DEAR ABBY: I received the enclosed "memo" from a friend. When I read it, I was floored. Once you read it, I'm sure you'll understand why. What's your take on this? -- AGAPE IN SYRACUSE, N.Y.
DEAR AGAPE: If the document you sent me is on the level, the bride-to-be appears to have an abundance of unresolved control issues and an astounding lack of tact. Read on:
MEMO TO MY ATTENDANTS: Hey, girls! Mom has your dresses for the wedding. She'll bring them to the shower next weekend. You can pick them up there. "Allison" sent me an e-mail asking what style shoes and jewelry to wear. Great question, Allison! There are so many details. I keep forgetting to tell my girls what to do.
This is an excellent opportunity to go over my expectations for each of you:
About the shoes, please wear tasteful flats. Most of you are taller than me. I'd rather you not all tower over me.
I want all of you to wear your hair down. Since "Babs" and Allison have similar hair, I'd prefer that Babs straighten hers and let Allison be the curly-haired girl. After all, she's my friend and you are just bridesmaids! I'm sure you understand.
"Judy" and "Molly," you have both mentioned that you intend to shed a few pounds. This would be the perfect time! Watch your diets; we will all start weekly weigh-ins. Allison could use some trimming down, too.
Also, you should all stay away from alcohol for at least a week before the wedding. None of us should be puffy or bloated. I think this is mainly for Babs, as none of my ladies drink all that much.
Other than that, I don't have any real suggestions. Oh, please don't go tanning! I prefer to blend in with you than stand out as the pale one!
Judy, Allison and Molly, please call me. There are a few other things that I need to go over with you on this topic. Babs, you are "Scotty's" friend so I wouldn't presume to tell you what needs to be corrected -- plus, your own wedding is coming up after mine. So I'm sure you're already more than a little aware of what you need to work on.
See ya'll on Saturday. Babs, remember you'll attend the shower with us girls rather than the paintball fun with the boys. Dress accordingly, dear!