DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 18 years. Two years ago, I met "Rita." She was "the girl of my dreams," and we moved in together. Our relationship was "unstoppable." My wife and I began divorce proceedings.

Three weeks ago, my doctor told me there was a good chance I had cancer. I needed more tests. I panicked and ran back to my wife and children. I wanted them to hear it from me. I told them I "might" get very sick from the disease and the treatment. I ended up going on a one-week vacation with my family. Rita said she understood I needed to be with them.

On the first day of vacation, I realized how much I missed Rita and decided to call her. There was no answer. When I called her the next day at her job, she said, "I have moved on," and hung up. I was shocked because she had always told me we were "soul mates and our love would never die." Now she won't give me the time of day and has threatened to notify the police if I keep calling.

Abby, the irony is -- I don't have cancer. It's four small cysts. At my suggestion, my wife agreed to e-mail Rita to tell her that I am not sick after all, and that she and I are not sleeping together. So far there has been no response from Rita.

Now I don't know what to do. I think Rita broke up with me not knowing all the facts. What do you think? -- HEALTHY AND UNHAPPY IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR HEALTHY AND UNHAPPY: The "girl of your dreams" turned out to be a nightmare, and you have failed to recognize a blessing in disguise. Rita wasn't planning to be with you for the long haul. Instead of "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health," she planned on only "for better and in health." Thank heavens you found out before you invested anymore precious time in her.

DEAR ABBY: We are fast approaching the first anniversary of Sept. 11, 2001. For those who experienced the death of a loved one, the anniversary of that unforgettable day will rekindle feelings of profound loss and pain.

AARP has a 28-year history of bereavement support, and since Sept. 11 has developed new grief and loss programs and resources that are available to anyone, not just AARP members.

AARP's Web site, www.griefandloss.org, offers extensive information, resources and support, including chat rooms and discussion boards, consumer tips, online journaling and information on support groups and their locations. AARP also provides a wide range of publications in English and Spanish designed to reach all bereaved adults.

Abby, we are also offering your readers a free brochure titled, "Understanding the Grief Process." This brochure provides an overview of grief and loss, its unique impact, and resources to assist individuals and their families in the grief process. Readers can order their free copy (Order No. D16832) by calling our toll-free number: (800) 424-3410.

Together, we can help bereaved adults begin rebuilding their lives. -- SUSAN KOVAC ECKRICH, DIRECTOR, AARP GRIEF AND LOSS PROGRAMS

DEAR SUSAN: Thank you for your timely letter. Although your programs are intended for friends and families of people who died as a result of last year's terrorist attacks, I am sure they will also be helpful to many others who are struggling with the emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am so confused. Three months ago, I met and began dating a wonderful guy I'll call Jason. I hadn't been in a relationship in more than two years because my ex-husband molested my 6-year-old daughter, and it caused me to distrust men.

When Jason and I are together, he makes me feel not only beautiful, but special and important. Even though I've known him only a few months, my feelings for him are stronger than they've been for anyone.

The reason I'm mixed up is because when Jason and I are together, we have so much fun. But when he leaves, it's sometimes a week or even two weeks before I hear from him again.

When I call him, I get no answer. I always leave a message, but get no immediate call back. When Jason finally does call, his excuse is he went to New York to visit his mother.

I have made it clear how worried I get because he doesn't call to tell me he's leaving town. He also knows I become insecure when I can't reach him.

I'm at a point where I'm beginning to wonder if he is really going out of town to visit "Mother." I think he might be seeing someone else. (I have never been invited to his place.)

Should I give up on him or hang in there, Abby? And how can I be sure my fears and insecurities aren't due to my "trust issues" with men? -- UNSURE AND CONFUSED IN KNOXVILLE, TENN.

DEAR UNSURE AND CONFUSED: Your gentleman friend has a secret life he hasn't shared with you -- and I seriously doubt his mother has anything to do with it. Ask him to level with you -- and if he doesn't, let him go.

P.S. If you really think your fears and insecurities are a result of your trust issues, a few sessions with a professional counselor should put them in perspective.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Ginny" for two happy years. My wife is the best. She's understanding, loving and, most of all, my best friend.

The only problem is her parents. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and have known these folks since I was 12. Ginny's dad has been my pastor a good portion of my life in our small town.

What bothers me is the fact that my in-laws won't let us fall down! Whenever Ginny and I are faced with any type of financial difficulty, her parents find out about it and insist on helping us. Well, it doesn't help.

I've tried to tell Ginny how important it is to live within our means. She just keeps on spending because she knows her mom and dad will bail us out.

Time after time, I've tried to politely refuse their offers of help, to no avail. They end up giving the money directly to Ginny. Abby, can you come up with some advice on what I can do? -- BOTHERED IN NEBRASKA

DEAR BOTHERED: Tell your in-laws they are endangering your marriage. As a man of God, your father-in-law should honor your request and not come between a husband and wife. Ginny is no longer a child, and she needs to understand that her parents won't always be there to "bail her out." I don't know what's causing these monetary crises, but the both of you might benefit from financial counseling.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister is planning her wedding, which will take place next month. It will be a midnight wedding under a full autumn moon, surrounded by candlelight. She and her fiance will exchange their vows at the stroke of midnight, followed by cake and dancing.

While I respect my sister's individuality and her decision to make her wedding exactly as she wants it to be, I have some questions. My sister is a self-proclaimed witch and practices paganism. Her decision to have a midnight wedding is based on her witchcraft and paganistic beliefs.

Abby, I love my sister, although we're not close and do not share the same religious beliefs. My mother feels exactly the same as I do. My sister wants no family participation in the planning of her wedding or the ceremony. Instead of my mother taking the honored place of "mother of the bride," my sister has asked her to be the clean-up crew! We feel she has not considered anyone else's feelings or the hardship that a midnight wedding will put on her guests.

Should Mother and I overlook our hurt feelings and attend my sister's wedding? (Our husbands refuse to.) Or should we simply send a lovely wedding gift in lieu of our attendance? -- BE-WITCHED SISTER IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SISTER: First of all, your mother should decline the "invitation" to be the clean-up crew. Your sister appears to be in a world of her own.

I don't know how serious her interest in witchcraft is, or how long it will last. However, if you and your mother are curious about what the ceremony will be like, I think you should attend. It will demonstrate to your sister -- and her friends -- that you care about her and wish her well.

Take an afternoon nap on the big day -- and if you start to get sleepy around midnight, then stay for only a short spell.

DEAR ABBY: My pastor's wife has a big mouth. She's very sweet, and I sincerely believe she's not intentionally being malicious, but she tells me things about people who are seeing her husband for counseling.

I know who is having serious medical problems, drinking problems, marital problems, etc. If she's telling me these things, I can only imagine what she talks about to other women. I'm afraid her actions will ultimately bring down the church. It happened once before. Should I confront her? Tell an elder? What should I do? -- MYSTIFIED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Confession may be good for the soul, but not if it's being broadcast. By all means confront the pastor's wife. Tell her that what she is doing could end her husband's career. If more rumors reach you, warn the pastor that his wife is leaking confidential information. He needs to know.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old male who is very confused. For the past year, I've been attending business school in El Paso, Texas. However, I'm thinking about dropping out and enrolling in truck-driving school. Becoming a truck driver has always been my dream, but my family doesn't give me the emotional support I need. When I've tried to talk to them about it, they don't listen.

What should I do, Abby? Go for my dreams or do what my family wants me to do? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: Why not do both? Finish business school and then become a truck driver. You might want to own a trucking company one day -- and a business education would come in very handy.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)