lost." You have to understand that with evangelicals, it is an article of faith, and it's their Christian duty to preach their version of the Gospel, especially if they care about you and are genuinely concerned about your soul. -- DOLLY IN LACEY, WASH.

DEAR DOLLY: I am aware of that. A devout and very sweet lady once told me she was "sad" because she loved me and knew she wouldn't see me in heaven. I asked her why. She said, "Because you haven't been saved!" Once I got over the shock that her heaven was segregated, I assured her that even though I might not be in hers, she would definitely be in mine, so please not to worry any further.

DEAR ABBY: Many people have stopped me on the street or come to my door with religious tracts, so I had cards printed with the following: "I never told my own religion nor scrutinized that of another. I never attempted to make a convert, nor wished to change another's creed. I am satisfied that yours must be an excellent religion to have produced a life of such exemplary virtue and correctness. For it is in our lives, not from our words, that our religion must be judged." (Thomas Jefferson to Mrs. H. Harrison Smith, 1816) -- KAYE IN N.Y.C.

DEAR KAYE: I agree with his timeless and profound conclusion.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother and have taught school for 20 years. Two months ago, I began a sabbatical out of state and took my teenage daughter with me. Prior to leaving, a good friend, "Marjorie," accepted a job transfer that required her to move out of state as well. Marjorie suggested that since her husband wasn't ready to leave town due to some personal business, he would be the perfect candidate to house-sit for me. It seemed like a good arrangement.

Within a few weeks, former neighbors started calling and telling me that Marjorie's husband was having women stay overnight at my house. I have since learned that Marjorie had asked a mutual friend to keep an eye on her husband to find out if he's cheating. Our friend refused, but confided to me that it's as plain as day the guy IS cheating and everyone in town knows it.

We don't want to hurt Marjorie -- nor do we want her husband to humiliate her. Should we tell Marjorie what's going on or let her find out on her own? -- UNSURE IN MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR UNSURE: Tell her what the neighbors told you. Marjorie already has suspicions, so it won't be a shock. And get her husband out of your house. The last thing you need is strangers walking through and possibly helping themselves to your possessions.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl in high school. Recently I was required to make a presentation in my science class. Naturally, I wanted to look my best. That morning I selected a denim skirt and black shirt -- neither of which was too short or low-cut. Black nylons and chunky-heeled black shoes completed my ensemble. I headed off to school feeling confident about my appearance.

The minute I arrived on campus, I realized I had made a severe miscalculation. It was as though I had broken some unspoken, but well-known, rule. Kids looked me up and down and stared at my legs. One astonished girl gasped, "Oh, my god! She's wearing black stockings!"

Abby, I am a reasonably conservative person. I have never worn anything outrageous and would never intentionally go to school wearing something risque or improper. I still think the black pantyhose were appropriate for my outfit. Could you shed some light on this? -- DAZED AND CONFUSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR DAZED AND CONFUSED: Perhaps your classmates were surprised to see you "dressed up." If you had violated a dress code, I'm sure you would have been told about it by a teacher or the principal. From what you have described, your outfit was appropriate for the occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I have a precious 6-year-old niece on the East Coast whose father just died. I have been searching for a sympathy card designed for a child, but have found nothing. "Thinking of you" cards don't seem quite right. How best can I let this little girl know how sorry I am for her loss? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN COLORADO

DEAR CONCERNED AUNT: Buy a pretty blank card and write a short note of sympathy to your niece, in lettering she can easily read. Tell her how much you love her, that you're thinking of her, and how sad you are for her loss.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a loyal wife who does not take divorce lightly, but I'm thinking about leaving my husband, "Joe." He is very hard on my 12-year-old daughter from a previous marriage, "Natalie."

Joe is very strict in disciplining her, to the point of being unreasonable. It has become so bad that Natalie says she hates him and wants to leave him. My two older children, who no longer live with us, feel the same way about Joe. Even my "strict" father is unhappy with the way Joe treats Natalie.

If I honestly thought he loved my daughter and was acting out of love, I might feel differently. However, he has made it clear he dislikes ALL my children -- with a long list of "reasons."

I told Joe my children are my No. 1 priority, and if anyone in my life is a variable, it's him. He finally admitted he's jealous of Natalie and the time we spend together.

As unhappy as I am with Joe's behavior, I'm afraid if I give in to Natalie's request that I leave him, she may try to manipulate me in other ways. Please help me find a solution. -- MISSISSIPPI WIFE AND MOM

DEAR WIFE AND MOM: For your husband to take out his jealousy and resentment of your parental duties on your daughter is deplorable. While I don't think that a 12-year-old should dictate with whom a parent spends his or her life, in this case, your daughter may have a point.

However, before you make any decisions, I urge you, Joe and Natalie to get family counseling to see if his jealousy can be worked out. If it can't, then a separation until your daughter is 18 may be in order.

DEAR ABBY: For the past nine months, I have been secretly married to a man of whom my family does not approve. I have been able to keep them in the dark because I am a student and live in another state. I'm 33 years old, Abby, and, knowing the problems it will cause, I need some tips on how to tell my family. Help! -- NOT A CHILD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NOT A CHILD: I agree that at 33, you are not a child; you are an adult who has made an important decision. While it would be nice if your family approved of your choice of life partners, one of the basic premises of marriage is that you are forming a family unit of your own. Call your parents and relatives and share the "good news" with them. How they react will be their problem. Please don't continue to make it yours.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, a reader shared a humorous experience about her smoke alarm going off. She regarded it as a "sign" from her deceased father that he was OK.

My beloved husband, Frank, was blind from diabetes when he died. He had owned a "talking watch." Since it had been such an important part of his daily life, it was on his wrist for the funeral -- with the voice and alarm turned off.

The minister who officiated at Frank's service began "preaching" instead of fondly remembering my late husband's life, and right smack in the middle of the sermon, somehow my husband's watch alarm went off! Later someone said, "Yep, that was Frank. He was letting the preacher know it was time to quit!" -- SUSAN, COLEMAN, MICH.

DEAR SUSAN: Let's just say it took a miracle to turn a wristwatch into a "stop" watch.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)