DEAR ABBY: "Sick at Heart" wrote that she is trapped in a loveless marriage because after being divorced, she made a religious commitment that she would never leave her second husband. She said the love is long gone and that her doctor has not been able to successfully medicate her severe depression. You advised her to talk with her spiritual adviser.

I am a spiritual adviser, and I would like to direct my comments to that woman:

I strongly feel that in a marriage made by God, two people become one. From your description of your marriage, it is clear that it was never sanctioned by God, therefore you are released from any pledge that you made.

The Bible tells us that God is present everywhere. This includes you. His spirit is within you. God is love and wants love to fill our lives. God does not want anyone to live in a situation such as you have described. There is no spiritual law that demands you stay in your loveless marriage.

Learn to forgive yourself for this "mistake" as Jesus forgave "the woman at the well who had five husbands and the one she was living with was not her husband." Listen to the Holy Spirit within you and you will be free to go your way. -- THE REV. NORMAN L. CONAWAY, EUSTIS, FLA.

DEAR REV. CONAWAY: You are obviously a caring and compassionate man of God. I hope "Sick at Heart" sees your letter, and that it gives her the courage to do what she must for her own mental, physical and spiritual health. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a female ordained minister and spiritual counselor, I would like to comment on the letter from "Sick at Heart."

God has admonished us to love everyone. "Sick" must remind herself that "everyone" includes HER. Loving herself cannot include living with a spiritually and emotionally absent man.

Adultery comes in many forms. Being neglectful, inconsiderate and emotionally absent is a form of adultery. Such negligence is also abusive -- and no scripture, teaching or God condones the continuation of a marriage where either adultery or abuse or both exist.

She is not only doing a grave disservice to herself, but also to her husband, because she is unable to love him. She is far better off leaving him so they BOTH can be free to find mates who will truly love them in the way God desires for them both.

It is never God's will for any of us to be sick, especially in our hearts. Medication cannot and will not cure such deep heartache as this woman is experiencing. The God in whom she believes is more than happy to grant her a new beginning. God desires to set her free. -- THE REV. DR. KATITI L. CESANA, ALISO VIEJO (LAGUNA BEACH), CALIF.

DEAR DR. CESANA: Bless you for writing, because your message is an important one. We cannot love another person until we first learn to love ourselves -- and we cannot make another person happy unless there is happiness within us.

FROM MY COLLECTION OF LIMERICKS:

There was a young lady from Trent

Whose TV antenna got bent.

The neighbors went crazy

Their screens all got hazy

For instead of receiving, she sent.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired soldier. Some time ago, I wrote the following verse for those who are now fighting for us. What can we do for them? Write, yes! But better than that, LIVE. -- CORTLAND E. RICHMOND, ROHNERT PARK, CALIF.

DEAR CORTLAND: Thank you for granting me permission to use excerpts from your poem. Today is Veterans Day, and I am sure it will strike a responsive chord with all who read it.

CURRENCY

Do not give medals for our death;

Where we are, we cannot know.

Do not raise flags and hold parades;

Where we are, flags don't go.

We ask but one thing of our land,

Of you who had us fight:

"Please be WORTH the blood we shed,

"Be worth the eternal night."

We are the currency you spend

For freedom, fear or oil;

Our blood, the coin you pay,

Dark on some foreign soil.

DEAR ABBY: In the year 2000, I graduated from law school. Since then I have been unable to pass the state bar exam, which is offered only twice a year. It's a tough exam for someone like me who has never tested well. I have tried four times. The last time I was only 24 points away from passing.

Last month I was laid off from my job, and my husband has been supporting me and our two sons, 4 and 2. My husband is wonderful in that he not only supports me, but also encourages me to study harder and try once again to pass the bar. He knows that if I pass, I could one day double our current income.

I would be happy as an attorney, yet I think I could also find happiness in ANY job where I can help people. With the education I already have, I might be able to obtain a state or federal job, so I'm wondering if I should continue trying to pass the bar.

Do you think I should move on with my life and find another job, so I can begin repaying my student loans and not feel so guilty all the time?

Abby, looking back, I don't know if my four years of college and three more in law school were worth it. Perhaps my repeated failure to pass this one exam is really fate trying to tell me something. What do you think? -- FEELING GUILTY IN MISSOURI

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: I do not agree. You've worked hard; please don't give up now. However, before you take the bar exam again, be sure you're mentally and physically prepared. Take the bar review courses until you know the material backward and forward.

Consult your physician about your anxiety. He or she may be able to recommend an anti-anxiety medication to help you relax. The day before the bar exam, treat yourself to a full-body massage and listen to relaxing music. In the morning, eat a nutritious meal, look in the mirror and say, "I CAN DO THIS!" -- then take the bar exam. My readers and I are pulling for you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my next-to-oldest daughter became angry with me and said, in front of my husband, "George" (her stepfather), that he had sexually abused her when she was small. I was furious that she would accuse him of anything like that. I thought she said it to get back at me.

Well, I have recently found out that what she said was true! George also abused my oldest daughter. They are now 34 and 36, and say they have forgiven him because he was drinking during those years.

Abby, I feel terrible for my daughters. I have been married to George for 31 years and would never have believed this in my wildest dreams! I'm sick about it and don't know what to do. My daughters have a good relationship with George now. I don't even want to look at him. Should I confront him? I don't know what good it would do now. Please help. -- FEELING NUMB IN INDIANA

DEAR FEELING NUMB: What George did is unforgivable. By all means confront your child-molesting husband, but not until you have first discussed this with a counselor and received some emotional support. Ask your daughters to accompany you in case they have any unresolved issues having to do with the abuse.

Since George has proven he can't be trusted around children, he belongs on a list of sexual offenders so he cannot molest other children with whom he might come in contact. And that includes grandchildren. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, Lois, was a loving person, especially to children. At any family gathering, Lois could be found in a corner with the kids, reading stories, playing games or just talking with them. When she died, it was hard on all of us. We tried to protect the kids by not crying in front of them. Sometimes I'd have to run to the bathroom to hide my tears.

One night I woke to hear my oldest son, who was 7 years old, sobbing his heart out. After calming him, I asked what was wrong. He replied, "Mommy, how come nobody cried when Aunt Lois died?"

Sometime later, my daughters, 4 and 5, ended a conversation in their bedroom and came into the kitchen. They told me they figured out why God had let Aunt Lois die: God needed someone in heaven to take care of the babies until they were born.

I learned some important lessons that year -- from my children. -- PATRICIA IN OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR PATRICIA: From the mouths of babes ... Children sometimes exhibit a level of emotional honesty and genuineness from which adults can learn. It is important for children to understand that adults have honest emotions and that showing sadness is not inappropriate. Failing to express these kinds of feelings can cause problems in later life. Books have been written on childhood grieving and are available in bookstores and in local libraries.

Thank you for sharing the important lesson you learned from your children.

DEAR READERS: Children under 10 years old will love this:

Q: What is stranger than seeing a catfish?

A: Seeing a goldfish bowl.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)