DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Confused," the words of Langston Hughes came to mind and are worth remembering: "Never lose hope in your dreams. For without dreams, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly."

I heeded those words, Abby. At the age of 48, I received my master of science in social work from the University of Tennessee. And at 57, I received my Ph.D. in philosophy from the University of Oklahoma. -- ARTHUR H. PRINCE, MEMPHIS, TENN.

DEAR ARTHUR: What a success story. You are an inspiration.

DEAR ABBY: "Confused With a Capital C," a senior in high school, feels torn because her mother wants her to become a doctor. She thinks she'd find teaching a more rewarding field. You advised her to go to college, keep her options open and follow her heart. Your advice was right on. Too frequently, college students have an irrational belief that life decisions will magically resolve for them.

College freshmen should avail themselves of the many opportunities in school to learn about themselves and about careers, and put that information together to make a well-informed decision over time. The time to start is as a freshman:

(1) Freshmen can begin career exploration at their college career center and continue until they graduate.

(2) Many colleges offer freshmen seminars, learning communities, freshmen interest groups and similar opportunities that include exploring various careers and career decisions.

(3) When possible, students should find work-study jobs and volunteer opportunities in a field they want to explore. This gives them firsthand information about the field, and provides references and mentors who can assist them. They will find out whether they like the field or are good at it.

(4) Finally, while in college, it's important to develop thinking skills. If people can think, write, speak, work well with others and express themselves clearly, they will go further in any profession they choose. -- JOEL NOSSOFF, DIRECTOR, NEW STUDENT PROGRAMS, UNIVERSITY OF NEW MEXICO

DEAR JOEL: Thank you for a helpful letter. I agree with you that regardless of what field a person wants to pursue, the ability to think critically and communicate with others is vital. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You neglected to remind "Capital C" and her mother of this basic truth: Without teachers, there would be no doctors.

When I started college, my major was phys ed, with an emphasis on athletic training. After two semesters and an incredible experience in my humanities and English courses, I switched my major to archeology.

College will open the doors to many subjects and areas of interest that young woman may have never dreamed she'd find exciting. Who'da thunk a 30-something woman like me would change her career path from being a professional football trainer to a scholar who digs in the dirt in hopes of piecing together ancient civilizations? Her future is not carved in stone. She should begin her college career and not worry about her mother. She'll find her career niche. -- CHEERING FOR HER FUTURE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR CHEERING: My sentiments exactly.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son was conceived when his father and I were married to other people. He is now 3 and starting to ask questions about his daddy.

I have since divorced, but my child's father has not. His wife and other children are not aware that my son exists. His father pays child support, but has made it clear he wants no relationship whatsoever with our son.

How do I begin to explain to my little one where his father is and why he's not a part of our family?

I also worry about how my son will handle the truth when he's older. I'm afraid he'll have a real issue with the fact that he was conceived during an affair. Please advise me, Abby. -- CANADIAN MOM

DEAR CANADIAN MOM: Honesty is the best policy -- but it should be given in small doses in an age-appropriate manner. Tell your son that his father lives "elsewhere," with his "other family." He can learn more details later.

It would be very helpful if you could get a father substitute involved in your son's life. A trusted male friend or relative could spend time with the boy. If you don't have one, Big Brothers Big Sisters may be able to match your son with a caring male adult who can serve as a mentor and role model. In Canada, call (800) 263-9133 or visit the Web site at www.bbsc.ca. (There is no national 800-number in the USA at this time, but readers who are interested in Big Brothers Big Sisters of America can visit www.BigBrothersBigSisters.org for information.)

DEAR ABBY: Six weeks ago, I met "Rod" through an online singles ad. He lives one village over from me. We met after five "chats" and hit it off. He's an easygoing gentleman. We enjoy many of the same interests (hiking and bird-watching, for example) and have a great time together. However, I fibbed and said I am 51, when in fact I'm 62. Rod is 49. I look great for my age and I'm in excellent health.

Rod said our "small" age difference doesn't mean a thing to him. (But I wonder if he'd feel that way if he knew that it's really a 13-year span?)

Too many people know my age for him not to find out eventually. Try as I may to hide the truth, it's bound to come out. He's starting to get serious about me, and I'm afraid if I level with him now, he'll quit liking me -- not only for fibbing, but for being too old for him. I only stretched the truth because I thought my age might be a barrier, and he's so attractive I wanted a chance with him.

Abby, what am I going to do now? Help! -- THE OLDER WOMAN IN ENGLAND

DEAR OLDER WOMAN: Unless Rod dreams of starting a family, your age shouldn't matter much to him. Regardless of the numbers, he's already attracted to you.

One evening, after fixing him a delicious dinner, ask him, "Would you still be attracted to me if I were five years older than you?" (Of course, he will say yes.)

A few weeks later, ask if he would like you if you were, say, 10 years older.

A month after that, ask if he'd still be attracted to you if you were 12 years older.

If he keeps saying "yes," 13 could be your lucky number!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to a newspaper before, but when I saw the letter from the 12-year-old girl, "Mad at Dad in Virginia," who doesn't want to invite her "cheating" father to her wedding or have him walk her down the aisle when she marries, I knew I had to.

It takes two to make a marriage, and it takes a lot of pressure to break one up. My parents also divorced when I was a child. (My dad ran around, too.) Both of them remarried, and I had wonderful stepparents and wonderful stepsiblings. When I married, my stepdad urged me to have my father walk me down the aisle, but I listened to others in my family and excluded my father and his family from my wedding. My brother gave me away. BIG MISTAKE. Eventually I regretted I didn't have my father at my wedding.

I later realized that my father loved me as much as my mother did -- they just couldn't make their marriage work. Twenty-five years ago, I divorced my first husband and was married a second time. You guessed it. My father walked proudly beside me as I went down the aisle.

I hope when the girl gets older she will forgive her father and love him for who he is. -- BEEN THERE IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR BEEN THERE: I hope so, too. He didn't divorce his daughter; he divorced her mother. Thank you for sharing what you learned from experience. I advised the girl that although her anger at her dad and her protectiveness toward her mother were understandable, she should make no hard-and-fast decisions at this time. I also told her that when she is older she will better understand the reasons her parents' marriage had failed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I was in my early 20s, my mother confided to me that my father had at one time cheated on her. (They are still married.) I was shocked and disappointed.

After thinking about it overnight, I decided that what happened between him and Mother didn't change what a terrific father he had always been to me. It takes two to tango, and my mother was wrong to share something so intimate with me. I believe the reason she did it was to show me he wasn't the perfect man I thought he was.

My advice to that little girl is to recognize that sometimes adults behave like children. Some parents who divorce want their child to take their side and selfishly try to get the child to love them best. Whatever the reasons the parents had for divorcing, the intimate details should be left to the adults.

I'm sure the father hasn't told his daughter why he strayed. I agree with you that she shouldn't rush to judgment about her father. -- DADDY'S GIRL, MONROE, GA.

DEAR DADDY'S GIRL: Divorce is usually painful for all concerned, and many times things are said in the heat of anger without considering what the consequences might be. A mother who is tempted to dump the dirty details of her husband's infidelities on her impressionable daughter should remember that a little girl's first love is her daddy. And the impression she has of him -- for better or worse -- may color her expectations of men for the rest of her life.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)