DEAR ABBY: My husband of one year, "Phil," and I are facing a problem we don't know how to handle.
Back in college, Phil had an on-again, off-again girlfriend, "Madison." He cared for her but because of her mental instability, he finally ended the romance. Although Phil has not seen or spoken to her in years, they have occasionally kept in touch by e-mail. (This has always been initiated by her.)
It has become a problem, Abby, because Madison won't stop trying to contact my husband. He stopped responding to her e-mails, but she never took the hint.
First she wrote to tell him she heard he was getting married. Then she found out I was pregnant and concluded that was the reason for our wedding -- which couldn't be further from the truth. Later, she wrote to ask Phil how my pregnancy was coming along.
Our daughter was born two months ago, and yesterday we were informed that Madison bought a baby gift and intends to drop it off at the home of Phil's parents. He is very upset. He says he wants this woman to leave him alone -- that she's unstable and can't accept the fact he's married.
Since she lives in another state, I'm not worried about her peeking in our windows; I just don't understand why she refuses to let go. What should we do with the baby gift? We don't want it. -- TROUBLED IN THE LONE STAR STATE
DEAR TROUBLED: She won't let go because she's clinging to her fantasy that she wasn't rejected. In other words, she's in a state of denial.
What to do with the unwanted baby gift? Donate it to a hospital or a children's shelter. Your husband should write a brief letter acknowledging the gift -- and stating that he would prefer the past remain in the past, so please send nothing more because he needs to devote his full attention to his wife and child in the future.