DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced from my husband of 17 years. There is someone special in my life now, and my ex-husband is trying to cause problems where my kids are concerned. I have tried to talk to him about keeping his distorted thoughts and opinions about my boyfriend to himself; however, he can't seem to do it.

My daughter is 13 and has a mind of her own. My son is 6, and he acts according to things he has heard my ex-husband say. This is affecting my relationship with my son because I have tried to teach him to be respectful to all adults, no matter who they are. I keep reminding my son that my boyfriend has done nothing to him and deserves to be treated nicely.

Please help. I love this man and want my kids to be a part of our lives. -- HOPEFUL IN N.C.

DEAR HOPEFUL: Since your ex-husband refuses to cooperate, the only other choice is to try to make the children less susceptible to his brainwashing. The next time your son acts out, take him aside and ask him why he's doing it. If he repeats something that his father told him, say, "You know, your daddy is very angry right now -- and sometimes we all say things we don't mean when we're angry." Point out that the boyfriend has always been good to you and to him.

You say at 13 your daughter has a mind of her own. If that means she likes your boyfriend, enlist her help in convincing her brother that the man is not as bad as their father says he is.

If that doesn't work, make an appointment with a child psychologist, and good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I am 48 and have been married 21 years. My husband is the only person I have ever had sex with. For most of our married life, we have had sex three to seven times a week. We had our share of minor sexual problems, but lack of desire was never one of them until a few years ago. I just lost interest. My husband would do everything a loving husband could possibly do to spark romance, to no avail. He would give me wonderful, long massages, my favorite prelude to sex in the past -- and I would just fall asleep.

One night a few months ago, my husband and I were out on a "date." We had just finished dinner, and the next showing of the movie we wanted to see was in two hours. My husband joked that we should go somewhere and park -- and I got a sudden urge I hadn't felt for some time. We found a secluded spot and parked. It was the first time either of us had ever gotten completely naked anywhere outside of a bedroom, and it was the best sex I have had in years. Abby, we had so much fun I didn't want to go to the movie.

We have had some great sex since then, but only when we park somewhere or do it outside our house. I still can't get turned on at home. What is wrong with me? Have you ever heard of this? -- J.D. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR J.D.: There is nothing "wrong" with you. It appears you are one of those who need an element of "danger" (for instance, the possibility of getting caught) to spark your libido. Warning: Having sex in public is most likely against local, state or federal statutes, so I urge you to be very careful. I have always subscribed to the adage that what goes on between two consenting adults and hurts neither one is OK with me.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 44-year-old woman who married "Barry" two years ago. He was a widower with two small boys, now 8 and 11.

I married Barry with the hope and understanding I could help to raise these children, but he now seems to resent my efforts. For example, he has made comments referring to himself as no longer being the primary disciplinarian by telling me, "I'm glad you're the bad guy now."

He constantly accuses me of asking too much of the boys. Abby, I expect them to clean their room and the bathroom they use. Barry also objects when I correct the kids' eating habits and manners -- like reminding them not to interrupt when two adults are talking.

Unfortunately, my husband's attitude is beginning to rub off on the oldest boy, who sometimes takes on a negative attitude when I ask him to do a chore -- or anything, for that matter.

Am I fighting a losing battle? Any suggestions you have would be helpful. -- FEELING ALONE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR FEELING ALONE: Without your husband's support, you are fighting a losing battle of "bait and switch." Your requests seem reasonable to me; however, the WAY you are teaching the boys may need an adjustment to make it more palatable. Family counseling could be helpful to all of you.

The Stepfamily Association of America is another terrific resource because more than 50 percent of families today are blended families. Membership is $40 a year, but the association offers support groups, retreats, Web sites, and access to have issues addressed with counselors. Find it on the Internet at: www.stepfam.org, with a link to a special site for stepmothers at www.steptogether.org. The phone number is (800) 735-0329.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister, age 77, has been widowed for eight years.

She met a man from church whom she dates; it's the first time she has dated since being widowed. They spend some vacation time together and go on weekend trips.

He tells her he will never marry. She thinks someday she can change his mind. We know that he also sees a younger woman. He denies it -- and my sister believes him. He has broken off with her twice, and she keeps running back to him.

I want her to be happy. She has dyed her gray hair to an awful-looking brown and acts like a teenager. I have tried to talk to her, but she doesn't listen. Her health isn't good. What should I do? -- WORRIED SISTER

DEAR WORRIED SISTER: Be supportive and loving and let your sister live her own life. Whatever his intentions, it appears that this man from church has given your sister something to live for. Since her health isn't good, let her enjoy the time she has. She's hurting no one, and she may be stronger than you think.

P.S. If the romance ends badly, be supportive, bite your tongue, and DON'T say, "I told you so."

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A bit of philosophy from Albert Schweitzer: An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere, while the pessimist sees only the red stoplight. The truly wise person is colorblind.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband of one year, "Phil," and I are facing a problem we don't know how to handle.

Back in college, Phil had an on-again, off-again girlfriend, "Madison." He cared for her but because of her mental instability, he finally ended the romance. Although Phil has not seen or spoken to her in years, they have occasionally kept in touch by e-mail. (This has always been initiated by her.)

It has become a problem, Abby, because Madison won't stop trying to contact my husband. He stopped responding to her e-mails, but she never took the hint.

First she wrote to tell him she heard he was getting married. Then she found out I was pregnant and concluded that was the reason for our wedding -- which couldn't be further from the truth. Later, she wrote to ask Phil how my pregnancy was coming along.

Our daughter was born two months ago, and yesterday we were informed that Madison bought a baby gift and intends to drop it off at the home of Phil's parents. He is very upset. He says he wants this woman to leave him alone -- that she's unstable and can't accept the fact he's married.

Since she lives in another state, I'm not worried about her peeking in our windows; I just don't understand why she refuses to let go. What should we do with the baby gift? We don't want it. -- TROUBLED IN THE LONE STAR STATE

DEAR TROUBLED: She won't let go because she's clinging to her fantasy that she wasn't rejected. In other words, she's in a state of denial.

What to do with the unwanted baby gift? Donate it to a hospital or a children's shelter. Your husband should write a brief letter acknowledging the gift -- and stating that he would prefer the past remain in the past, so please send nothing more because he needs to devote his full attention to his wife and child in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you as a last resort. I am 14 and come from a very good family, with one exception -- my mother. She is an alcoholic. She drinks every day from noon until she goes to bed at night. I recently went to counseling because I tried to kill myself. I am starting to have those feelings again.

Mother casts me aside when she is drunk. I feel as though there is nothing left for me to live for. I want to go back into counseling, but I am afraid I will hurt my parents' feelings.

Please give me some advice, Abby. -- ALONE AND DEPRESSED

DEAR ALONE AND DEPRESSED: If you are feeling depressed and suicidal, your parents' "feelings" are the last thing you should be worrying about. Call the counselor you were seeing before and schedule an appointment. Then tell your father what you have done -- and why.

I'm sorry to say you are not the only teenager in this sad situation. Alcoholics Anonymous has a sub-organization for children of alcoholics. It's called Alateen. It's listed in most phone books or you can call the information operator. Please don't wait to contact the organization. Once you do, you will discover you are not alone with this problem, and you'll be given the support and information you deserve.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)