life

Today Be Full of Thanks for How You Are Blessed

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 28th, 2002 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR READERS: Since today is Thanksgiving, what better time to pause for a moment and reflect upon all of the blessings for which to be thankful? As part of the celebration, I'm repeating the traditional Thanksgiving column, first written by my mother.

How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people have not been so fortunate. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting even more. (Have you ever volunteered at a nursing home? Homeless shelter? A rehabilitation clinic for adults or children?)

If you awakened this morning able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to speak, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs, and read the newspaper with two good eyes -- praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.

How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.

Are you lonely? Then remember the way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, pick up the phone and call someone.

Are you concerned about our country's future? Hooray! Our political system has been saved by such concern. In this great country of ours, you can worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and you can even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different political system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.

A final thought: Want an instant high? The surest way to beat the holiday blues is to do something nice for someone else. Why not call a person who lives alone and invite him or her to dinner?

Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Some older people don't drive, and those who do may not like to be behind the wheel after dark.)

Try it. And please let me know the results.

And now, I'll repeat the Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my mother years ago. My Thanksgiving would not be complete without it:

Oh, heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen. -- LOVE, ABBY

P.S. We have much to be grateful for on this Thanksgiving Day. For those of you with a little time to spare -- how about showing our gratitude to veterans by visiting a veterans hospital and raising the spirits of those who have served our country in years past?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

life

Dear Abby for November 28, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 28th, 2002 | Letter 2 of 2

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Man Explores Military Service as One Way to Get Education

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 27th, 2002 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old single man with a good career, even though I never finished college. I have no children and own my own home.

From time to time I have considered joining the military, and I am close to making a decision.

The service could provide me with technical skills, plus I could finish my education without having to take out a hefty loan. Overall, the experience sounds appealing. However, the truth is, I'm scared about what's going on in the world. Even so, I'd still be willing to serve.

My family and friends hate the idea. They think I've lost my mind, and say it's the worst thing I could do with my life right now. I am really stuck. The recruiter is pressuring me to decide "now or never," and my family and friends say I'll be making a mistake that could kill me or make me miserable for the next four years.

Please help me to decide, Abby. My mother always said you spoke the truth and gave good advice. -- NOT IN BOOT CAMP YET

DEAR NOT IN BOOT CAMP YET: There are no easy answers to your question. This isn't something anyone else can answer for you. Yes, there ARE risks. There are also rewards. I urge you to investigate thoroughly before you sign anything and do not allow yourself to be pressured.

life

Dear Abby for November 27, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 27th, 2002 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I think I am being discriminated against at my school because I'm 16, a sophomore, unmarried and pregnant.

Because of my pregnancy, I'm getting into trouble because I'm missing school days to go to my doctor's appointments. The teachers think I won't be able to participate in school once my baby is born. I've already told them I'm not dropping out, nor am I marrying the father yet. But they can't seem to get it through their heads.

The teachers are sending letters to my mother telling her how many days I've missed. I've only been absent five this semester. I'm tired of it. My mom's tired of it. And so is my boyfriend. I'm scared to go to school because I'm afraid they are going to say something negative to me and I'm going to get angry and say something I'll regret -- and they'll kick me out. Please help. -- D.B. IN OHIO

DEAR D.B.: It's going to take a joint effort on the part of you and your mother. Demonstrate that you CAN keep up with your schoolwork and maintain an acceptable grade point average during your pregnancy. Schedule doctor's appointments after school hours whenever possible.

Your mother must make clear to the faculty and administration that she expects them to give you the education to which you are entitled. She might also investigate the possibility of special programs for pregnant students, which are available in many school districts.

life

Dear Abby for November 27, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 27th, 2002 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Last summer, my boyfriend and I attended the out-of-town wedding of a good friend. When I danced with the groom, he began running his hands all over me! I was shocked and tried to pull away. My boyfriend saw everything.

Since my return home, the groom has been sending me inappropriate e-mails. I keep e-mailing him back telling him to stop or I will tell his bride. I do not want to lose her friendship, but she should know what he is doing. What would you do? -- FELT UP IN PHILLY

DEAR FELT: Since he has not heeded your warning, forward the e-mails -- all of them -- to his wife.

life

Dear Abby for November 27, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 27th, 2002 | Letter 4 of 4

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Single Mom Keeps Secret Her Lover's Double Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 26th, 2002 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old single mom of one. For the past seven years I've led a secret life, because the man I'm in love with is married. (I'll call him Mike.) Mike made a commitment to me to love me forever, and I believe him. He gives me the world.

My family loves Mike to death. They think we should be married because we make such a "perfect couple." They do not know he's married. I've kept this secret from them all these years. Mom went to her grave not knowing Mike has a wife.

I should mention that this man is 18 years my senior. When I met him, his marriage was "on the rocks." Mike was up-front with me about how he would never divorce because of his kids. He doesn't love his wife.

It's been a wonderful seven years. He's the only guy I've ever loved. I can't get enough of him. Should I sit tight and hope a divorce is in the future? -- I'VE GOT A SECRET IN TEXAS

DEAR I'VE GOT A SECRET: From what you have written, your lover has clearly stated that he does not intend to divorce his wife. I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. He appears to like things just as they are.

life

Dear Abby for November 26, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 26th, 2002 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My husband of two years, "George," is a terrific person. I have a teenage daughter, "Jill," from a previous relationship who lives with us, and they've always gotten along beautifully.

About two years ago I had a falling-out with my sister and we didn't speak more than 10 words until last week, when she offered me a truce. I gratefully accepted.

The problem is that Jill continued a relationship with my sister while we were feuding, and my husband found out about it. George won't forgive and forget. He hasn't talked to Jill in a week, and I have been caught in the middle. Yesterday I upset George further when I failed to give him my full attention, and now he isn't speaking to me either! Abby, what can I do to restore the peace in our home? -- TIRED OF THE TENSION, AKRON, OHIO

DEAR TIRED: I don't approve of your husband's tactics. The terms "passive aggression," "manipulation" and "withholding" all come to mind. Your daughter is old enough to have the right to carry on a relationship with any relative she chooses. As to how to restore peace in your home -- family counseling would be helpful.

life

Dear Abby for November 26, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 26th, 2002 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My parents get drunk every weekend. Dad's OK by Monday morning, but Mother stays drunk all Monday and Monday night.

Is this normal? I need to know in a hurry. I'm afraid to give you my name and address. -- TEENAGER IN MOBILE, ALA.

DEAR TEENAGER: Your parents' behavior is NOT "normal." They need help -- and so do you. Please talk to a trusted aunt, uncle, neighbor, minister, the parent of one of your friends, a teacher, nurse or coach at your school. A responsible adult needs to know what is going on in your home and how it is affecting you.

In addition, check your phone directory for the Alateen listing. The organization provides information and emotional support to young people in your situation -- and right now you need support from understanding friends.

Please let me know how you are doing. I care.

life

Dear Abby for November 26, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 26th, 2002 | Letter 4 of 4

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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