DEAR ABBY: For the past five years, I have been friends with a man I'll call Harry. We met while we were working for the same company. I was dating someone else at the time, but the chemistry between Harry and me was apparent.

He eventually became my boss, so dating was out of the question. Both of us ended up leaving the company and getting involved with other people, but we always remained friends. Nothing romantic ever occurred between us -- even though people always assumed we were a couple and would ask us how long we had been married!

Recently we both became unattached again. My question: Can two people who have been good friends for such a long time become lovers and make it work? Or was "When Harry Met Sally" merely a movie? -- A "SALLY" IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SALLY: Friendship can be a terrific basis for a romantic relationship. Lack of a solid basis of friendship is often the reason that infatuations fizzle. Count your blessings and proceed full speed ahead.

DEAR ABBY: "Missing My Friend in Indiana" wrote that her young friend had been killed, and wondered if she should write to her friend's parents to tell them what a lovely daughter they had. Your advice was correct: Such a letter would be a great comfort to the parents.

On April 2, 2001, we lost our dear son, Jeff, in a commercial fishing accident. He was on a boat called the Arctic Rose that went down in the Bering Sea. All 15 hands were tragically lost.

We waited four agonizing days before the Coast Guard finally called off the search. During that time, we received a letter from a young woman who knew Jeff in high school. She told us the story of how she met him in class and asked him to a dance. Then she described how special Jeff was and what a good friend he had been to her.

Abby, I read that letter again and again. It gives me great comfort, and I can never thank that young woman enough. I hope "Missing My Friend" will write those parents today. Letters like that are all we have left of our Jeff. Shared memories of him have helped us to cope with our loss. -- KATHY AND DAVID MEINCKE

DEAR KATHY AND DAVID: Please accept my sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. Your experience validates the fact that a letter of condolence can be a treasured keepsake and a lasting source of comfort for the recipient.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for six months. I love him, but have a problem: I feel as if I was rushed into my marriage by his aunt.

Not only that, but I also find myself looking forward to seeing another man, "Ross." He is an inmate in a correctional facility and will be released around Christmas.

I dream about being with Ross. If my husband knew, he would be terribly hurt. What do you think I should do? -- PRISONER OF LOVE

DEAR PRISONER OF LOVE: The inmate is "safe." You can project your fantasies on him and he cannot disappoint you. (He can't fulfill them, either -- but that's beside the point.)

I urge you to seek professional counseling ASAP -- before you destroy a promising marriage.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Since Friday after Thanksgiving is the day that Christmas shopping traditionally begins in earnest, would you please reprint as soon as possible your list of thoughtful gifts for seniors -- especially those living on fixed incomes? I'm sure it would be much appreciated. -- ANNE N. IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR ANNE: Absolutely! I am pleased to do so.

It seems no sooner are the dishes put away from Thanksgiving dinner than it's time to start holiday shopping. And that means it's time to publish my list of gift ideas for senior citizens.

Readers, if you plan on sending holiday gifts, first let me tell you what NOT to send. Forget the cologne, aftershave and dusting powders unless you have first checked to see if they are welcome. Scents are highly distinctive (no pun intended) and not every perfume works on every person.

Never give a pet to anyone unless you are absolutely certain the person wants one and is able to properly care for it.

Do not give wine or liquor to people unless you're sure they imbibe.

Candy, nuts, confections and fruitcakes make beautiful gifts for folks who aren't counting calories, but have compassion for those who are, and don't lead them into temptation.

With the price of groceries going through the roof, many people on fixed incomes would appreciate a gift basket of goodies. How about small cans of tuna and chicken? Also include crackers, assorted flavored instant coffees, herbal teas, soup mixes and cookies.

Gift certificates are always welcome: for groceries, haircuts, manicures, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, theater tickets, videos and department stores. And don't forget prepaid long-distance calling cards.

Not all seniors drive, so bus passes and coupons for senior transportation or taxis are always welcome.

Large-print calendars with family birthdays, anniversaries, etc., marked and personalized with family photos, make useful gifts, as do large-print address books with information transferred from the recipient's records.

Payment of utilities for a month or two can be sent directly to the utility -- then let the recipients know they have "extra" money to spend as they wish.

A cordless phone or answering machine is a handy gift.

Membership in a gym if the person wants to exercise.

A magnifying glass.

A cuddly robe and slippers with non-skid soles.

Sweatpants, sweatshirts and jogging shoes.

For someone who has a pet, send it a treat -- a can of dog or cat food or a rawhide chewstick or catnip toy.

A subscription to a magazine or newspaper you know the person will enjoy is a thoughtful gift.

Because medications are expensive, a gift certificate to the neighborhood pharmacy would be much appreciated. (Trust me.)

Stationery and stamps come in handy year-round. If you send them, be sure to include felt-tipped pens, too.

Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. Holidays can be depressing for people who are alone. So if you know someone who could use an outing, give him or her the best gift of all -- an invitation to have a meal with you and your family.

If you ain't givin', you ain't livin'!

CONFIDENTIAL TO ALL MY JEWISH READERS: HAPPY HANUKKAH!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: Since today is Thanksgiving, what better time to pause for a moment and reflect upon all of the blessings for which to be thankful? As part of the celebration, I'm repeating the traditional Thanksgiving column, first written by my mother.

How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people have not been so fortunate. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting even more. (Have you ever volunteered at a nursing home? Homeless shelter? A rehabilitation clinic for adults or children?)

If you awakened this morning able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to speak, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs, and read the newspaper with two good eyes -- praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.

How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.

Are you lonely? Then remember the way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, pick up the phone and call someone.

Are you concerned about our country's future? Hooray! Our political system has been saved by such concern. In this great country of ours, you can worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and you can even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different political system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.

A final thought: Want an instant high? The surest way to beat the holiday blues is to do something nice for someone else. Why not call a person who lives alone and invite him or her to dinner?

Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Some older people don't drive, and those who do may not like to be behind the wheel after dark.)

Try it. And please let me know the results.

And now, I'll repeat the Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my mother years ago. My Thanksgiving would not be complete without it:

Oh, heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen. -- LOVE, ABBY

P.S. We have much to be grateful for on this Thanksgiving Day. For those of you with a little time to spare -- how about showing our gratitude to veterans by visiting a veterans hospital and raising the spirits of those who have served our country in years past?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)