DEAR Abby: I just read the letter from "Don't Want to Be His Daughter-in-Law" and had to respond.

My husband is a wonderful, kind, caring, responsible man. However his father is crude, rude, and has made sexual advances to me.

From my personal experience, you CAN have a good, strong marriage, even if your father-in-law is horrid. Our solution was to invite our friends to our wedding and ignore my future father-in-law's guest list, serve no alcohol at the reception, treat him kindly without letting him walk all over us, and after the wedding -- we moved! We now live two hours away. Most important, her fiance must stand up for her, back her up, and not be cowed by his father. -- HAPPY WIFE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAPPY WIFE: Thank you for some excellent suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That bride-to-be and her fiance should get premarital counseling to work out how to cope with his family. He may also have some problems down the road being a good husband and father, since he did not have a good role model. Counseling and some good self-help books about being the child of an alcoholic will also help. Also, they should attend Al-Anon meetings and learn how to say no to the alcoholic when it comes to their lives.

And last but not least, I recommend she stop calling them "drunks." They are "alcoholics" suffering from a terrible disease that often has its roots in genetics. -- KATHARINE IN FREDERICKSBURG, VA.

DEAR KATHARINE: I won't quarrel with you on that one. And your idea of premarital counseling is a good one. Another helpful resource might be ACA -- Adult Children of Alcoholics. (It is also in the phone book.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 23 and will be married next September. Usually the father of the bride walks her down the aisle, but I want my father's brother to be the one to do the honors.

When I mentioned it to my father's wife, she told me he'd be very upset if I asked my uncle and not him. However, there's a reason why I want to ask my uncle. Many years ago, he lost his wife and two little girls in a tragic accident. I feel that asking him to walk me down the aisle would make him feel that although his daughters are gone, he can still have that moment every father dreams of when he brings a daughter into this world.

I view it this way: My father still has his daughter to see and talk to whenever he wants; my uncle doesn't. What do you think of my idea? I have many months to plan this, and I want my father's help as well. -- UNDECIDED IN VERMONT

DEAR UNDECIDED: You have a heart of gold and are well-intentioned. However, as much as you might wish to, you cannot change history. Your father should walk you down the aisle. If you want your uncle to be a part of your wedding, please consider another role for him. Perhaps he could be part of the wedding party, or do a reading during the service. That way there will be no ill feelings on the part of anyone on this happy occasion.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Have a Merry Christmas, but please keep in mind: If you're drinking, don't drive; if you're driving, don't drink.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a newly hired airport security screener with the Transportation Security Administration. Since many of your readers will travel by air this holiday season, I would like to encourage all of them to visit the TSA's Web site at: www.TSA.gov. This site provides a complete list of what passengers are NOT allowed to take on board in their carry-on luggage. It is important to know that many items that cannot be brought into the cabin ARE allowed in the cargo hold.

One of my favorite travel tips comes from frequent fliers. They have stopped using traditional shaving kits and cosmetic bags and instead put their toiletries in clear, resealable freezer bags. When searching a suitcase, the transparent baggies allow me to easily determine if someone has any prohibited items -- and it means I don't have to handle the traveler's possessions. One woman even packed her nylons and underwear in plastic bags. It enabled me to adequately "crush and feel" for security purposes without having to paw through her undergarments.

Thanks for getting the word out, Abby. Airline passengers can save themselves (and us) a lot of time by "packing smart." -- MARGARET MEYERS, MERION STATION, PA.

DEAR MARGARET: Excellent advice. The quicker and more efficiently travelers can pass through airport security, the safer we'll all be.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away recently. A few years back, my daughter gave both her grandparents a personal planning guide to record their individual wishes in making final arrangements. Dad listed exactly how he wanted to be dressed (including wearing his glasses), the hymns he would like sung, the people he had chosen as his pallbearers and the designated stipend for each. He also stated where he kept the deed to the cemetery lots, as well as other important documents we needed after his death.

Abby, it was a blessing to be able to give my father exactly what he wanted. I hope every person reading this will follow suit. It is by far the wisest way one can best serve his or her loved ones. -- CAROLYN SALVITTI, AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR CAROLYN: Your letter carries an important reminder. The only way to be sure your end-of-life wishes are carried out is to spell them out, orally and in writing. Your father was a wise man.

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away recently. A few years back, my daughter gave both her grandparents a personal planning guide to record their individual wishes in making final arrangements. Dad listed exactly how he wanted to be dressed (including wearing his glasses), the hymns he would like sung, the people he had chosen as his pallbearers and the designated stipend for each. He also stated where he kept the deed to the cemetery lots, as well as other important documents we needed after his death.

Abby, it was a blessing to be able to give my father exactly what he wanted. I hope every person reading this will follow suit. It is by far the wisest way one can best serve his or her loved ones. -- CAROLYN SALVITTI, AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR CAROLYN: Your letter carries an important reminder. The only way to be sure your end-of-life wishes are carried out is to spell them out, orally and in writing. Your father was a wise man.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: What on earth has become of college education when professors and teachers write that they use dear Abby for English courses? I am horrified that an English as a Second Language (ESL) teacher uses your column to teach foreign students our customs. WHAT customs? Unresolved anger? Sibling rivalry? Mistrust of spouses? Broken homes? Drunk driving? Homosexuality? Sexual abuse? Internet pornography? It is insanity that this is what foreign students use to gauge American culture.

Abby, what about the monogamous marriage that has endured hardships? The couple still devoutly loyal and faithful to each other? Kids who still have the same mother and father and are contributing to society? What about the people who give 100 percent of themselves for community involvement with no thought to themselves? You have even said yourself that some people accuse you of making up the letters because they are so bizarre. Some are R-rated at best. And this is what teachers use to teach English? God forbid!

No wonder people in other countries think Americans are idiots. If they get all their information from Dear Abby, they may not be too far off the mark. You may print my name. -- MICHELLE CRIPPEN, HARPERS FERRY, W.VA.

DEAR MICHELLE: Ouch! I cannot agree with you that the people who write to me are idiots. The problems they write about are human relations problems -- and not necessarily unique to the U.S.A. Furthermore, they make interesting reading -- and that, I think, is what motivates the teachers to use my column. By the time people reach adulthood, "See Spot Run" and "The Adventures of Dick and Jane" no longer hold their interest. Face it, my column has it all -- drama, human interest, comedy, sex, drugs -- and solid information that many people relate to.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and dream of becoming a voice for a Disney animated film. This is not some silly phase, Abby. I really want to do this. The only problem is, I have no clue how to get the attention of Disney. I have had little theatrical experience, and my school's drama program isn't the best. I have a good singing voice but have had no lessons.

I need your advice on what to do here. I have sent letters to Disney, but no response has ever come. Any suggestions you might offer would be great. Thanks. -- DISNEY DREAMER IN CONCORD, CALIF.

DEAR DREAMER: You're welcome. I checked with my friend, Tress MacNeille, who does voice-overs for "The Simpsons" and is the classic voice of Daisy Duck and Chip 'n Dale. She asked me to tell you that "longevity in a show business career can be measured by the amount of time spent PREPARING for it."

Do not attempt to do this straight out of high school. Study drama and speech in college, and work to sharpen your improvisational skills. Take every acting class you can. Be a reader and an observer, so you can pick up nuances of language in the mold of Robin Williams and Nathan Lane. And most important of all, remember this is not a part-time effort. Keep your eye on your goal. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: Is it rude to open a drawer or medicine cabinet in the bathroom of someone's home? -- SNOOPY IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR SNOOPY: It certainly is, although many people do it anyway. It's also nosy -- and it's wrong. (But fascinating.)

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)