DEAR ABBY: The letter from the woman whose neighbor comes over "no less than twice a day to borrow something" prompts my own. One sentence stood out that you might have missed: "Lately, I've been telling her I'm out of whatever she asks for, but she's always quick to ask for something else." Is it possible that the neighbor might be needing a friend? Sometimes reaching out and asking for something is an attempt at conversation and friendship. A shy person might think this is an effective way of communicating.

What if the writer were to walk over and ask to borrow something herself? I'd be interested to see if the neighbor invites her in. If so, maybe that's the type of hospitality she's looking for.

Abby, I think your advice was excellent for a pesky neighbor, but what if the person is someone who wasn't blessed with the social skills that you and I were -- and is only trying to make a friend? -- MARISA IN SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIF.

DEAR MARISA: Your point is well taken. However, it is my observation that people who approach with something to give are usually welcomed more quickly than those who habitually approach with an outstretched palm. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was also faced with neighbors who had more money and stamina than I. Believe me, they borrowed everything they could.

As the wife of a hard-working husband and the mother of eight children, I had to put a stop to it. When a woman asked to borrow my curlers, I asked her to leave something with me until I got them back, because "You know I will return them" never happens. I posted a note on my refrigerator that read: "If you want a cup of sugar, give me two potatoes. A can of tomatoes equals four eggs ..." etc.

This was such a popular idea that all the neighbors started swapping instead of borrowing. -- VINA ROY, MERRIMACK, N.H.

DEAR VINA: You're a clever lady. Swapping is better than constantly borrowing any day of the week.

DEAR ABBY: Did it occur to you that the "freeloader" could be one of the millions of one-check-away-from-the-street poor?

I grew up incredibly poor, and if it hadn't been for the kindness of our neighbors, I wouldn't have made it. One neighbor became a father figure to my siblings and me -- in addition to giving us milk.

I urge people not to turn their backs on their neighbors. The poor, the sick and the lonely need our support. What kind of a world would it be if we ignored those next door to us? Community is not just for the well-off.

Perhaps the writer of that letter should find out why her neighbor has no phone or anything else. Maybe she could help her. -- THANKFUL FOR THE KINDNESS OF NEIGHBORS, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR THANKFUL: I agree that the poor, the sick and the lonely need support and shouldn't be ignored. But if the family is chronically needy, it seems to me that rather than doling out Ziploc bags and diet soda, it would be far more helpful to put the person in touch with social services or a church group that could help them fix the problem instead of putting a Band-Aid over the symptoms.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 35-year-old single woman who has had terrible luck with men. I've always been attracted to great-looking guys who turn out to be complete jerks.

I have recently started to get to know a man who works for the same company, but in another city. We talk on the phone several times a week because of our jobs. He is nice, kind and has a big heart. We finally met last week. I introduced myself and we talked like old friends. We didn't even realize there were other people in the room. He called me the other day and asked me out. I'm really excited about it.

Here's the catch: My co-workers tell me not to go out with him. They say he is not "my type" -- that he's not good-looking enough. Abby, I want to go out with him and get to know him better. His looks don't matter to me. (I think he may be "the one.") I love my co-workers and usually care what they think. Now I don't know what to do. Help! -- LOOKING FOR LOVE, NOT LOOKS

DEAR LOOKING: "They" won't have to live with him. You will -- if he is indeed "the one." And remember, real beauty is from within.

Go out with him and get to know him, but take plenty of time before deciding he's your Prince Charming. First impressions can be misleading. Love may be blind, so use your head in addition to your heart, and you won't go wrong.

DEAR ABBY: Last summer, before we were married, my fiance, "Justin," and I had a conversation that led to him telling me that he thought my mother was prettier and more sexually attractive than I am. I was devastated. I am the spitting image of my mother. He later apologized for what he said and we moved on. However, it took me months to regain my self-esteem to a point where I could even look at myself in the mirror.

Justin has always been the type to prefer older women. In fact, he has dated several. (He is 6 1/2 years older than I am.) I cannot help but feel he would rather be with my mom. It doesn't help matters that my mother is the biggest flirt I know. She flirts constantly with Justin, and when I confront her about it, she tells me I am "overreacting."

Even now, after more than a year, I still get bouts of depression that leave me feeling worthless. Although I know he loves me, I feel he will never look at me and see someone as sexy and beautiful as my mother. What do I need to do to get over this? -- HURTING IN CANADA

DEAR HURTING: You need to get counseling, because you must come to terms with your relationship with your competitive and insecure mother and the damage she has done to your self-esteem.

You ARE the one your husband wants to be with. But I don't think you will truly accept that fact until you have resolved, with professional help, your relationship with your mother. Please don't wait. You'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: I am planning to propose to my girlfriend of five years. Do I need to ask her father's permission? And when is the appropriate time to do so? -- JACK IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR JACK: Asking the girl's father for permission to marry her is a charming but somewhat outdated custom.

First, ask your girlfriend -- and then the two of you should approach her parents with the happy news.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My brother just turned 16 and is learning to drive. He has already run over a chipmunk, a garbage can and our fence.

Yesterday, my father asked my brother to drive home in our brand-new van. My mom and I were terrified. I started yelling, "I'm too young to die!" My mother told him to pull over because she was afraid she was going to "hurl."

Abby, what should I do the next time I have to be in a car he is driving? Help me! -- GOING BANANAS BECAUSE OF BRO

DEAR GOING BANANAS: You should never get into a vehicle with anyone -- your brother included -- unless you are certain the person is a safe driver. And your brother should not be behind the wheel unless he is accompanied by an adult who can supervise his driving.

It appears your brother still has a lot to learn -- and he may need some additional lessons from an accredited driving instructor.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old white-collar professional who works in a stressful and demanding position. I cherish my time off (nights, weekends and holidays). I need to unwind and rejuvenate myself.

The problem: my mother. She also leads a hectic life filled with ongoing responsibilities, which include running her own business in addition to managing several apartment buildings she owns.

Whenever there is a problem with one of her rentals, she complains about everything she has to take care of. Then she'll ask me to help her out fixing plumbing, changing locks, etc.

Abby, my mother nets in excess of $250,000 per year. I have offered to find a handyman to assist her, but she gets upset and says, "It costs too much to hire someone."

Mom tries to make me feel guilty by telling me that the day will come when I'll inherit everything she has. What should I do to keep the peace? -- OVERWHELMED IN ORLANDO

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Your peace of mind is more important than "keeping the peace." Tell your mother that with all of her responsibilities, she needs a handyman -- and if that means you inherit less, so be it. Then offer again to help her find one.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I am scared about my feelings. I am 32, married and emotionally and physically attracted to my 18-year-old cousin, "Peter." He has been vacationing in our home this summer. Since he's been here we have had wonderful conversations -- he hasn't left my side. The truth is, Peter makes me feel wanted, loved and happy.

Abby, please explain what I am going through. I've been so caught up with Peter that I have neglected my husband. Is this an early midlife crisis? -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

DEAR TOO CLOSE: No. You are getting admiration, compliments and validation from someone who is idealistic, enthusiastic and youthful. That can be a pretty heady cocktail for someone who is thirsty.

Ask yourself why you are vulnerable, and you'll have the answer to your question. You and your husband would benefit from marriage counseling. It will give you both an opportunity to explore your feelings. Call today for a referral from your physician.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)