DEAR ABBY: My sister is planning her wedding, which will take place next month. It will be a midnight wedding under a full autumn moon, surrounded by candlelight. She and her fiance will exchange their vows at the stroke of midnight, followed by cake and dancing.

While I respect my sister's individuality and her decision to make her wedding exactly as she wants it to be, I have some questions. My sister is a self-proclaimed witch and practices paganism. Her decision to have a midnight wedding is based on her witchcraft and paganistic beliefs.

Abby, I love my sister, although we're not close and do not share the same religious beliefs. My mother feels exactly the same as I do. My sister wants no family participation in the planning of her wedding or the ceremony. Instead of my mother taking the honored place of "mother of the bride," my sister has asked her to be the clean-up crew! We feel she has not considered anyone else's feelings or the hardship that a midnight wedding will put on her guests.

Should Mother and I overlook our hurt feelings and attend my sister's wedding? (Our husbands refuse to.) Or should we simply send a lovely wedding gift in lieu of our attendance? -- BE-WITCHED SISTER IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SISTER: First of all, your mother should decline the "invitation" to be the clean-up crew. Your sister appears to be in a world of her own.

I don't know how serious her interest in witchcraft is, or how long it will last. However, if you and your mother are curious about what the ceremony will be like, I think you should attend. It will demonstrate to your sister -- and her friends -- that you care about her and wish her well.

Take an afternoon nap on the big day -- and if you start to get sleepy around midnight, then stay for only a short spell.

DEAR ABBY: My pastor's wife has a big mouth. She's very sweet, and I sincerely believe she's not intentionally being malicious, but she tells me things about people who are seeing her husband for counseling.

I know who is having serious medical problems, drinking problems, marital problems, etc. If she's telling me these things, I can only imagine what she talks about to other women. I'm afraid her actions will ultimately bring down the church. It happened once before. Should I confront her? Tell an elder? What should I do? -- MYSTIFIED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Confession may be good for the soul, but not if it's being broadcast. By all means confront the pastor's wife. Tell her that what she is doing could end her husband's career. If more rumors reach you, warn the pastor that his wife is leaking confidential information. He needs to know.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old male who is very confused. For the past year, I've been attending business school in El Paso, Texas. However, I'm thinking about dropping out and enrolling in truck-driving school. Becoming a truck driver has always been my dream, but my family doesn't give me the emotional support I need. When I've tried to talk to them about it, they don't listen.

What should I do, Abby? Go for my dreams or do what my family wants me to do? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: Why not do both? Finish business school and then become a truck driver. You might want to own a trucking company one day -- and a business education would come in very handy.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, I was hospitalized after being airlifted for emergency treatment. My condition was so dire that I received last sacraments. My daughter and daughter-in-law were with me for admittance, and again two months later when I was released. Other than that, I received nary a call, card or visit.

Medications for high blood pressure and other ailments were prescribed but not filled. My doctor and I were helpless, as my daughter-in-law had my power of attorney.

Then the girls called a psychiatrist to declare me incompetent. Luckily, he befriended me instead and notified the local adult protective services agency. This took five months, during which the girls continued to harass me. It took its toll; I became almost suicidal. It hurt to know that with four grown children living locally, there was no one to step forward and help me.

At that point, I realized I had been abandoned at the corner of Nowhere and Forever. There were repeated hurtful incidents, and to top it off, I fell and fractured my hip. I made four calls to family members -- not one responded.

I finally severed all ties with my family. For a long time I refused to share my story, fearful it would reflect badly on me. But doctors and therapists I have met through adult protective services have repeatedly assured me, "It happens! THEY are the ones who should feel guilty."

Yes, it hurts. The wounds are deep. However, although I am no longer young, I am embarking on a new life, and have gained new friends and loving, caring relationships. I have never known such happiness and peace of mind.

Abby, please print this so anyone who is feeling hurt and abandoned will know there is always hope. Hang in there -- I am, and life is good again. -- HEALING IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR HEALING: Although your experience was devastating, I'm pleased the outcome has been so positive.

Readers, if you know a senior citizen who is being physically, psychologically or financially abused, adult protective services are as near as your phone book -– and as this letter proves, they can literally be a lifesaver. If there is no listing for your community, contact the police.

DEAR ABBY: "Keeping Secrets in Chicago" wrote about children who confide a problem in a trusted adult other than a parent, and asked if that person is supposed to keep the confidence or intercede with the parents on the child's behalf.

I have been an educator for almost 30 years -- 20 having been spent as a middle-school teacher. I have often been the confidante for troubled teens. This is what I have learned:

Never, ever promise not to tell. When asked to keep a secret, I always reply: "I can see that you are troubled, and I'm here to help you if I can. But I can't promise not to tell."

Abby, I have never had a teenager walk away. They've always chosen to go ahead and share their problem with me. I am then free to use my judgment about how best to serve the student's best interest. -- CHRIS BERGQUIST FULMER, NORTH LAKE COLLEGE, IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR CHRIS: That's a good policy. To do otherwise would betray a confidence.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old mother of three. I have been married for 11 years and need your advice. I love my husband, "Rick," but I am not happy.

My husband has always gone out on weekends and disappears for hours during the week. When I ask Rick where he has been, he says, "Just riding around," or "I don't know." He blames me for every single thing that goes wrong in his life and complains about everything I do for him. Rick calls me unthinkable names in front of the children. He has also hit me many times.

I want to leave him. I have tried many times, but every time I leave him, I get severely depressed and begin to miss him very much.

The last time I left Rick I ended up in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer. What can I do to stay away from him and not lose my mind? Where can I go for help, and who can I lean on for support? I am deeply unhappy and becoming cold and bitter. -- DESPERATE IN ARKANSAS

DEAR DESPERATE: You may think you "love" Rick, but you have described a verbal and physical abuser who also may not be faithful. He has been so successful in chipping away at your self-esteem, he has convinced you that you need him and that tolerating abuse is part of love. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Pack your bags and exit the marriage. The minute the door is closed behind you, ask your doctor for a referral to a licensed counselor to help you rebuild your spirit and your life.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old who weighs 140 pounds and stands 5 feet tall. I feel self-conscious about my body, and hate it when people make comments about my weight.

My brother constantly calls me "fattie" and other rude names. For example, if I turn down an offer for ice cream in front of him, he'll say something like, "Wow! That's a miracle!"

His behavior really hurts, and although I've talked to my parents about it, they haven't done anything to stop him.

I feel ready to work on losing weight, but don't know where to begin. Is there anything I can say to my brother to shut him up? I'll make good use of any suggestions you have. -- TIRED OF FEELING FAT IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR FEELING FAT: Speak to your parents about your desire to adopt healthier eating habits, and ask them to make an appointment with your doctor so you can begin an approved program of diet and exercise.

Next, tell them again how hurtful and humiliating your brother's negative comments are. He may think they're funny, and he needs to be told otherwise. Ridicule never helped anyone solve a problem. Show them this letter and tell them who wrote it. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: I'm confused about something. Would you please explain the difference between an atheist and an agnostic? Some people say agnostics are atheists with no guts. Thanks! -- WONDERING IN CHICAGO

DEAR WONDERING: I'm sure whoever said it was only trying to be funny. Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (Tenth Edition) defines an agnostic as "one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the non-existence of God or a god." In other words, an agnostic is someone who says, "I'll make a firm decision when I have proof."

An atheist is one who actively disbelieves in the existence of a deity. He's a person who has already made up his mind.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)