DEAR ABBY: I lost my spouse -- the love of my life -- to lung cancer. It is unbelievable what a person has to endure with this disease. The biopsy, diagnosis, rounds of chemo, X-rays, scans, needles, poking and prodding. The prognosis is usually poor unless it is caught early enough to be surgically treated.

When I see people smoking, I want to stop and tell them what my husband went through: struggling to breathe -- even on oxygen. Being dependent on someone else for care. Difficulty walking distances -- even to the bathroom. My husband endured multiple hospitalizations, fighting off pneumonia, being tethered to an IV. All the caregiver can do is watch someone he or she adores die a little more one day at a time.

Why can't smokers understand that one puff isn't worth the heavy price? There are plenty of other things that can make you ill or kill you. Please don't add cigarettes -- something you CAN control.

Toss the smokes! Give them up, or better yet, NEVER START. You may think you have plenty of time, but the love of my life was only 49. Do this for yourself and for those who love and care about you. -- K.O. IN MISSOURI

DEAR K.O.: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Your letter is a timely one because today marks the 26th annual Great American Smokeout. For those who do not already know, the American Cancer Society's Great American Smokeout is the day that smokers can challenge themselves to quit smoking -- if only for just one day.

Smoking is the most preventable cause of death in our society, yet an estimated 47 million adults in the United States currently smoke. And youth smoking seems to be on the rise. (Between 1991 and 1999, smoking among high school students rose substantially from 28 percent to 35 percent.)

This year approximately 169,400 new cases of lung cancer will be diagnosed in the U.S., and 154,000 will die of the disease. Research has also brought to light other tobacco-related cancers, including cancer of the mouth, pharynx, larynx, esophagus, pancreas, uterine cervix, kidney and bladder.

So, Dear Readers, if you're hooked on tobacco and have been saying, "One of these days I've got to quit," please take my advice and start now. Join the Great American Smokeout and quit today.

For more information about how to get involved in the Great American Smokeout and to learn about tobacco cessation strategies, call (800) 227-2345 or visit www.cancer.org.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. We have decided to elope.

I want to let my family know about the marriage, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Are announcements OK, or do they seem like a request for presents? I am clueless about the proper thing to do. Thanks a bunch! -- WONDERING IN SOUTH ELGIN, ILL.

DEAR WONDERING: Wedding announcements after your elopement are a perfectly acceptable way to let friends and family members know the happy news. Only those who accept wedding INVITATIONS are expected to give gifts. However, relatives and close friends will probably want to present you with a "token" gift of some kind to mark the occasion.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law allowed my 7-year-old daughter to use her library card. Unbeknownst to me, my daughter picked out a book and brought it home. A few weeks later, Grandma received a late notice from the library. My daughter and I found the book and walked it over to Grandma's house and laid it on her dining room table where she would be sure to see it and return it.

Later that same day, my 20-year-old daughter, who was helping Grandma move some things, inadvertently picked up the book and put it in her car. The book hasn't been seen since.

Grandma now wants my 7-year-old to pay the library $13 for the lost book. I know we should have taken the book back to the library ourselves, but I don't think this is fair. Who do you think should pay for the book? Grandma, my oldest daughter or my younger daughter? -- WHY-O-WHY-O IN OHIO

DEAR WHY-O: YOU should. And while you're at it, you should also get your young daughter her own library card and explain the rules to her. You'll be doing her a favor by giving her an early start in the right direction. Libraries are treasure troves for children.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I are arguing over what is proper attire for an evening wedding in December. My nephew is being married, and the wedding will be held at 5 p.m. I want to wear a dressy black suit with a couple of strands of pearls, but my mother is furious with me! She feels it would be inappropriate to go to a wedding dressed "like I'm attending a funeral."

I have tried to explain that these days black is always acceptable regardless of the occasion, as long as the dress is in good taste. However, my mother says she will never believe that until she sees it in print. Can you help? -- FASHION SAVVY IN TEXAS

DEAR FASHION SAVVY: I'll try, but your mother is obviously a member of the "old school."

In recent decades, the old rules have relaxed to the point that black is now acceptable at weddings. In fact, some sophisticated brides opt for "black-and-white" weddings in which all attendants are requested to wear black.

Your dressy black suit for an evening wedding in December seems conservative, proper and tasteful to me.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13, in the eighth grade, and have been reading your column faithfully for two years.

I have become good friends with a freshman boy I will call "Tad." We were in a play together last year. He now plays in the high school band. Here is where the problem lies: The rest of my friends in the band don't like Tad. When I ask them why, their exact words are, "He's a fag" and "He's just weird."

Yes, he is quite weird, which is the reason I am drawn to him. My friends think I am absolutely nuts! Recently I revealed to one of them that I have a slight crush on Tad. She looked at me as if I were some kind of disgusting beast. I know I should ignore their comments, but I have the feeling there is something more I should do. What do you think? -- ODD DUCK IN SOUTH TEXAS

DEAR ODD DUCK: I think you have done enough already by defending Tad to your friends. Not every teen would be as brave or resolute and would knuckle under to peer pressure. Some of the most interesting and worthwhile people in the world are those who didn't fit into the mold when they were your age. Don't let anyone else choose your friends for you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: At the end of a recent column, I printed a short letter from a reader signed "Suspicious Texan," asking what are the telltale signs of a cheating spouse. (I listed eight -- secretiveness, a sudden change in manner of dress or grooming, unexplained absences, less affectionate, unfamiliar charges on credit card bills, strange numbers on the phone bill, hang-ups on your home phone, and more business trips than usual.)

I then asked readers if they cared to add to the list. The response was so great, it nearly gave my mailman a hernia! Read on:

-- I play more "golf." (That's good for five or six hours.)

-- You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

-- Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating, or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

-- He stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

-- Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

-- He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

-- He refuses to let you take him to the airport when he's leaving town.

-- He carries condoms and you are on the pill.

-- Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from Caller ID.

-- Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

-- He becomes "accusatory," asking if YOU are being true to HIM, usually out of guilt.

-- Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

-- He buys himself new underwear.

-- He insists that the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

-- She stops wearing her wedding ring.

-- Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

-- Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

-- Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

-- Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

-- Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

-- You find out by accident that he or she took a vacation day or personal time off from work -- but supposedly worked on those days.

-- Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

-- Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

-- Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

-- Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

-- Suddenly works long hours or weekends and never seems to be at his/her desk to answer the phone. Calls back later with a reason such as, "I was working in the conference room where there was more space."

-- Has lots of "emergency errands" -- then comes home empty-handed, saying, "They didn't have what I needed."

-- He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house, and had to eat the dinner I prepared when he got home.

-- The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

And last but not least:

DEAR ABBY: My wife scores five out of the eight telltale signs listed in your column. However, she and I agree that most of them fit her job description. She's a real estate agent.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)