DEAR ABBY: I work with a pleasant woman, "Kim," who appears to be distracted by my figure. Kim keeps making comments and staring at my large breasts. It makes me very uncomfortable. I've tried to ignore her and have told her that her comments bother me.

Kim has now started trying to see me outside the office, asking me out for lunches and dinners. I've always made an excuse. Last Friday when I was assigned the responsibility of picking out a gift basket for a co-worker who is retiring, Kim volunteered to go shopping with me over the weekend. I simply never called her, and on Monday explained that my weekend was busy. She acted very hurt, but I couldn't think of a more diplomatic way to handle it.

Spending time with someone who cannot stop staring at my chest does not appeal to me. It gives me the creeps. How can I tell Kim she's making me uneasy without causing problems? I have to work with her. -- BUSTY IN TOLEDO

DEAR BUSTY: Tell her once again that her staring and comments are not appreciated -- and if it doesn't stop, you will have to tell your boss or Human Resources about the problem. There is no reason why you should have to tolerate it, or see anyone outside the workplace unless you wish to.

DEAR ABBY: A friend (I'll call her Tanisha) asked me to be matron of honor at her wedding. The event was supposed to take place next month. Even though the thought of flying to a wedding in the middle of winter was not appealing, I did agree to it.

Due to personal circumstances, Tanisha pushed back the date of her wedding to next June. When she notified me, I told her I could not commit to being there. I am expecting a baby in April and don't want to travel so far with an infant. Tanisha has also changed the location of her wedding, so flying is no longer the best option, and the only way to get there is a two-day drive.

She said she understood, but still talks about the wedding as if I'm an integral part of it. For example, she recently informed me she'll be sending me swatches so that I can buy my dress. How do I explain to Tanisha that I cannot be in her wedding? She is a somewhat volatile person, and I'm afraid she'll be very upset and hurt. -- STUCK IN ST. LOUIS, MO.

DEAR STUCK: Your reasons for bowing out make good sense to me, and beating around the bush because you're afraid she'll throw a tantrum is not the best course of action. Tell Tanisha immediately, in plain English, that because you will be caring for an infant, you will be unable to be matron of honor. That way, she will be able to find a replacement ASAP.

DEAR ABBY: I'm almost 32 years old. My life is going nowhere, with two divorces and no kids; the only education I have is a G.E.D.

I'm back on my own again, and I feel like a failure. I've wasted so much time. I have no career to sustain me. By nature, I'm a jack-of-all-trades, but I struggle to master only one. I have little or no family support. I feel that life is getting harder for me to deal with.

Is it time for me to seek therapy? -- JACK

DEAR JACK: I believe you already know the answer to that question. I commend you for making such an insightful assessment of your situation. It's the first step toward a positive change. Now ... make that phone call!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Disillusioned American," who interceded when he saw a man in his 60s chastise a young couple for speaking a foreign language outside a Kmart. You called it an example of xenophobia.

I do not share either the opinion of "Disillusioned" or you regarding people who refuse to learn English or at least speak it in public. There are two Spanish-language TV networks in this country. Tell me another country that allows foreign language channels to operate, contributing to the fragmentation of that country. -- LAWRENCE IN AVON PARK, FLA.

DEAR LAWRENCE: Cable Network News (CNN) is an English-language network that is broadcast in more than 210 countries and territories in English. (In fact, someone recently told me she had seen me on "Larry King Live" while she was in Beijing -- obviously not a nation that uses English as its primary language.)

DEAR ABBY: I am proud of being not only American, but a Chinese American. I was raised bilingually and biculturally. Other than my Asian features, most people would be hard-pressed to find anything "un-American" about me.

However, occasional racist remarks are still thrown at me for no other reason than my appearance. Fortunately, that type of bigotry is fading, but comments and actions like that man experienced at Kmart are common and should be stopped. White Americans should be sensitive about any treatment of nonwhite Americans as different.

For example, I am frequently asked where I am from. When I answer "Pittsburgh" (where I was born and raised), the response I often get is, "No, where are you REALLY from?" as if I couldn't be from America. I know people are curious about my heritage, but Caucasians (even ones with accents) are not treated thus, so why are those of us with Asian features, but nonaccented English, treated this way? -- PROUD CHINESE AMERICAN

DEAR PROUD CHINESE AMERICAN: Don't be so quick to assume that Caucasians with accents are not also asked where they are from. In this country, anyone with an accent is considered "exotic" -- and as such, inspires curiosity. When people are curious, they ask questions. I know I'm right, because I have been guilty of it.

DEAR ABBY: I came to this country 20 years ago and attended college in the Midwest. I have also been accosted by such "patriots" on campus, in restaurants, and wherever I happened to be having a conversation in my language. My appearance does not give people any clue that I am not a "red-blooded American." I speak perfect, unaccented English, in addition to other languages, and I know there are many people like me.

Because I choose to speak another language does not mean I don't know English. I find it fascinating that Americans, when in other countries, expect people to accommodate their language needs, but do not afford the same courtesy to people who come to this country. -- THERESA B., HOUSTON

DEAR THERESA: Interesting point. And it's a good reason why American students should learn at least one foreign language. Our world is shrinking, and it doesn't revolve around us.

DEAR ABBY: If that gentleman wants to be politically correct, perhaps he should be speaking an American Indian dialect, since the Indians were here first and the Pilgrim fathers changed the language. (Only joking!) -- SALLY IN WILLOW GROVE, PA.

DEAR SALLY: Mini-ha-ha!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school. I dated this great guy for more than a year. He broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, and he's already seeing another girl. I know I will get over this -- but it's just so hard.

I have a class with him, and it hurts me to see him every day. I want to get over him, but how? I want this hurt to go away. He was my everything. I gave him my all. And now I don't have him. I have no one to turn to. What am I supposed to do? -- DEPRESSED ON THE DELTA

DEAR DEPRESSED: Recognize that seeing him every day in class makes getting over him more difficult. At the end of the quarter or semester, ask your teacher or school counselor to transfer you into a different class.

Keep busy. Don't give yourself time to brood. Join school clubs and activities. Get a part-time job. Expand your social circle. And remember above all that before you find Prince Charming, you'll kiss a few frogs. This, too, shall pass.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from Thelma King Thiel of the Hepatitis Foundation International caught my attention. Hepatitis C is, indeed, a dreadful disease. However, Mrs. Thiel failed to mention (as you did) that the great majority of hepatitis C sufferers contracted it from contaminated blood transfusions prior to 1990. Before then, there were no tests to isolate hepatitis C.

Stating that people contract this disease because of drug use or sexual contact stigmatizes a great number of people. Hepatitis C victims include doctors, lawyers -- people from all walks of life -- who have NOT used dirty needles. Please set the record straight. -- CAROLYN IN ARLINGTON, VA.

DEAR CAROLYN: I have received a stack of angry letters and e-mails pointing out this omission. Mrs. Thiel reports that she, too, has received letters and phone calls because of her oversight. My apologies to my readers.

DEAR ABBY: I'm worried. I think my niece is abusing her 19-month-old son. I went trick-or-treating with them, and saw my niece repeatedly pick him up by one arm and yank him up the front steps of houses. She also scolded him for not walking fast enough and kept him out until the very end of the evening. The child was completely exhausted and crying before his mother would call it a night.

My niece is stubborn and difficult to approach with suggestions. How can I approach her tactfully? I need to know exactly what words to use so she doesn't get mad and reject the idea. Please help. -- FEARFUL AUNT IN CARNEGIE, PA.

DEAR FEARFUL AUNT: Schedule a quiet visit with her -- perhaps a luncheon away from the house and baby. Tell her that you love her and are speaking not critically, but out of concern for her -- and give her a book on child development. It appears she's expecting too much too soon from her little boy. It would be a kindness -- and no one can fault you for being concerned.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)