DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 30s who is a well-paid professional. I like to think I have a good head on my shoulders and a pleasant personality. A year ago, I met a wonderful man, "Adam." He is younger than I am, but we are compatible and our relationship has deepened. I recently asked him to live with me and offered financial assistance so he could pursue his medical education full-time.

My family is in an uproar! They already disapproved of the fact that Adam is younger than I am. Now they are barely civil to him. He has stopped attending family functions with me. Even when he's not around, they badger me to realize that he's "using me."

I finally confronted my sister and insisted she tell me why the family thinks there is no chance that this man loves me. After some hesitation, the truth came out: They think he's too good-looking for a "plain girl" like me.

I was devastated. I have always known that I'm no beauty, but I was convinced Adam saw beyond that and appreciated my other qualities. I WAS convinced, that is -- until now. Abby, what's your take on this? -- HURT AND CONFUSED IN THE LONE STAR STATE

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: Please do not allow your overprotective family to devastate your self-esteem. If Adam has given you no reason to doubt him, only time will tell what the future holds for the two of you. You deserve to be happy and to be respected. Allow no one to destroy that.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a 7-year-old son, "Taylor." His mother, "Gwen," and I had a long-term relationship, but when she became pregnant, neither of us wanted to marry. In our hearts we knew it wouldn't work and we didn't want to subject our son to a broken marriage.

Both Gwen and I have taken our roles as parents seriously. Since his birth, I have supported Taylor financially. Taylor has spent nearly every weekend at my home or my parents' since he was 3. I also spend time with my son during the week -- going to the park, to the movies, etc.

I recently became engaged to a woman I'll call Stacey. We want to be married next year and are planning a large wedding. I had hoped to have Taylor serve as our ring bearer. Stacey's niece will be our flower girl.

At first, my son's mother was agreeable to the idea, but now she's against it. Gwen refuses to give me a concrete reason, other than she "doesn't think it's a good idea." She said our son can attend the wedding accompanied by his baby sitter but cannot be a member of the wedding party.

I am angry about this. Stacey says I should calm down and accept the situation. I'm looking to you, Abby. What do you think? -- TAYLOR'S FATHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR TAYLOR'S FATHER: Listen to your fiancee. She's a wise woman. There is nothing to be gained by starting World War III. It appears that your son's mother resents the fact you are committing your life to another woman. Refusing to allow your young son to be in the wedding is her only way of asserting some control in a situation she cannnot otherwise control.

Although Taylor cannot be your ring bearer, make sure he wears a boutonniere and is present in some of the wedding pictures. It will make him feel a part of the celebration -- and that's what's important.

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DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old and have been living with my boyfriend, "Doug," and his dad for the past year. Doug is my best friend, and I'm in love with him.

My problem is I'm ready for us to go out into the world and get our own place, but Doug is not. Lately we have been fighting a lot over little things -- but sometimes it's the little things that count.

The three of us live in a one-bedroom apartment. Doug and I have the bedroom, and his dad sleeps in the living room, which means we have to go to bed at night even when we're not ready.

I love to cook and I long for my own kitchen. Not only is there a lack of privacy, but there is no place for me to put all my nice things.

I am ready to grow up and leave the nest, but my boyfriend isn't. His dad gives him money all the time, and we don't pay rent. Doug feels we've got it made. He doesn't understand my desire for independence.

What should I do? I don't want to leave him. Every time we kiss, it's like the first time. -- READY TO GROW UP AND MOVE OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR READY: You have some hard choices to make. You may love Doug, but at this point you both want (and need) different things. You have matured and are ready for independence. He is still financially and emotionally dependent on his father. This may be a case of the right person at the wrong time. Please don't put your life on hold waiting for this young man to grow up. It could take a very long time.

DEAR ABBY: I am embroiled in an awkward situation. A year ago I changed jobs. Within a few weeks I met "Bill," and we became good friends. Six months later, we started dating and eventually began sleeping together.

Now it seems all Bill wants to do is have sex! I have told him that I believe a relationship should be based on more than hopping in the sack, but his response is always that we still do "other stuff," and sex is important to him.

Abby, the only time I see him outside the bedroom is at the office where we keep our relationship strictly professional. He recently got a promotion and is now my boss.

I want to go back to being friends with Bill, but am afraid if I suggest it he'll make my work life miserable. I've tried to distance myself by going out with friends on my days off, but he goes out of his way to make me feel guilty about not being with him.

Abby, right now the situation's getting so bad that I am seriously considering asking for a transfer to our company's other office out of state. I can't afford to quit and look for another position -- and besides, I love my job. It accommodates my class schedule at college, and I don't want to change schools in midstream. Please come up with some ideas on how to get out of this mess. Sign me ... WORK/SEX DON'T MIX, WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR W/S DON'T MIX: You must get out of there as quickly as you can even if it means changing colleges. Tell your new boss you want that transfer, and if he tries to prevent it, tell the whole story to the human resources department at your company. They should be glad to help you, considering the alternative could be a nasty, embarrassing lawsuit.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with my teacher. I'm 18; he is 23 and single. I have been in love with him since I met him 18 months ago.

He hasn't done anything that could cost him his career, but there have been times when he has shown interest in me. Recently, though, I was told by the principal to "be careful." Not to stop, mind you -- just be careful.

I still love him as much as I ever did, but I can't show it. I graduate in December and was planning on talking to him about this then. Between now and then, though, what should I do? -- IN LOVE IN LA FAYETTE, GA.

DEAR IN LOVE: Until then, you and the teacher should do as the principal urged. Be careful. If you don't, you could harm your reputation and this young man's career.

The best advice I can offer is to play it cool -- very cool -- until at least six months after you graduate. That way, if your interest is reciprocated, he cannot be accused of jumping the gun and starting a relationship while you were still a student. This may seem like a long time to wait, but it's best for both of you. Tongues will wag even then, so I urge you not to give them grist for the rumor mill.

DEAR ABBY: My live-in boyfriend constantly gives me hickeys. Despite the fact that I have asked him not to, he intentionally marks my neck and throat on a weekly basis.

I am in my mid-20s and find these bright-red marks both unprofessional and unnecessary. I have also tried wearing perfume or moisturizer on my neck to get him to stop.

How do I prevent the hickeys, or do I have to get rid of the boyfriend? -- EMBARRASSED IN ORLANDO

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Either your boyfriend has an immature sense of humor, or he is making the marks so others will know he is intimate with you. I can understand your embarrassment in the workplace.

Tell him the hickeys have to go -- or he will. You shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life wearing turtleneck sweaters because you have a boyfriend who is insecure unless he has "marked his territory."

DEAR ABBY: Prior to my older sister's recent death, she shared a family secret. She told me that in the 1960s, while he was serving in the U.S. military in a foreign country, our brother had fathered a child. He was young and fresh out of high school.

My sister said our now-deceased mother had opened a letter addressed to my brother from the baby's mother saying his child was born. She read it -- and tore it up. To my sister's knowledge, Mother never shared the news with my brother.

Now that I am over the shock, I am struggling as to what to do with this information -- if anything. (My brother is happily married with grown children.)

What would you do? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: Since the woman had your mother's address in the States, she clearly was more than a one-night stand. If I were you, I would tell my brother privately. He has a right to know.

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