DEAR ABBY: It has been hard to read and listen to all of the news about priests and sexual abuse charges.

I am not Catholic, but I went to church every Thursday and Sunday. My parents were poor; we didn't have a car. Our minister used to pick us up in his car. It was all right when my brother and sister went with me -- but when they didn't, well, that was when the minister took advantage of me.

To be molested in the name of God -- or to be told, "If you tell your parents, God will make sure they die!" -- really does traumatically affect a 7-year-old girl.

I am in my mid-40s now and still haven't completely recovered. My parents, who are now deceased, never knew what happened to me. Even as an adult, the "little girl" in me couldn't take the chance and tell them.

Abby, I have tried to make a difference in the world. My husband and I have been foster parents for almost 15 years. I help children who have experienced the abuse I did. I have learned that love, patience and a lot of therapy go a long way to help -- but nothing can erase what happened.

I feel there should be zero tolerance for Catholic priests, and zero tolerance for sexual abuse of ANY CHILD -- BY ANYONE. -- STILL HEALING IN MISSOURI

DEAR STILL HEALING: I agree. That a clergyman should threaten a child with the loss of her parents if she speaks out about his abuse is truly an act of evil. I'm pleased to know you eventually revealed that you had been assaulted and have received professional counseling. I commend you for devoting your life to helping others. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because your powerful words reach millions. This concerns your column about the child molestation scandal in the Catholic Church.

As an elderly person who has been a devout Catholic all my life, I feel I have lost my "holy mother the church." How should I feel about this crisis? Do you think as faithful people there is anything we can do to improve the situation? I pose these questions because my beliefs have been shattered, Abby. Please help. -- DISILLUSIONED LIFELONG MEMBER

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Now more than ever, the religiously devout need to cling fast to their faith -- but look clear-eyed at those who are delivering the message. And that goes for members of all other faiths, too.

DEAR ABBY: I feel like my stepmom has lied to us kids. Our dad died almost three years ago, when I was 14. I just found out that two months before my father's passing, he was told by doctors that he had only six months to a year to live. He and our stepmother never told us. Well, two months later, Dad died. All us kids were shocked.

Months before his death, he started losing his hair and losing weight. Should I ask what was wrong with my father before he died? Or is it none of my business? -- DAUGHTER WHO NEEDS TO KNOW IN INDIANA

DEAR DAUGHTER: Speak up and ask. You have every right to know what took your father's life, and you are old enough to be told.

Please accept my sympathy for your loss. It must have been a terrible shock. While it may be difficult to understand, your father and stepmother, although misguided, were trying to protect you by not telling you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a girl living in Peshawar, Pakistan. I am engaged to a boy who loves me very much. The problem is I was in love with another guy who seemed to love me, but we didn't admit it to each other. I have been waiting for him to say I love you for almost three years. However, during that time, he had an affair with two girls I knew.

Now I am engaged to someone who loves me very much, but I cannot forget the one I loved and feel that I still love.

Please tell me how to cope because I am in big trouble. -- BROKEN DOLL, PESHAWAR, PAKISTAN

DEAR BROKEN DOLL: It is time to face reality.

If the young man who "seemed" to love you did, indeed, love you, he would have told you. Instead, he had an affair with two girls you knew. That is hardly what I would call the behavior of a man who is interested in a long-term relationship with anyone.

We come from different cultures, you and I. But let me share something that transcends culture. We have to build our lives from the materials that are given to us, or the ones we earn for ourselves. You have a nice young man who loves you. Give him a chance to prove himself. Dwelling on something that never happened -- and never will -- is a waste of time.

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to an advice columnist before, but I want to warn "Heartbroken in New Hampshire" that her husband is commitment-phobic. (He's the man who told his wife of one year that he's still in love with his former girlfriend who is serving time in prison.)

"Heartbroken" must get out now, while she still has her sanity. There is no future with that man.

His agenda is to prevent BOTH of those women from loving him. First, he married "Heartbroken" to get back at his ex-girlfriend. Second, he distanced himself by telling "Heartbroken" that he still loves his ex.

He does not think like she thinks. What makes "Heartbroken" feel secure makes him feel suffocated. What feels like love to her, feels like entrapment to him. Her attempts to get along will appear like manipulation to him.

He will provoke with little wars, ambushes and land mines, and/or gradually withdraw until nothing remains. She will turn to him expecting a truce or resolution. He'll react like a fire-breathing dragon. No fair play. No negotiation. When it ends, it will end on his terms.

The reason I see this so clearly is that it happened to me, too. I am now doing what I should have done seven years ago. I'm involved in counseling, state job-search workshops, and working toward eventual financial independence. In other words, I have one foot out the door.

Learned helplessness can be unlearned. Please take what I have said to heart. -- HEALING IN OREGON

DEAR HEALING: I can see your time in counseling has not been wasted. From the disaster of your marriage you have gained important insight. One of the most frequently asked questions I receive is, "Why does he treat me this way?" Your letter explains it very well.

I wish you success in the future when you finally get both feet out the door. You have earned it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After a breakfast discussion about the obesity crisis in our nation, I saw the letter from "Worried in Rhode Island," the 14-year-old girl who is concerned about her friends who use alcohol and drugs. I've been thinking a lot lately about health and self-destructiveness. I see this as one of the major problems in our nation today.

All over the country, flags are hanging in front of thousands of homes signifying that we are united against the common enemy of terrorism. But I can't help remembering that profound line from the comic strip, "Pogo": "We have met the enemy, and it is us."

As we descend further and further down the slippery slope of addictions (which include not only alcohol, drugs and cigarettes, but shopping, gambling, overeating, sexual obsessions, and more), we are becoming a nation so harmful to itself that terrorists need only sit back and watch us self-destruct. How can we be truly strong and healthy as a nation when we are comprised of individuals who are not strong and healthy?

What can be done to institute a national campaign to strengthen ourselves as individuals with physical and emotional health? Of course, for younger people, we must use the public schools, but factual drug education and testimonials about harmful consequences have never been enough. We must discover WHY we hurt ourselves in these ways.

Seeking health and strength should be not only our personal goals, but would enable us to unify and defend against terrorists in a way that would do more good than simply waving the flag. -- AGREEING WITH 'POGO'

DEAR AGREEING: You're asking intelligent questions about very important issues. People usually engage in self-destructive behaviors because they are trying to avoid dealing with unpleasant emotions or situations -- so they comfort themselves with substances or behaviors that when used to excess can be damaging.

The first step in conquering any addiction is to admit you have one. The next step is to seek professional help. Confronting our weaknesses is a sign of strength, and admitting you have them is nothing to be ashamed of -- it's human.

DEAR ABBY: Help! My daughter is being married in three months and there's a major problem. She refuses to invite one of my sisters and her family, all because of a ridiculous feud between them.

My sister has attempted to apologize more than once. Each time my daughter has refused to accept an apology. She and her fiance are paying for their own wedding, so I don't have much to say about the situation. However, it will be very awkward at future family functions if this isn't patched up.

How do I tell my sister she's not invited to the wedding -- and what's more, explain to other family members who may refuse to attend because my sister's family is being banned?

Thanks for any guidance you can give me through this mess. -- FRUSTRATED MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Do not assume responsibility for your daughter's actions. Since she is (presumably) an adult, try once more to reason with her. Explain that excluding your sister from the wedding could cause a rift in the family that could have repercussions that she -- and future generations -- may regret. If your daughter is smart, she'll take that into consideration.

If your effort fails, don't worry about telling your sister. She'll know as soon as the other invitations arrive that she has been excluded. You have my sympathy.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)