DEAR ABBY: The American Optometric Association is pleased to announce that for the first time, VISION USA, our free eye-care program for low-income, working Americans, is accepting applications and examinations year-round!

Children, adults and seniors in working families can now benefit by applying any time throughout the year. This allows them to receive an eye exam when it is needed most.

Year-round VISION USA means that the 7,000 optometrists who donate these comprehensive eye exams will be able to serve more patients through the program. During the exam, an optometrist will not only examine vision acuity (how well the eyes can see distant and close), but also examine the eyes for focusing, visual alignment, tracking, binocular fusion and disease.

To qualify for free eye care through VISION USA, individuals must be working or be part of a household with one member who is working at least part-time, have no insurance that covers eye examinations, an income below an established level based on household size, and not have had an eye exam in the past 24 months. (Some states have different eligibility requirements.)

Abby, we appreciate your previous support of VISION USA. Please know that mentioning this free program in your column can help many people. -- J. PAT CUMMINGS, O.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN OPTOMETRIC ASSOCIATION

DEAR DR. CUMMINGS: I am pleased to publicize this worthwhile program for my readers. Since VISION USA began in 1991, more than 314,000 individuals have benefited from this free service.

Readers can register by calling toll-free: 800-766-4466, Monday through Friday, 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. Central time. Application forms are also available from VISION USA, 243 Lindbergh Blvd., St. Louis, MO 63141, or on the AOA Web site: www.aoa.org/visionusa.

DEAR ABBY: My brother has been seeing this girl for less than a year, but we seem to have become friends. Recently her grandfather passed away. They were not close. My brother called and told me the news matter-of-factly.

I have a strong aversion to funerals and go only if I "have to." I know this sounds cold, but my aversion is strong. Everyone knows this about me.

My brother called me a couple of days after the funeral, yelling at me because I didn't attend. I was waiting to call his girlfriend until after everything settled, because I know how crazy it is when someone in your immediate family passes away.

Could you please explain the proper etiquette in a situation like this? Was I completely wrong in not going? -- K.D. IN CREST HILL, ILL.

DEAR K.D.: Your mistake wasn't in skipping the funeral. It was in not immediately reaching out and offering sympathy to your brother's girlfriend for her loss. Since "everyone" knows you have an aversion to funerals, your brother should not have yelled at you. However, I can understand his being upset that you didn't call, didn't send a card or flowers, or in any other way acknowledge the fact that his girlfriend -- and your new friend -- had lost a loved one. It would have been the proper and considerate thing to do.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Sick at Heart" wrote that she is trapped in a loveless marriage because after being divorced, she made a religious commitment that she would never leave her second husband. She said the love is long gone and that her doctor has not been able to successfully medicate her severe depression. You advised her to talk with her spiritual adviser.

I am a spiritual adviser, and I would like to direct my comments to that woman:

I strongly feel that in a marriage made by God, two people become one. From your description of your marriage, it is clear that it was never sanctioned by God, therefore you are released from any pledge that you made.

The Bible tells us that God is present everywhere. This includes you. His spirit is within you. God is love and wants love to fill our lives. God does not want anyone to live in a situation such as you have described. There is no spiritual law that demands you stay in your loveless marriage.

Learn to forgive yourself for this "mistake" as Jesus forgave "the woman at the well who had five husbands and the one she was living with was not her husband." Listen to the Holy Spirit within you and you will be free to go your way. -- THE REV. NORMAN L. CONAWAY, EUSTIS, FLA.

DEAR REV. CONAWAY: You are obviously a caring and compassionate man of God. I hope "Sick at Heart" sees your letter, and that it gives her the courage to do what she must for her own mental, physical and spiritual health. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a female ordained minister and spiritual counselor, I would like to comment on the letter from "Sick at Heart."

God has admonished us to love everyone. "Sick" must remind herself that "everyone" includes HER. Loving herself cannot include living with a spiritually and emotionally absent man.

Adultery comes in many forms. Being neglectful, inconsiderate and emotionally absent is a form of adultery. Such negligence is also abusive -- and no scripture, teaching or God condones the continuation of a marriage where either adultery or abuse or both exist.

She is not only doing a grave disservice to herself, but also to her husband, because she is unable to love him. She is far better off leaving him so they BOTH can be free to find mates who will truly love them in the way God desires for them both.

It is never God's will for any of us to be sick, especially in our hearts. Medication cannot and will not cure such deep heartache as this woman is experiencing. The God in whom she believes is more than happy to grant her a new beginning. God desires to set her free. -- THE REV. DR. KATITI L. CESANA, ALISO VIEJO (LAGUNA BEACH), CALIF.

DEAR DR. CESANA: Bless you for writing, because your message is an important one. We cannot love another person until we first learn to love ourselves -- and we cannot make another person happy unless there is happiness within us.

FROM MY COLLECTION OF LIMERICKS:

There was a young lady from Trent

Whose TV antenna got bent.

The neighbors went crazy

Their screens all got hazy

For instead of receiving, she sent.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired soldier. Some time ago, I wrote the following verse for those who are now fighting for us. What can we do for them? Write, yes! But better than that, LIVE. -- CORTLAND E. RICHMOND, ROHNERT PARK, CALIF.

DEAR CORTLAND: Thank you for granting me permission to use excerpts from your poem. Today is Veterans Day, and I am sure it will strike a responsive chord with all who read it.

CURRENCY

Do not give medals for our death;

Where we are, we cannot know.

Do not raise flags and hold parades;

Where we are, flags don't go.

We ask but one thing of our land,

Of you who had us fight:

"Please be WORTH the blood we shed,

"Be worth the eternal night."

We are the currency you spend

For freedom, fear or oil;

Our blood, the coin you pay,

Dark on some foreign soil.

DEAR ABBY: In the year 2000, I graduated from law school. Since then I have been unable to pass the state bar exam, which is offered only twice a year. It's a tough exam for someone like me who has never tested well. I have tried four times. The last time I was only 24 points away from passing.

Last month I was laid off from my job, and my husband has been supporting me and our two sons, 4 and 2. My husband is wonderful in that he not only supports me, but also encourages me to study harder and try once again to pass the bar. He knows that if I pass, I could one day double our current income.

I would be happy as an attorney, yet I think I could also find happiness in ANY job where I can help people. With the education I already have, I might be able to obtain a state or federal job, so I'm wondering if I should continue trying to pass the bar.

Do you think I should move on with my life and find another job, so I can begin repaying my student loans and not feel so guilty all the time?

Abby, looking back, I don't know if my four years of college and three more in law school were worth it. Perhaps my repeated failure to pass this one exam is really fate trying to tell me something. What do you think? -- FEELING GUILTY IN MISSOURI

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I do not agree. You've worked hard; please don't give up now. However, before you take the bar exam again, be sure you're mentally and physically prepared. Take the bar review courses until you know the material backward and forward.

Consult your physician about your anxiety. He or she may be able to recommend an anti-anxiety medication to help you relax. The day before the bar exam, treat yourself to a full-body massage and listen to relaxing music. In the morning, eat a nutritious meal, look in the mirror and say, "I CAN DO THIS!" -- then take the bar exam. My readers and I are pulling for you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)