DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who's been married for five years. I'll be 30 on my next birthday and I'm ready to start a family. During the past several months, the media -- and my own doctor -- have convinced me that if my husband and I want a family, we should start NOW.

My husband insists he's not ready and won't be for another five years. His reason is not financial; it is pure selfishness on his part. We both make good salaries, have very little debt and own a beautiful home. He says he's not ready to give up his time for a family. I have tried, with no success, to persuade him with all the arguments.

I am hurt to the core and very angry with him right now. I don't want to be 35 and "still waiting" for him to come around. Help! -- MOMMY-IN-WAITING IN DALLAS

DEAR MOMMY-IN-WAITING: Since your biological clock is ticking, you and your husband should waste no time in talking this out with a marriage counselor. He may have concerns about his ability to be a good parent or about his commitment to your marriage. Until you understand exactly what his problem is, it cannot be dealt with. Do not allow him to put this off. Your concerns are valid.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old girl who's writing because I don't know what's up with the way I feel. I am at the top of my class, play soccer and work in retail after school. One day I'd like to be a great architect. I am a good person, but I don't feel like I'm ready to grow up just yet.

My mom says I HAVE to grow up and that I should start to look for a boyfriend because I am getting older.

Abby, I do not want a boyfriend. I feel uncomfortable around boys. They gross me out, especially when they try to talk to me or make a move on me. I want to puke. Is there something wrong with me?

I think some boys like Freddie Prinz Jr. are cute, but I want nothing more than to have a tiny crush. What do you think? Is it normal to feel that way? How do I tell my mom how I feel? -- CONFUSED IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONFUSED: There is no rush to find a boyfriend. It is possible that you are socially immature or a late bloomer. However, I am concerned because your aversion to boys seems extreme.

If you attend school in the fall, visit the student health center and ask to talk to a counselor. If not, ask your doctor for a referral. He or she can help you get to the root of your feelings. After that, you will know what to tell your mother.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently been reunited with my birth siblings. After a lifetime of wondering if they existed, it was exciting to discover four brothers and sisters. However, it has become overwhelming, because they call me every day and want to get together every weekend.

My siblings mean the world to me, but I had another life before we were reunited. How do I gently back away without causing any damage? Please advise me, Abby. -- A SISTER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SISTER: Set limits and schedule visits weeks ahead of time to fit your schedule. Just because your siblings call does not mean that you always have to be available. Make sure your newfound relatives understand that you had prior commitments before the reunion occurred.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: When I was young, I was extremely shy. I finally got over it, and here's how: I came to the realization that shy people have one thing in common -- they're all overly sensitive about how others perceive them. "Am I dressed right? Does my hair look OK?" They obsess about themselves.

Then one day someone asked me about a necklace I was wearing -- and that one question distracted me so I didn't think about myself. After that, I made an effort to find something of interest to ask other shy people about, and it would usually open up a conversation.

Conquering my shyness didn't happen overnight, but I was eventually able to go into sales and even make "cold calls." I've come a long way from the shy girl I was as a child.

If my experience helps even one shy person to be less self-conscious, the time it took to write this letter will have been worth it. Thanks, Abby. -- PAT IN TUJUNGA, CALIF.

DEAR PAT: Thank you for sharing your technique for overcoming shyness. Many people share the problem in social situations. In extreme cases, "social phobias" can also be treated with counseling and medication.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's 19-year-old daughter is being married in May of 2003. She has asked us to pay half of the cost of the wedding.

The problem is that she has a 15-month-old baby whom we've never met; she lives with her boyfriend, whom we've also never met; she dislikes me, and for that reason refuses to visit us. (She lives in Nebraska and we live in New Mexico.)

This girl has informed my husband that there will be 150 people at the reception dinner after the wedding, and 400 more coming to the reception later -- out of whom only my husband, myself and my mother-in-law will be invited from our side of the family.

In other words, we're being invited to this wedding as guests, but are expected to foot half the bill. What do you make of this, Abby? -- MIFFED STEPMOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR MIFFED: I don't know enough about the history of your stepdaughter's breach with you and her father to make a judgment. However, the guest list seems decidedly one-sided to me, and you should pay only what you feel you can afford.

DEAR ABBY: "Very Sad Aunt" wrote about her brother's two children and their stepfather's abuse of them. Your advice was good, but did not go far enough.

I am a police officer in Maine, and I am familiar with how much time it takes for social services to investigate reported child abuse. Sometimes social service agencies will not even open a case until four separate referrals have been made.

The aunt needs to talk to her brother about seeking an "order of protection" from the local district court. He can then gain temporary custody while the allegations are thoroughly investigated. Imagine how this aunt and her brother would feel if they sent these children back to that household and one ends up seriously hurt -- or worse.

Abby, please urge them to get a protection order and remove those kids from that environment immediately. It could save their lives. Sign me ... COP FOR THE KIDS

DEAR COP: You have done that for me, and for that I thank you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading a newspaper article describing the arrest and plea bargain of a man who has been sexually abusing his daughter since before she could walk.

As I watch my young son toddling around the house, I don't want to face the future. Will I always have to worry about a sex deviant hurting him?

I am starting to be paranoid -- second-guessing everyone's motive for smiling at him. Between the church scandals and parents who harm their own, I am afraid to leave my son anywhere. The thought that someone out there would hurt precious children breaks my heart.

I don't understand how this happens. Please tell me where are the mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents? Do they close their eyes and ears, or is it so insidious that no one notices? -- HEARTSICK ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR HEARTSICK: It's impossible to generalize because each case is different. Your fears are normal, but should not be allowed to distort your view of the world.

Teach your son while he is very young that you will listen to him. He also needs to be taught proper boundaries -- that NO ONE has the right to touch him inappropriately. And further, that he can confide ANYTHING to you without fear of punishment.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. Last spring my boyfriend's brother got married. I attended the wedding and reception. I was also invited to the family home the next day for the bride and groom's gift-opening ceremony.

My boyfriend and I gave them pretty candlesticks for their apartment. My mother, who was not invited to the wedding or reception, thought it would be nice to give them a token gift, so she gave them a lovely wedding card with $20 enclosed.

As they opened their gifts and cards, they disclosed the amount of money on each check they received, and made comments about each one in front of everybody in the room. The bride is from a wealthy family. Some checks were for more than $500. When they got to my mom's card, instead of just saying a simple, "Thank you," they announced the $20 amount and said, "Well, I guess THAT'S appropriate!"

Abby, I was appalled and furious. My mother didn't have to give them a thing. I was so upset, I left the party. Is this kind of behavior acceptable? It's been bugging me after all this time. What do you think? -- STILL BUGGED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR STILL BUGGED: Their behavior was insensitive, immature, rude and ungrateful. When money is received and wedding gifts in the form of checks are displayed, it's supposed to be done with the amount concealed. To ridicule people for the size of their gift is inexcusable.

CONFIDENTIAL TO S.E. IN THE SOUTHWEST: You must get away. You and your children are being abused both physically and emotionally -- and your lives may be in danger. Please call Childhelp USA's National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. Repeat to the counselor who answers what you have written to me. After you have done it, please e-mail me again and let me know how you and the children are doing.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)