DEAR ABBY: I was surprised at the letter from the reader in Harpers Ferry, W.Va., who feels using your column to teach English as a second language might send the wrong message about the United States.

You were right on the money when you said that "See Spot Run" and cartoon-like depictions no longer hold the interest of adult learners. I am a professor of English in France and often use your column to teach adult conversational English. My students find the exercise a fun and interesting way to practice English. Judging by their responses, the problems in your column are in no way unique to the U.S. -- SHARI YOUNGBLOOD, PARIS, FRANCE

DEAR SHARI: I was heartened by the number of letters I received from readers who wanted to defend the column. Thank you for yours. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I teach a writing class at a teacher's college. Your column transcends national boundaries. I took special delight when you expressed best wishes to your Muslim readers at the end of Ramadan. Your column shows America to the world, and because of your sage advice, the wisdom displayed and your evident sympathy -- indeed, that shown by your readers as well -- you present America at its best. -- JACK DUNSTER, LUBLIN, POLAND

DEAR JACK: It is a given that my readers are people who are interested in, and care about, one another.

DEAR ABBY: I have been teaching English in Korea for several months. Every country in the world struggles with the same moral issues that we do. Am I supposed to give my adult students Mother Goose stories? -- DEREK DENTON, SEOUL

DEAR DEREK: Certainly not. To teach successfully, one must hold the student's interest.

DEAR ABBY: I am an English teacher. The reader from Harpers Ferry cites "sibling rivalry, spousal mistrust and sexual abuse" among things your column supposedly promotes. As you pointed out, discussion and promotion are two entirely different things. If we are to stick solely to British and American "classics" to teach English, take a closer look: There's sibling rivalry in the works of Louisa May Alcott, Jane Austen and Emily Bronte, to name a few. Spousal mistrust is featured in "Hamlet," Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby," and anything written by Steinbeck or Hemingway. And look no further than "The Scarlet Letter" if you want to talk about sexual dysfunction and abuse.

I won't even begin to address the woman's ridiculous act of placing "homosexuality" on her list of social ills. -- BARBARA BORTOT, MINNESOTA

DEAR BARBARA: It's usually those topics people are afraid to discuss that need to be talked about the most.

DEAR ABBY: Your column consistently uses a few well-chosen -- often eloquent -- words to say a great deal on a vast array of topics, typically with grace, wit, style, and a uniquely American use of irony to drive home a point. Equally important, you treat all of your readers with compassion and dignity and call upon them to treat others accordingly.

"Harpers Ferry" gave the Dear Abby column an R-rating. In my book, any teacher smart enough to recognize the column as an effective teaching tool to help others understand and communicate what it really means to be an American, gets an A-plus. -- GEORGE MARCELLE, LOS ANGELES

DEAR GEORGE: Thank you for beautifully articulating the Dear Abby philosophy.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am putting myself through college working nights as a server in a small, family-owned restaurant. There are only two servers working nights, and a couple of nights a week, I share my shift with "Jane."

Jane takes her table orders, then expects me to deliver the food, refill drinks, and anything else the people at her tables might need -- in addition to working my own tables.

My problem is that many of the patrons at Jane's tables directly hand me their tip, saying I deserve it more than she does. Even though I don't think Jane deserves to be tipped, I feel guilty taking the money and always end up putting it in Jane's tip jar. Also, according to our employer's policy, I could get fired for keeping the money.

To make matters worse, Jane is the boss's niece. This makes me reluctant to take the problem to him. Would it be wrong for me to tell the patrons at Jane's tables that I can't keep their tips, and leave it up to them whether they leave anything for Jane? Maybe it would force Jane to work harder. Or should I keep things "as is" and not cause trouble? -- WORKING MY WAY THROUGH SCHOOL IN INDIANA

DEAR WORKING: I have a "tip" for you. The boss's niece feels entitled, and in the interest of family unity, your boss will probably back her up. This can't be the only restaurant in town. With your experience, you are an attractive candidate for a job elsewhere. Start looking.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I were discussing the traditional custom of tossing the bride's bouquet at my wedding two years ago. The young girl who ended up catching it was only 12. Mom had no problem with it at the time, but now she does. She says that single females trying to catch the bouquet should be of marrying age -- and the child who caught mine should never have been allowed to participate.

At most of the weddings I've attended since then, I have observed very young girls (some as young as 3) vying for the bouquet, as well as little boys scrambling to catch the bride's garter thrown by the groom. (At my wedding, the "winner" was a boy of 14.) What do you think about this, Abby? Is my mother right? -- MOTHER AND DAUGHTER IN HOUSTON

DEAR MOTHER AND DAUGHTER: Since catching a bouquet or garter is no guarantee that the person will be the next to marry (it's "up for grabs"), I see no reason why any guest should be excluded.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to two organizations whose members would love to send messages to our troops all year long. Will your Web site, www.OperationDearAbby.net, continue to be available to use all year to support the men and women in our military? -- JUDY IN FLORIDA

DEAR JUDY: Absolutely! In the past, readers have complained because Operation Dear Abby was limited to Nov. 15 to Jan. 15. OperationDearAbby.net is now YEAR-ROUND. All messages will be relayed to our troops via a secure military site, which means they'll be bug-free and virus-free in every sense of the word.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Harassed M.D. in Des Moines," who asked how to handle people who ask for professional advice in social situations. I suspect this problem goes along with the prestige of saying, "I'm a physician."

My most memorable request came from a 60-year-old woman who asked me to look at her bunions during my friend's wedding. Fortunately, my pediatric population doesn't suffer from bunions, so I couldn't provide her with any remedies.

When I'm at social gatherings and am introduced as "Doctor," I jokingly say, "The doctor is not in her office at this time." Then I ask people to call me by my first name. In this way I let them know I am a person, not a doctor on duty. I also find this to be an ice-breaker for those who might feel intimidated meeting an M.D. -- HARASSED COLLEAGUE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR H.C.C.: That's a good solution. Here's another:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am a surgeon. Frequently people -- usually women -- approach me at parties to ask about some medical problem they're having. The "problem" is usually minor and most often dermatologic, though knowing I'm a thoracic surgeon, they'll occasionally mention a chest problem.

Such questions never bother me, for after all, I know more about medicine than any other subject, so if appropriate, I offer a straightforward answer. On other occasions, choosing my "victim" carefully, I'll tell her, "Go into the bedroom, take off all your clothes, and let me know when you're ready."

Fortunately, no one has ever taken me up on my facetious offer. The usual responses are, "May I take my drink along?" and "Who will referee?"

As my father, also a physician, used to say: "A smile makes all things possible." -- CARL A. BROADDUS JR., M.D., WINTER PARK, FLA.

DEAR DR. B.: Your father was a shrewd observer of human nature. However, I'd be careful if I were you. One of these days someone's going to call your bluff.

DEAR ABBY: I can't resist telling you about my French mother-in-law's comments at a party I threw to introduce her to my American friends.

Upon meeting Dr. A., she began reciting all her health problems. I interrupted her, explaining that his specialty was psychiatry. After digesting this for a moment, she caught his sleeve. "Then you must help me with my interior complexion," she explained. -- AVID READER, WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR READER: Your m-i-l wasn't so far off base. In a sense, psychiatry is focused on the "department of the interior."

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Harassed M.D." reminded me of a joke I heard years ago:

A physician and an attorney were discussing the problem of people seeking their professional opinions at parties.

"What do you do?" asked the physician.

"I usually give them the information and then send them a bill," replied the attorney.

Five days later, the physician received a bill in the mail. -- KATHY JOOSTEN, LOS ANGELES

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)