DEAR ABBY: My 76-year-old grandmother refuses to take care of her health. She is dangerously overweight, diabetic, has M.S. and heart disease -- among other ailments.

Grandma has more specialists than she can keep track of and self-medicates on a regular basis. Her trips to the emergency room are frequent, and she has been close to death on several occasions.

I'm not the only one worried about Grandma. Her husband and two children cry, beg and plead with her to take her health more seriously -- or to allow us to help manage her meds and medical appointments. Each time she has a close call, she promises she's "learned her lesson and will do better," but she doesn't change a thing.

I am at my wit's end! Grandma refuses to see the damage she's doing to herself. Our small family doesn't want her to die. My guilt and frustration have led to anger, which I know hurts her, because we've always been close. However, I'm at a loss about how to get through to her.

Please help, Abby. Grandma reads your column religiously. Maybe if she sees herself in print, along with your advice, it might push her in the right direction. Thanks for any help you can offer. -- AT THE END OF MY ROPE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR AT THE END: While you love your grandmother and want her with you as long as possible, it may not be possible for her to make the lifestyle changes you and her doctors would like. She's 76, and a lot of damage has already been done.

For some people, making lifestyle changes can be stressful -- even if they're positive changes. From your description of your grandmother's condition, it might be better to let her live out the time she has left without being too hard on her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I "had" to get married because I got pregnant. We scraped together $70 and bought a set of wedding bands, and one very small engagement ring with a little diamond dust on it. Our early days were difficult, as we had no money and a baby on the way.

Over the years, through a lot of hard work, we formed a strong, loving union. I am proud of my husband, who works two jobs six days a week so I can stay home and raise our son.

Last year, we celebrated our 10th anniversary, and my husband took me out for a rare restaurant meal. After we had eaten, he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small black box. He slid it across the table and said, "This time, I mean it. Will you spend the rest of your life with me?" Inside was a gorgeous ring with a beautiful stone. He then went on to tell me that the first ring was for where we started, but this ring signified where we are going. I was deeply touched.

My ring may not be the biggest or most beautiful, but it is my dearest treasure, for it signifies the love of my husband -- and for that, I am truly blessed! -- JAMIE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR JAMIE: You are both blessed in many ways. Your marriage succeeded where many do not. The reason is you and your husband put all your efforts into building your relationship and making it strong.

I wish you happiness and success in your future together. You have earned both.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl about to start my sophomore year in high school. I play sports, help out with chores around the house, and tend to my little sisters after school until Mom gets home from work.

I've always tried to live up to everyone else's expectations of me, because I don't want to let anyone down.

I now want to start dating and hanging out with school friends and go to parties. I don't intend to be wild. I just want to have some fun every now and then.

The problem is my mom is strict about my curfew –- 11 o'clock. I have asked for midnight, but she thinks that's too late for me to be out. I have friends younger than me who have midnight curfews.

Mom tells me she doesn't want me to make the same mistakes she made. But how will I learn about life if I can't experience things for myself? I'm smarter than she realizes. I know right from wrong. I think I'm old enough to find out who I am. Abby, do you think I'm asking too much? -- WANTING TO GROW UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WANTING: Whether you're asking too much depends on the kind of dates you have in mind. If you're going out with groups of friends -– and it's supervised -– 11 o'clock is fine for a 15-year-old. If you continue to be as responsible as you are, renegotiate the curfew when you turn 16.

DEAR ABBY: Before our wedding, my mother-in-law offered to purchase a set of sterling silver flatware for her son and me as our gift. She instructed us to register the pattern we selected and said she'd buy the set.

Two weeks prior to our wedding, my in-laws came to visit and brought our wedding gift with them. Imagine my shock when I opened the box and found a totally different set than the one we had chosen!

Without thinking, I said, "Oh, this isn't the silver we picked!" My mother-in-law replied that her selection was better.

I want to exchange the set for the one my fiance and I wanted in the first place. My husband says to drop the subject, unless I want his mom to comment about it every time we sit down for a meal together.

This has become a bone of contention between my new husband and me. Does his mom have the right to wield that kind of control over us, Abby? What should I do? -- MAD AT HIS MOM IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR MAD: Your mother-in-law has the right to wield that kind of control only if her son and you allow her to. What she did may have been well-intended, but it came across as insensitive and heavy-handed.

It's time for you and your husband to have a talk with his mother and tell her that while you appreciate her gift, you chose the pattern you selected for a reason. You both liked it. And while she may prefer the pattern she selected, she is not the person who is going to have to live with it. Therefore the silver is being exchanged for the one you prefer.

Once you put the subject on the table, it's less likely to be rehashed at subsequent family gatherings than if she arrives for a dinner party and is "surprised." Your brand-new hubby owes it to you to back you up on this, and you can tell him I said so.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding the letter from the college freshman who signed herself "Looking for Fulfillment." She's the young woman who wants a specific man's child for "genetic reasons" without "trying to tie him down or ask for child support."

It never ceases to amaze me how self-centered and arrogant people can be. She stalks a guy for his sperm and tells him he can stay away and let her raise the baby. No thought is given to how the child will feel after he or she is born and wants to know where Daddy is.

My dad took off when I was 5. I still wonder where he is. That girl needs to visit Oz and find a brain and a heart. -- MISS T. IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR MISS T.: I agree that a child should have the right to know both parents. Children have a better chance to grow into stronger and more confident adults when both parents give them love, attention and guidance. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That young woman needs help -– and I hope the man she had in mind recognizes it before it's too late. He should run for his life.

A woman I considered to be a very close friend for six years asked me to father her baby to fill a void in her life. She promised she would ask nothing from me in return. I was flattered. My ego was stoked by the idea she wanted my "special seed" because I'm such a great guy. So I did it.

She became pregnant, had the baby and moved away. I felt guilty and ashamed because I knew I had done the wrong thing. In the meantime, I met a terrific woman. We married and had a couple of kids. Five years into my marriage, this woman shows up with legal papers and a paternity test, requesting back child support since birth, health insurance, future child support, a college savings plan, and reimbursement for other past expenses related to the child. She told me she was "sorry" she had to do this to me, but she realized that raising a child on her own was a million times more difficult than she thought it was going to be.

My life is a complicated mess now. We are financially ruined. All the plans and dreams for my current family are gone –- everything has changed. I will do the right thing for the child's sake and be a father to him. But innocent lives have been changed forever because of my naivete and her "romantic" delusional thinking. -- A FOOL IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR SIR: Your experience proves how expensive "free love" can be. How much better it would have been if the woman who asked you to father her child had instead chosen to examine why she felt unfulfilled before rushing into motherhood.

"Looking for Fulfillment" said she wanted that particular man's baby for "genetic reasons." (His looks? Athletic ability? His brains?) It reminds me of a story I heard long ago concerning George Bernard Shaw. One night while he was at a dinner party, a somewhat tipsy actress who was famous for her beauty turned to him and said, "You know, we should have a child together. With my looks and your brains, it would have all the advantages in the world."

Shaw thought about it for a moment. "But dear lady," he replied, "what fate would await it if it inherited your brains and my looks?"

WORTH REMEMBERING: The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. (Submitted by Carl Young, Union City, N.J.)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)