DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Harassed M.D. in Des Moines," who asked how to handle people who ask for professional advice in social situations. I suspect this problem goes along with the prestige of saying, "I'm a physician."

My most memorable request came from a 60-year-old woman who asked me to look at her bunions during my friend's wedding. Fortunately, my pediatric population doesn't suffer from bunions, so I couldn't provide her with any remedies.

When I'm at social gatherings and am introduced as "Doctor," I jokingly say, "The doctor is not in her office at this time." Then I ask people to call me by my first name. In this way I let them know I am a person, not a doctor on duty. I also find this to be an ice-breaker for those who might feel intimidated meeting an M.D. -- HARASSED COLLEAGUE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR H.C.C.: That's a good solution. Here's another:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am a surgeon. Frequently people -- usually women -- approach me at parties to ask about some medical problem they're having. The "problem" is usually minor and most often dermatologic, though knowing I'm a thoracic surgeon, they'll occasionally mention a chest problem.

Such questions never bother me, for after all, I know more about medicine than any other subject, so if appropriate, I offer a straightforward answer. On other occasions, choosing my "victim" carefully, I'll tell her, "Go into the bedroom, take off all your clothes, and let me know when you're ready."

Fortunately, no one has ever taken me up on my facetious offer. The usual responses are, "May I take my drink along?" and "Who will referee?"

As my father, also a physician, used to say: "A smile makes all things possible." -- CARL A. BROADDUS JR., M.D., WINTER PARK, FLA.

DEAR DR. B.: Your father was a shrewd observer of human nature. However, I'd be careful if I were you. One of these days someone's going to call your bluff.

DEAR ABBY: I can't resist telling you about my French mother-in-law's comments at a party I threw to introduce her to my American friends.

Upon meeting Dr. A., she began reciting all her health problems. I interrupted her, explaining that his specialty was psychiatry. After digesting this for a moment, she caught his sleeve. "Then you must help me with my interior complexion," she explained. -- AVID READER, WALNUT CREEK, CALIF.

DEAR READER: Your m-i-l wasn't so far off base. In a sense, psychiatry is focused on the "department of the interior."

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Harassed M.D." reminded me of a joke I heard years ago:

A physician and an attorney were discussing the problem of people seeking their professional opinions at parties.

"What do you do?" asked the physician.

"I usually give them the information and then send them a bill," replied the attorney.

Five days later, the physician received a bill in the mail. -- KATHY JOOSTEN, LOS ANGELES

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last evening, our 20-year-old son, "Roger," brought a young lady home for us to meet. Her name is "Sally"; they met in a class at the local college.

I know as well as I know my own name that our son is going to ask his dad and me, "Well, what did you think of her?" -- and therein lies my problem. My husband and I aren't sure if we should be honest with Roger about our first impression of Sally.

Perhaps we should tell him to let us get better acquainted before passing judgment. We have even considered staying completely neutral. After all, if Roger ends up marrying her and it doesn't work out, we could be accused of trying to influence him.

This is the first time our son has ever brought a female friend home for us to meet. Roger and Sally seem happy together, and that's all that counts. However, his dad and I also know our son is looking for our approval -- especially mine. -- MICHIGAN MOM

DEAR MICHIGAN MOM: Level with your son in a nonconfrontational way. Tell him what you and your husband observed. But make it clear that because first impressions can sometimes be deceiving, you and your husband would like to see more of Sally before making a determination.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a serious problem with alcohol and drugs, and I don't know what to do to get him some help. He's tried to stop on his own, but he just can't fight it. It's really gotten bad, Abby. I want to save our marriage, but don't know where to begin. -- NEW JERSEY WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Nothing will change until your husband can admit the seriousness of his problem and accept help. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a fine organization of men and women who have walked in his shoes, and can be instrumental in your husband's recovery. My readers have told me that AA works.

My advice to you is to discuss your husband's addiction with your family physician. He or she will be able to guide you to appropriate treatment for your husband once he makes a commitment to stop his substance abuse. Al-Anon could also be helpful for you. It provides information and support to family and friends of alcoholics. AA and Al-Anon are as close as your phone book.

DEAR Abby: Now that the holidays have come and gone, I am once again wondering about the proper etiquette for thanking people for gifts. When I was growing up, my mother insisted that after each Christmas and birthday I write detailed thank-you notes. Of course, notes are in order for gifts received in the mail, but what about presents opened in front of the giver?

When I have children, I imagine Mom will expect thank-you notes from her grandkids. On the other hand, I have friends who say that a sincere, verbal thank-you is sufficient, and sending notes to people who have already been thanked is overkill. Please tell me if a handwritten note is necessary. I don't want to be rude. Thanks, Abby. -- UNSURE IN DALLASTOWN, PA.

DEAR UNSURE: A verbal thank-you is very nice, but it's not enough. The art of writing a thank-you note is a social grace that every wise parent should pass along to his or her child. The note need not be lengthy or complicated as long as it is sincere.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I cheated on my husband "Greg" for nearly a year. My job involves a lot of traveling, so it wasn't difficult to pull off my double life. I finally realized how bad I felt about myself because of the cheating and decided to rededicate myself to Greg. Since he had no clue about the affair, I wasn't going to tell him.

At the time I ended the affair, my lover's wife found out and told my husband. I begged for forgiveness and implored Greg to give me another chance. We had been happily married for a decade before the affair. I know it's no excuse, but I cheated only because it seemed exciting.

When Greg learned about the affair and understood how sorry I was, he seemed willing to work it through. Then, all of a sudden, he became depressed and moved out. He said he "couldn't do it anymore" -- he couldn't respect me, couldn't love me, and couldn't get certain images out of his head.

Greg now lives out of state. I call him almost every day and apologize and beg him to come back, but he's cold as ice.

Please don't suggest counseling, Abby. Nothing in this world would persuade him to go. I'm counting on you for some magic words of advice. Sign me ... WOKE UP TOO LATE IN LITTLE ROCK

DEAR WOKE UP TOO LATE: I'm sorry, but there are no magic words that can turn back the clock. The only magic I can see is that in your hunger for excitement, you made your marriage disappear in a puff of smoke. I hope your sad story serves as a cautionary example to others who are contemplating an affair. There is no such thing as free love. What you're paying now is the "amusement" tax.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl with an embarrassing problem: I still suck my thumb. It has caused many arguments between my parents and me.

They paid a lot of money for my braces and retainer, and I'm on the verge of ruining my teeth. I have tried to stop by wearing a mitten, putting gross flavors on my thumb, etc., to no avail. Can you help me? -- STILL A BABY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BABY: Try this; it's a form of behavior modification. Place a rubber band loosely around your wrist. When the urge to suck your thumb strikes, snap the rubber band hard enough to remind you to resist the habit. Soon you will associate the "sting" with the urge to suck your thumb, and because of the discomfort, you'll reject the urge.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a restaurant where you have the option of ordering something off the menu or selecting from the buffet.

I say he should have waited to fill his plate until my food arrived. He insists it was OK to go ahead and start eating from the buffet while I sat there waiting for my food. Who's right? -- MIFFED IN IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR MIFFED: You are. For your husband to have filled a plate and begun eating while you sat waiting for your menu order was inconsiderate. (The least he could have done was to offer you a morsel.)

Clip this column and let him chew on that.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)