DEAR ABBY: I am a single father raising my 6-year-old son, Jimmy. He's the light of my life.

As a result of my messy divorce, Jimmy is having a lot of problems dealing with his mother. (I'll call her Elaine.) Elaine calls only when it's convenient for her and refuses to give me her address or phone number, making it impossible for Jimmy to contact her. The judge ordered her to take parenting classes and suspended her visitation until she complies.

My stepdaughter has been in touch with Elaine, and I have allowed her to pick up Jimmy and take him to visit his mother, because I want him to know her. Until last year Elaine was addicted to drugs, but claims she's clean now due to her probation.

My dilemma: Elaine owes me $5,000 in child support. I've been paid a total of $214.15. Now the judge has ordered her to pay me a certain amount or she will be sent to jail for six months. Elaine has blamed me in front of Jimmy for her situation. He is hurt by this and blames me for the possibility of "putting Mommy in jail," even though she's the one responsible for her own actions. Jimmy has been in counseling, but it's not helping. I need your advice, Abby. Please help me. -- SINGLE DAD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SINGLE DAD: Your mistake was allowing your stepdaughter to take Jimmy to see his mother against the judge's orders. In a sense, it has allowed your little boy to be victimized again because of Elaine's brainwashing.

My advice is to keep your son in counseling -- and follow the judge's rules from now on. Be sure the counselor is aware of everything that's happening, as well as your son's teachers. Spend as much time with your son as you can. He needs you now more than ever.

DEAR ABBY: My mother was married once before she married my dad. She has a son, "Morris," from that first marriage.

When Dad and Mom were married, my dad adopted Morris. My parents have been divorced almost 20 years now, and Dad's mother ("Granny O'Hara") does not acknowledge my half-brother as her grandchild, nor his wife or their lovely children.

I will receive a large inheritance from Granny O'Hara, and I feel that Morris should be included in this bequest. Please let me know if you agree, and what you think would be the best way to approach Granny about this. She knows I am close with my half-brother and is kind about asking about him, but I feel he deserves more. This is a touchy subject. -- WANTS TO BE FAIR IN OHIO

DEAR WANTS TO BE FAIR: It appears that your grandmother intends to keep her estate in her biological family -- to be passed on to blood relatives only. If that's the case, I doubt anything you say will sway her.

Since you wish to share your inheritance with your half-brother, I urge you to discuss the matter with an attorney who can explain what the tax liabilities might be if you do so after Granny's death. You may have to spread the payments out over a number of years in order to avoid gift taxes.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl. Each day at lunch, my friend, "Lily," runs to the bathroom right after she eats. I'm pretty sure she's throwing up. Lily's other friends agree with me, because one of them heard puking noises coming from a bathroom stall Lily went into.

I don't know what the word is for making yourself throw up, but I do know it can ruin your health and could even kill you. My sister says that Lily needs to understand her behavior is dangerous to her health, but I'm afraid she'll feel betrayed if I tell. What should I do? -- ANONYMOUS IN SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Lily is fortunate to have such a caring friend as you. The name for her problem is bulimia, and you are correct that it is very serious. Once people get into the habit of vomiting their food after eating, it may take professional intervention and therapy to stop.

I urge you to tell a trusted teacher or counselor at school what you have written to me. Lily's parents must be told that she has a serious problem. Her health and possibly her life could depend upon it. You should also tell your mother. I'm sure she'll be proud she has such an intelligent and proactive daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I am 52 and have been a widow for nearly 10 years. I am going with a wonderful guy, "Gus," who had quadruple bypass surgery a year ago. Gus is 53. He takes care of himself by watching his diet and doing aerobics. My mother thinks I should break up with him because of his health problems. I've also had health problems -- a blood clot two years ago and total knee replacement early last year.

Gus and I love each other and feel we can support each other through our health challenges. Should I listen to my mother and lead a lonely life -- or make a lifelong commitment to Gus? -- HAPPY AGAIN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HAPPY AGAIN: Your mother means well, but listen to your heart. It's not the length of your years, but how well you live them that counts. Since Gus takes care of himself, you could both live long, happy lives together.

DEAR ABBY: I appreciated learning about the VISION USA free eye-care program that was recently mentioned in your column, but I want you and your readers to know that there are also other assistance programs available. Every day I see working people who can't afford insurance for themselves and their families. That is where the Lions clubs come in.

Many Lions clubs provide assistance with free eye care (exams, glasses and surgery) for those in need. There are approximately 1.4 million members in more than 44,600 clubs in 190 countries. Over the years, the Lions have extended their service to help with hearing exams, hearing aids and medical assistance for diabetics. We work with local eye-care professionals to help children and adults.

To get in touch with your local Lions club, check community resources or visit www.lionsclubs.org. We are ordinary citizens trying to help needy people in our local areas. We also support youth programs, community development, eyeglass recycling and much more. Thank you, Abby, for your longtime support of the Lions clubs throughout the world. -- SANDY CARAWAN, GREAT BRIDGE LIONS CLUB, CHESAPEAKE, VA.

DEAR SANDY: You are the people who should be thanked for contributing to your communities in such an important way by helping people who could not otherwise find assistance.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letters regarding the use of the phrase "I love you" reminded me of a story. The Finns are reputed to be people who don't waste many words. An example:

"'Jussi' and 'Kaisa' had been married for 25 years. One day, Kaisa asked Jussi, 'Why don't you ever tell me you love me?' His reply: 'I told you "I love you" when we were married. If anything changes, I'll let you know.'" -- ARNIE HAKKILA, RIO VERDE, ARIZ.

DEAR ARNIE: No wonder they say it's cold in Finland! Jussi may have been a man of few words, but I'll bet his wife had more than a few for him when she heard that reply. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You may have missed something in your reply to "Hurt in Reno." Hurt told her fiance she loved him and would be devastated if anything happened to him, and was upset when all he said in return was he "probably" felt the same. She also said he was not affectionate, but was good to her son.

You said he might be a poor communicator.

What caught my eye was the line about how he treats her son. Is it possible her fiance is engaged to her so he can have access to the boy? My second husband turned out to be a molester. During the first year of our marriage, while I was pregnant, he began to "groom" my daughter to be his sexual partner.

Please urge "Hurt" to follow her gut instincts. It could save her son's future and years of guilt for herself. -- ALMOST SANE AFTER YEARS OF THERAPY

DEAR ALMOST SANE: It's interesting how the letters in my column are interpreted through the filter of the reader's personal experience. Your warning should be enough to alert that mother.

DEAR ABBY: PHOOEY! on that word "love"! Seventy years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I was engaged to a man who swore he loved me with all his heart. He did -- until I became very sick. That was the end of our wedding plans.

Years later, I met a man I thought was interested in a mutual friend. I was shocked when he invited me to dinner and a movie. During dinner he said, "I'm not an articulate person." "That's OK," I flippantly replied. "Neither am I!"

We saw each other often after that and time seemed to fly. Then I had an attack of pain that came without warning. My doctor advised immediate surgery. When I told my friend, he listened, then put his hands on my shoulders. In a voice choked with tears he said, "I LIKE you. Will you marry me?" I was so astonished I couldn't speak, for we hadn't even kissed, as unbelievable as that seems.

"You do LIKE me, don't you?" he asked anxiously. "Yes," I whispered. I got no further because I was stopped by our first kiss.

I'm a widow now, and more than 90 years old, nearing the end of my life's journey. Please tell "Feeling Hurt" that a happy marriage CAN be built on two people "liking each other" at the start. My husband of almost 50 years didn't say "love" a dozen times, but by his actions, faithfulness, consideration and dozens of ways, he proved -- not only to me, but also to the world -- that he did.

Now I only want to be with him. -- MISSING MY MATE IN ARIZONA

DEAR MISSING: Thank you for sharing your truly unforgettable love story. It touched my heart.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)