DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old mother of three. I have been married for 11 years and need your advice. I love my husband, "Rick," but I am not happy.

My husband has always gone out on weekends and disappears for hours during the week. When I ask Rick where he has been, he says, "Just riding around," or "I don't know." He blames me for every single thing that goes wrong in his life and complains about everything I do for him. Rick calls me unthinkable names in front of the children. He has also hit me many times.

I want to leave him. I have tried many times, but every time I leave him, I get severely depressed and begin to miss him very much.

The last time I left Rick I ended up in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer. What can I do to stay away from him and not lose my mind? Where can I go for help, and who can I lean on for support? I am deeply unhappy and becoming cold and bitter. -- DESPERATE IN ARKANSAS

DEAR DESPERATE: You may think you "love" Rick, but you have described a verbal and physical abuser who also may not be faithful. He has been so successful in chipping away at your self-esteem, he has convinced you that you need him and that tolerating abuse is part of love. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Pack your bags and exit the marriage. The minute the door is closed behind you, ask your doctor for a referral to a licensed counselor to help you rebuild your spirit and your life.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old who weighs 140 pounds and stands 5 feet tall. I feel self-conscious about my body, and hate it when people make comments about my weight.

My brother constantly calls me "fattie" and other rude names. For example, if I turn down an offer for ice cream in front of him, he'll say something like, "Wow! That's a miracle!"

His behavior really hurts, and although I've talked to my parents about it, they haven't done anything to stop him.

I feel ready to work on losing weight, but don't know where to begin. Is there anything I can say to my brother to shut him up? I'll make good use of any suggestions you have. -- TIRED OF FEELING FAT IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR FEELING FAT: Speak to your parents about your desire to adopt healthier eating habits, and ask them to make an appointment with your doctor so you can begin an approved program of diet and exercise.

Next, tell them again how hurtful and humiliating your brother's negative comments are. He may think they're funny, and he needs to be told otherwise. Ridicule never helped anyone solve a problem. Show them this letter and tell them who wrote it. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: I'm confused about something. Would you please explain the difference between an atheist and an agnostic? Some people say agnostics are atheists with no guts. Thanks! -- WONDERING IN CHICAGO

DEAR WONDERING: I'm sure whoever said it was only trying to be funny. Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (Tenth Edition) defines an agnostic as "one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the non-existence of God or a god." In other words, an agnostic is someone who says, "I'll make a firm decision when I have proof."

An atheist is one who actively disbelieves in the existence of a deity. He's a person who has already made up his mind.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I grew up as the abused child of a woman who lived on Valium but condemned my father for drinking. When she got mad at him, I was beaten. When someone else messed up, I was beaten. I spent my life being told how worthless I was, and wishing I were dead. I became a heavy drinker and experimented with drugs to block out my pain. The problem was, when I sobered up, the pain was still there.

When I became pregnant, I thought it was my one chance at happiness. When my infant daughter died, I no longer cared if I lived anymore.

Daddy escaped the nightmare, remarried and had a wonderful new family. I stayed, thinking it was my "duty" to look after Mother. Then one day my life changed. A wonderful man, "Barry," entered my life. He has stuck by me through all the grief and heartache my mother could dish out. She told me Barry was worthless and would never take care of me. Barry and I finally moved away from her because my health could no longer take the stress.

Fourteen years have passed since my best friend/lover/husband came into my life. We are still together. He treats me like a queen. My father has since passed away, but not before he and my husband became good friends. My step-siblings are wonderful to me; my stepmom and I speak regularly on the phone. Barry's mother has told me she loves me and is glad her son found me. Every day I thank God that she gave birth to him.

Abby, I am writing to say this: No matter how rough a hand life deals you ... hold on to the goodness and love that can be found. Love does exist -- you just have to find it. Sometimes the search is long and painful, but it is worth it once you reach your destination.

I have progressed from a worthless person to a job in management; from an empty life to one filled with family and friends; from nights filled with tears to days filled with laughter. It is possible.

God bless the people in my life, and God bless you, Abby, for being there to listen. -- A RESCUED SOUL

DEAR RESCUED SOUL: You may have been "rescued," but it took great strength to make it to that point. A more accurate definition of who you are is a survivor -- and an inspiration to those who have read your story.

When things were at their worst, you never gave up on yourself. You deserve the happiness for which you have struggled.

DEAR ABBY: I am 10 years old. My father was in a car accident when I was in first grade. He was in the hospital for four years and died last year. After the accident, my mother began seeing a man, "Craig." Whenever I ask Craig to help me with my homework, he touches me in places he shouldn't. I haven't told anyone, because I don't think my friends would believe me and neither would my mother. She would say it's because I don't like Craig. What should I do? -- SCARED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SCARED: Since you are afraid your mother won't believe you, please confide in your teacher or school principal. If there is no one at school in whom you can confide, then call Childhelp USA and tell the counselor who answers what you have written to me. The toll-free number is 1-800-422-4453. They are there to help young people in situations like yours.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Eduardo," and I have been a couple for nearly four years. We plan to marry in 2004.

Eduardo's parents ("Maribell and Guillermo") have had their share of marital problems but have remained together. My father died six years ago, and my mother raised my sister and me by herself. She is an attractive woman with high standards who chose not to date until last year.

Our "combined family" has always enjoyed getting together on birthdays and holidays. However, recently Guillermo has been hitting on my mother! He stares at her, vies for her attention, and makes no secret of the fact that he loves to be near her.

My mother is not -- and would never be -- interested in him, especially since she and Maribell have become close friends.

I think the behavior of Eduardo's dad is out-and-out inappropriate, but if I mention it to Eduardo, he refuses to acknowledge there's a problem. He insists his father would never behave "like that." Eduardo won't discuss it with me anymore and refuses to bring it up with his dad.

Should I approach my future father-in-law myself, Abby? If so, exactly what should be said? I don't want to say anything to Maribell because if she hasn't already noticed her husband's behavior, it would only hurt her. Please share any suggestions you have. -- DISTRESSED AND DISTURBED

DEAR D AND D: You say your mother is attractive and has high standards. I'm sure this isn't the first time since your father's death that a man has "put the moves" on her.

Rather than involving yourself in this delicate situation, let her speak up for herself in putting Guillermo in his place.

DEAR ABBY: I surprised myself. I seduced a man not long ago, with the sole intent of having a one-night affair. We agreed that we didn't want to get seriously involved at the time.

Well, the one-night affair turned into six encounters in three weeks, and it is very enjoyable on a physical level. The problem is, the sexual aspect is all there is. I would like to go out and have fun, like the night I met him. I have brought this up, yet the subject remains unanswered.

How do I firmly express that I want more without him thinking that I'm looking for a relationship? -- ASKING TOO MUCH IN CHICAGO

DEAR ASKING TOO MUCH: But you ARE asking for a relationship -- you want to make plans, go out and have fun. That's a lot more than the one-night stand you indicated to him that you wanted. The irony is, you are getting more -- and less -- than you asked for.

Tell him straight out in plain English what you want. But don't be surprised if he's unwilling to cooperate. You're changing the rules after the game has started.

DEAR ABBY: I am a new stepfather to two adorable girls, ages 4 and 7. I explained to them that I am their stepfather -- but they call me Dad or Daddy anyway.

Their father heard them call me Daddy, and he's extremely upset. He is accusing me of "undermining his importance."

Abby, what should the girls call me -- and how do I handle this overbearing father? -- INSTANT FAMILY IN CENTRAL CALIFORNIA

DEAR INSTANT FAMILY: The girls should call you anything they wish. However, ask them to come up with several new options, and you pick the one you like best.

When the girls and you have decided on a new name, your problem with their father should disappear.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)