DEAR ABBY: Re the letter about wearing black at weddings: I am a professional pianist/organist who has played for numerous weddings.

Last winter, I was asked to play for a large wedding. I chose a black dress with a fancy sequined jacket. Before the wedding, I dropped by to visit my 90-year-old mother, who questioned my black dress. I assured her that black was now appropriate.

My house was on the way to the church, and taking my mother's comments into consideration, I decided to change into a rose-colored dress. When I walked into the church, you guessed it -- I was greeted by a sea of black. The groomsmen all wore black tuxes, the bridesmaids had long black dresses, and even the singers I was to accompany were dressed in black.

For a moment, I wanted to dash back home and change again, but I didn't. I just smiled at the irony. -- CHARLOTTE IN LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR CHARLOTTE: I hadn't realized that so many women now wear black to weddings that the few who don't have become "standouts." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In response to the woman whose mother thought wearing black to a wedding was taboo: That mom has obviously never been to a New York wedding, where wearing black is practically a requirement. My husband's family lives there, and at a recent wedding with more than 100 guests, I was one of only six women NOT wearing black. (Two of my three sisters-in-law had their bridesmaids wear black.) -- COLORFUL IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR COLORFUL: Interesting. However, let's be clear to all my readers. Nowhere is it written that black MUST be worn to a wedding -- unless the bride requests it.

DEAR ABBY: While wearing black may, indeed, be considered "classy" and "tasteful" by many women today, I personally find the trend depressing.

The last wedding I attended, only about five of us wore something other than black. When I looked out at the couples on the dance floor, it reminded me of television clips I had seen of the crowds in the Middle East. I have told my friends repeatedly, "We are not nuns, we are not Amish and we are not oppressed women! We have the freedom to wear and enjoy beautiful, joyful colors!" This is especially true at weddings, which should be happy occasions.

And by the way, to those ladies who shop so carefully to find just the right black dress -- once you enter a room full of other black dresses, you're just another grain of sand on the seashore.

Whoever believes the myth that black dresses make one look slim -- guess again. Sorry, girls, if you're fat, you're fat -- that black dress isn't fooling anyone. -- LOVES COLOR IN OHIO

DEAR LOVES COLOR: The old saying that color evokes emotion must be true, because from the tone of your letter it's clear you're seeing red. Please remember that what people wear isn't as important as how they feel in it. (It would be interesting to know what women in the Middle East would wear if their governments allowed them the choice we enjoy in this country -- may I live to see the day!)

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Farewell to 2002 -- and what a year this has been! Let's all say a prayer for world peace, and for our stalwart members of the military who are far from their loved ones today. It takes only a moment to send greetings to our troops stationed around the globe. Simply e-mail them at www.OperationDearAbby.net and wish them a Happy New Year. And to each of you, a happy, healthy 2003.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My two brothers, two sisters and I are not close. Our parents did everything possible to foster sibling rivalry, and as a result, we speak only a few times a year and rarely visit.

During the last few years, however, I have discovered quite a bit in common with my younger brother, "Randy." Among other things, we are both gay.

Randy recently asked me if I thought anyone from our family would show up if he and his live-in partner, "Jeff," were to hold a commitment ceremony. (Many members of our family belong to the Reformed and Christian Reformed churches, both well-known for being unfriendly to gays.)

I am excited and happy for my brother. Would it be tacky of me to ask him if I could be his best man? He may have friends he feels closer to, who have played a bigger part in his life, and I wouldn't want to make him feel pressured to include me. Should I mention it to Jeff -- a fantastic guy, by the way -- and see what he thinks? Or should I keep quiet? -- EXCITED OVER MY BROTHER'S BIG FAT GAY WEDDING

DEAR EXCITED: If I were you, I would take no chances on a miscommunication. Tell your brother how excited and happy you are for him and his partner, and that you would love to be a part of his commitment ceremony in any capacity he and Jeff see fit. (If he already has a best man in mind, perhaps you could do a reading.) Considering the dynamics in your family, your brother should be pleased by your gesture of solidarity.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old girl with a problem. I think I'm going crazy. For a couple of years now, I have been having strange thoughts. For instance, I believe there are people who can see me. I talk to them. (My family has overheard me talking to these "people." They can be acquaintances, famous celebrities or anyone.)

I don't hear their voices or hallucinate, but for some reason I just can't shake these "feelings." I do not use drugs of any kind. I have told my parents about this, but they tell me I need to get out more, to serve others and take my mind off it.

I have done research on mental illnesses like schizophrenia and personality disorders, but I can't identify what's wrong with me. I want to see someone about this, but my parents think it's a bad idea. I love them and I know they care about me, but when it comes to my problem, it seems like they want to ignore it and hope I'll grow out of it. Please help me. I am ... DESPERATE IN PARK CITY, UTAH

DEAR DESPERATE: You appear to be a very intelligent young woman. Although your parents might wish it, you and I both know that talking to people who aren't there and thinking they can see you is not behavior that will go away if you "get out more and serve others" to distract yourself. I urge you to contact your physician and ask for a referral to a mental health professional -- preferably a psychiatrist. You need more help than I can give you in a letter or newspaper column. Please don't wait.

ODE TO MYOPIA

My face in the mirror isn't wrinkled or drawn.

My house isn't dirty -- the cobwebs are gone.

My garden looks lovely, and so does my lawn.

I think I might NEVER put my glasses back on.

(Author unknown; submitted by Willis A. Sterner, Madison, Wis.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I spend one weekend a month with his mother, taking her shopping, to dinner, movies, etc. My problem is I always wind up sitting in the backseat whenever she is with us.

It's not as though we have a little car and it would be hard for her to maneuver in and out. We have a nice-sized van, and I think she could get in and out of the back just as easily as she can from the front seat.

It has been this way for a couple of years now, and I haven't said anything to my husband because she is his mother. But I feel as his wife I should be honest with my husband.

Please help. We are about to go on vacation with my mother-in-law, and I don't want to have to spend it in the backseat for a six-hour drive. -- AFRAID TO SPEAK UP IN PHILLY

DEAR AFRAID: If you want to sit in front, you must be up-front with your husband about your feelings. The longer you quietly tolerate the seating arrangement, the longer it will continue. The next time the two of you go to pick up his mother, roll down the window and say, "Hop in the back, Mom; I want to sit next to your wonderful son." And your husband should back you up. Bon voyage, and have a nice trip.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor of five years, "Christopher," recently confided to me that he is a cross-dresser. At first I gave him credit for being so open about it, but ever since that conversation, I see him dressed only as "Kristin."

Whenever he sees me outside, Christopher comes over all dolled up. He even walks his dog dressed as Kristin -- complete with heels and hose. He thinks I don't have a problem with it, but now that I'm actually seeing him dressed in women's clothing, I'm not so sure.

He is now asking me to "do lunch" and wants to accompany me to my all-female gym.

Please help me, Abby. I liked him as Christopher, but I'm really uncomfortable with Kristin. It's to the point where I no longer feel comfortable going outside for fear I'll have to deal with this guy. What can I say to him? -- CONFUSED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CONFUSED: Honesty is the best policy. Say, "With all respect, I think you're lovely as Kristin, but I'm more comfortable with my friend, Christopher." That should get you off the hook.

DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers, "Helen," celebrated her birthday. It's a tradition at our office to "surprise" the birthday person with a cake, so Helen's closest co-worker went out to buy one. When it came time for the surprise, everyone was astonished to see Helen's age written on the icing!

None of us here is a kid anymore, and that information should not have been included on the cake. The woman who planned the party thought it was hilarious, but Helen was not amused.

Abby, was it wrong for Helen's age to be revealed in such a manner? And how should she approach her friend to let her know it was a bad idea? -- CARING CO-WORKER IN THE GARDEN STATE

DEAR CARING CO-WORKER: Yes, it was wrong. Helen deserves an apology. Mentioning age in the workplace can be discriminatory. And unless you want a prankster doing the same thing to you, I recommend that everyone present at the "surprise party" tell the offender it was a bad idea.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)