DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter, "Becky," is a sophomore in high school. She's an honor roll student, well-mannered and a good girl. My problem is her father. He's too strict with her.

Becky has always been open and honest with me. This year she's discovered boys, and I know that's the reason her dad is being so overprotective. He rarely allows our daughter to talk on the phone, and when she does, it must be in our presence. He won't let her go anywhere without us. She's not allowed to go to supervised parties or attend any group activity other than cheerleading practice. My poor daughter has no social life.

Becky's lifelong friends no longer call her to invite her to go places with them, because they know her dad won't allow it. They've stopped coming over because they know that the limit of their activity is going to be sitting on the couch watching TV with my husband and me.

I think Becky deserves some privacy and a social life that does not include us. After she told us a 17-year-old senior boy had a crush on her, my husband refused to allow her to go to the movies with him and his parents. My husband won't even let the boy ride to the store with us. How can I get him to ease up, Abby? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE SOMEWHERE IN TEXAS

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Start by telling your husband that you love him and know he is trying to be a protective parent, but he has gone off the deep end. In the name of love, he is crippling his daughter -- and if it continues, she will eventually withdraw from both of you.

By preventing Becky from having normal social relationships that are appropriate for a girl her age, her father is preventing her from learning to make wise decisions and develop healthy relationships.

If your husband is not willing to listen to you, please schedule some sessions for the two of you with a psychotherapist who can explain it to him.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Felt Up in Philly," who attended a friend's wedding and was hit on by the groom who now refuses to stop e-mailing her, I thought I'd share my experience. (By the way, your advice to forward his e-mails to his wife was on target.)

A few years ago, a friend of mine was engaged. Her fiance called me one night "just to talk." During the conversation he said he had feelings for me. Mind you, I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in their wedding and had met him only once.

I told him he was crazy and the feeling was NOT mutual. Then I said if he didn't tell my friend, I would. Time went on; he never told her. One day, my friend called me to talk about the wedding plans, and I told her I couldn't be in her wedding. When she asked why, I told her what her fiance had told me (at the risk of possibly losing a good friend). She said she'd call me back but she never did.

That was almost three years ago. About a month ago, she called me out of the blue. She had broken off the engagement shortly after our last conversation, and we've become good friends again.

It's unfortunate that "Felt Up's" experience happened at the wedding, but I hope she follows your advice. Her friend needs to know what kind of person she married. -- JACKIE IN COLUMBIA, MD.

DEAR JACKIE: I agree. Unless a cheater comes to terms with his (or her) behavior and sincerely wants to change, it will happen again and again.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I loved, loved, loved the column about signs that indicate a spouse is cheating. I sent it to my former husband with red "x's" next to every point that reminded me of him. Since our divorce 22 years ago, he has remarried twice.

You hit the nail on the head when you listed "changes in grooming." My 55-year-old Romeo went out and bought hair dye and began to blow-dry his hair every morning to hide his large bald spot.

He had taken his wedding ring off years before, saying he couldn't wear it around the machines at work. But he didn't work seven days a week, and he was a supervisor. His men did all the work. (His company later demoted him for sexual harassment.)

The "emergency errands" you mentioned were hilarious. One night my ex said he had to get oil for the car immediately. When I casually-on-purpose suggested I accompany him, he went to the garage to pretend to take another look, then came back and said he didn't need the oil after all.

At the time of our divorce, I found a package of condoms in his fishing tackle box. I kept the package and stomped on all his lures and other fishing equipment. It was a few days before fishing season opened in Wisconsin.

A day or two later, I discovered another package of the same brand in my daughter's dresser drawer. She had been away at college for six months. (I had wanted to launder things in her underwear drawer when I came upon the package.) When I confronted my husband, who thought he'd had a sure bet with that hiding place, he said, "Don't tell 'Joanie' you found them in case they're hers." I screamed at him, "In case they're HERS, you creep!" Only the Lord must have kept me from getting a knife from the kitchen that night to use on a man who'd accuse his own daughter to get himself off the hook. It was the last straw.

So, Abby, if you think that you have heard it all, trust me -- you haven't. I don't miss him. And I will never remarry because of the alimony. My only regret is that I didn't throw him out sooner. -- HELL HATH NO FURY IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR H.H.N.F.: Just when I think I HAVE heard it all, a letter like yours comes along! I don't blame you for being angry. But please don't make it a career. Hate corrodes the vessel that carries it.

DEAR ABBY: My high school friends have invited me to a party that's coming up soon. I know there's going to be beer, drugs and sex. I was thinking about not showing up, but I don't want to let my friends down. Maybe I'll tell them an emergency came up and I had to go to the hospital. I don't like making up lies, but I don't know what else to do. What do you think? -- TEXAS DUDE

DEAR DUDE: I'm impressed that you are not caving into peer pressure. You deserve to be commended.

Make other plans so you won't have to lie. Then tell your friends you have another commitment. That way, you'll be telling the truth.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think I am selfish because I want to go on a ski vacation without my pregnant wife? At the time of the trip, she'll be eight months along. She says I'm being inconsiderate. Am I? -- SKI BUMMED

DEAR SKI BUMMED: I think so. Babies have been known to arrive early. And while you're on the slopes, your wife may need "a lift" to the hospital.

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DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Jenny," is engaged to marry a nice young physician. It's going to be an elaborate "black tie" affair in a castle in Europe. The young man's family is enormously wealthy, and his siblings are all doctors or lawyers. Some of the wealthiest people in the world will attend the wedding.

On the other hand, our combined income is less than $30,000 a year. We pay our bills on time, but we have nothing extra at the end of the month. The good news is that the groom-to-be's family has contributed a lot of money toward the wedding. The bad news is that they're asking me why we haven't contributed any. Our daughter mentioned that some of her friends' parents have taken out a second mortgage on their homes so they can give their daughters their dream weddings. (We live in an apartment.) Jenny hasn't lived at home for 12 years and makes more money than I ever will.

Abby, what is expected of me and my family? How can we explain to Jenny that we are happy for her and love her, but cannot and will not use our small retirement savings to pay for her elaborate extravaganza? As it is, we will all have to travel to her castle, and pay for hotel rooms, tuxes, plus give them a lovely gift. We need your expert advice -- and fast! -- NOT EVEN CLOSE IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR NOT EVEN CLOSE: Do not allow yourself to be stampeded. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Under no circumstances should you mortgage your future to pay for a wedding. A wedding is a gift, not an obligation. Your daughter has chosen something that's beyond your means.

If the groom's family is unaware of this fact of life, please waste no time in explaining it to them. There should be no shame in doing so. It's reality.

DEAR ABBY: I am miserable. I am married and the mother of two children. I don't know how to get out of my marriage. My husband is so volatile he hollers, throws things, and is loud and verbally abusive to me. He also acts this way with the children.

I do not love him. I married too young and for all the wrong reasons. When we argue, he goes running to my family and tells them a sob story, and they blame me. When I try to talk to them, they refuse to listen and push me to stay with him.

I don't want to have to walk out on all of my possessions, but I will if I have to. I am willing to do almost anything to get out of this marriage.

The last time we went through this, he wouldn't leave. Now he is saying he will and promises he will not contact my family. However, I'm afraid to trust. Please help me. -- CONFUSED AND UNSURE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: Since you have already decided that the marriage was a mistake and not worth trying to save, consult a lawyer who specializes in family law. He or she will counsel you about what each of you is entitled to and how to ensure that your husband leaves.

Establish how you will support yourself and the children when the time comes. Do not depend upon your family for emotional support and you will not be disappointed. It is said that "breaking up is hard to do," but your lawyer can help you through the process. No one comes through a divorce entirely unscathed -- but it's better than remaining in a loveless marriage with a volatile, verbally abusive spouse.

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