DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Gil," and I are in our mid-20s and have a small son. We work hard for everything we have and enjoy a wonderful life.

My problem is my mother-in-law, "Blanche." Gil learned of her drug habit at an early age, and he never had a "normal" childhood. Now that he's an adult, nothing has changed. In the past three years, Blanche has overdosed twice that we know of and can't hold a job because she has stolen from every place she has worked.

Last Christmas while she was visiting us, she had the nerve to steal 14 prescription pain killers from our medicine cabinet. Blanche also owes us about $2,000. The last time she was here, she wrote Gil a check so she'd have money for the flight home -- then stopped payment on it, causing our account to be overdrawn.

When our son was 14 months old, he found a loaded gun under his grandmother's couch! Thankfully, I was there. Needless to say, our child is not allowed to visit her without me, and Gil is in full agreement. However, I would like Gil to sever all ties with his mother before she hurts our family again.

Gil is a loving man with a big heart. Despite all the pain his mother has caused him, he still loves her. Blanche feeds off that and always worms her way back into his life. Abby, is it wrong of me to want my husband to permanently cut his mother out of his life? -- ANONYMOUS DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR ANONYMOUS D-I-L: I don't blame you for feeling as you do, but you cannot prevent your husband from having a relationship with his mother. Next time Blanche visits, make sure she has a round-trip ticket, lock up any prescription drugs and continue to closely monitor her with your child at ALL times. Then pray she is agreeable to counseling and will turn over a new leaf before she's jailed for theft. She is obviously ill and cannot be trusted to act responsibly.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow in my late 60s, attractive and youthful looking (I'm told). For the past three years, I have been going out with a nice man my age, "Dell." I have him over for home-cooked meals, and I occasionally pay for our dinners and movies out. Dell is also my guest for dinners at my club, and of course I pay the club dues.

Sometimes I pick him up in my car for our dates and day trips. He can well afford to take me out and pick up the check, but he always says, "Let's keep it even."

I am becoming more and more uncomfortable when we're having dinner out, because I resent being expected to split the cost of everything. Dell is an educated, interesting man. I find myself wondering if I'm out of step with the times -- or if he's cheap.

Abby, I feel used. I'm beginning to lose respect for Dell. I'm from the old school: If a man asks a lady out, he pays. What's your opinion? Should I tell him I'm tired of nit-picking expenses and stop paying for half of everything? -- FRUSTRATED IN THE LONE STAR STATE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Sitting quietly while resentment builds will eventually destroy your relationship if you allow it to continue. Remind him that you are from the old school and what that means to you. But remember that it also means you will pick up the check when you call and ask him out. It will be interesting to see whether you wind up playing solitaire once you lay your cards on the table.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl in the eighth grade. My problem is a girl in my class. "Angie" thinks she's my best friend. We met in fourth grade, and I felt sorry for her because she didn't have any friends, so I let her hang out with me.

It didn't take long to learn why no one liked her. Angie is insulting, rude, lies, and can't have a conversation without saying something negative about someone else. Avoiding her isn't an option. We live within walking distance of each other, ride the same bus and are involved in many of the same after-school activities.

I have come right out and told Angie to leave me alone, but she thought I was kidding, and I couldn't convince her I was serious. She knows other kids, so I don't see why she can't leave me alone. My friends think it would be a good idea to get her to stop following me around, but no one knows how to tell her to buzz off without being mean.

Please help me, Abby. I want to make the rest of my school year a good one. -- SUPER-ANNOYED EIGHTH GRADER

DEAR SUPER-ANNOYED: Talk to Angie privately. She lacks good judgment. You will be doing her a favor to tell her exactly what you have written me. First list the characteristics you LIKE about her, then list the ones that have made you withdraw. Angie needs to understand so she can modify her behavior. You seem to be a nice young lady. Remember that we all have our faults, and give her room -- and time -- to mature.

DEAR ABBY: A long time ago I promised myself I would wait until I found the right girl before having sex. The "right girl" for me is one who will love me as much as I love her, is easy to talk to, shares similar interests and has respect for herself.

As I get older, I'm finding out that not many girls fill those requirements. I don't date much because every girl I think about going out with, I come to find out has slept with a bunch of guys.

It upsets me that in today's world, sex is no longer viewed as something to be shared between two people in love, but as something that just goes along with casual relationships. When I look at the relationships of my friends, I find they are not happy. Most of them don't trust their partners -- and for good reason. After the first few dates, if I make no moves beyond some heavy kissing, the relationship seems to grow distant. I am now 23 and worried I won't ever find the right girl for me.

Are my expectations too high? -- LOSING HOPE IN SARDIS, OHIO

DEAR LOSING HOPE: Certainly not. It appears you're looking for love in all the wrong places. You won't catch a trout if you're fishing in a herring barrel.

To find a girl whose values mirror your own, an excellent place to look would be a faith-based singles group. Your spiritual adviser can tell you how to find one. I'm sure many young women will appreciate you for who you are once you find them.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Id al-Fitr.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle when I read the letter from "J.D. in California," who said she enjoyed "parking" with her husband. Your answer was right on when you advised that it is against the law in most places.

My husband and I also suffered from the "same old routine" boredom. We found a great spot to park and just as things were really heating up, my husband looked out the window and spied a deputy sheriff's car pulling to a stop.

Thank goodness the young officer was sensitive. He gave us time to get our clothes back on before approaching the car. He checked our IDs and ran the car's plates. He told us that he and his wife had been busted for parking before they were married, apologized for disturbing us and went on his way. We always think fondly of him, because he could have arrested us.

We can laugh about it now. However, we are more careful about where we spice things up these days. -- ADVENTUROUS IN MATTOON, ILL.

DEAR ADVENTUROUS: Other couples who consider steaming up the car windows should take that advice to heart.

DEAR ABBY: Your answer to the woman who regained her interest in sex by parking with her husband was good as far as it went. She may like "danger," but she may also NOT like sex in the workplace, which is what her home has become for her -- a place where she's expected to behave with wanton abandon on sheets she has washed, in a bed she has made and under which there may be dust she needs to clean.

I was determined to prove this to my husband, so I showed up at his office wearing nothing but a trench coat and spike heels. To my surprise, he eagerly locked the door and performed right there on the desk. That's when I realized that men think differently than women. -- NOW SEPARATED IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

DEAR SEPARATED: Vive la difference!

DEAR ABBY: I got a "memory charge" out of the letter from the woman who enjoys intimate relations in public places. On my 34th birthday many years ago, my husband promised to make me feel "half my age." We had a lovely dinner, saw a good movie, and on the way home, he drove into a dark parking lot where we proceeded to make out like the dickens! Sure enough, as promised, I felt like I was 17 again! Thanks for letting me share. -- LUCKY "TEEN" WIFE, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR LUCKY: You're welcome. Times marches on, but some "instincts" appear to be timeless.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the wife who found a cure for her lagging libido by parking with her husband, I ran to read it to my husband. We both laughed because it could have been written by us!

We've been married 19 years, and a few years ago my libido began losing its "spark." We discovered that parking helped. We also found that when our budget allows, a hotel room for a night works, too. And it's a lot safer than a parking lot.

I'm glad you told her there was nothing "wrong," and I'd like to add that she should feel fortunate they discovered a remedy that didn't require the hours and cost of therapy. -- HAPPY IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR HAPPY: Right on! There's nothing like "do it yourself"!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)