DEAR ABBY: When I was young, I was extremely shy. I finally got over it, and here's how: I came to the realization that shy people have one thing in common -- they're all overly sensitive about how others perceive them. "Am I dressed right? Does my hair look OK?" They obsess about themselves.

Then one day someone asked me about a necklace I was wearing -- and that one question distracted me so I didn't think about myself. After that, I made an effort to find something of interest to ask other shy people about, and it would usually open up a conversation.

Conquering my shyness didn't happen overnight, but I was eventually able to go into sales and even make "cold calls." I've come a long way from the shy girl I was as a child.

If my experience helps even one shy person to be less self-conscious, the time it took to write this letter will have been worth it. Thanks, Abby. -- PAT IN TUJUNGA, CALIF.

DEAR PAT: Thank you for sharing your technique for overcoming shyness. Many people share the problem in social situations. In extreme cases, "social phobias" can also be treated with counseling and medication.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's 19-year-old daughter is being married in May of 2003. She has asked us to pay half of the cost of the wedding.

The problem is that she has a 15-month-old baby whom we've never met; she lives with her boyfriend, whom we've also never met; she dislikes me, and for that reason refuses to visit us. (She lives in Nebraska and we live in New Mexico.)

This girl has informed my husband that there will be 150 people at the reception dinner after the wedding, and 400 more coming to the reception later -- out of whom only my husband, myself and my mother-in-law will be invited from our side of the family.

In other words, we're being invited to this wedding as guests, but are expected to foot half the bill. What do you make of this, Abby? -- MIFFED STEPMOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR MIFFED: I don't know enough about the history of your stepdaughter's breach with you and her father to make a judgment. However, the guest list seems decidedly one-sided to me, and you should pay only what you feel you can afford.

DEAR ABBY: "Very Sad Aunt" wrote about her brother's two children and their stepfather's abuse of them. Your advice was good, but did not go far enough.

I am a police officer in Maine, and I am familiar with how much time it takes for social services to investigate reported child abuse. Sometimes social service agencies will not even open a case until four separate referrals have been made.

The aunt needs to talk to her brother about seeking an "order of protection" from the local district court. He can then gain temporary custody while the allegations are thoroughly investigated. Imagine how this aunt and her brother would feel if they sent these children back to that household and one ends up seriously hurt -- or worse.

Abby, please urge them to get a protection order and remove those kids from that environment immediately. It could save their lives. Sign me ... COP FOR THE KIDS

DEAR COP: You have done that for me, and for that I thank you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading a newspaper article describing the arrest and plea bargain of a man who has been sexually abusing his daughter since before she could walk.

As I watch my young son toddling around the house, I don't want to face the future. Will I always have to worry about a sex deviant hurting him?

I am starting to be paranoid -- second-guessing everyone's motive for smiling at him. Between the church scandals and parents who harm their own, I am afraid to leave my son anywhere. The thought that someone out there would hurt precious children breaks my heart.

I don't understand how this happens. Please tell me where are the mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents? Do they close their eyes and ears, or is it so insidious that no one notices? -- HEARTSICK ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR HEARTSICK: It's impossible to generalize because each case is different. Your fears are normal, but should not be allowed to distort your view of the world.

Teach your son while he is very young that you will listen to him. He also needs to be taught proper boundaries -- that NO ONE has the right to touch him inappropriately. And further, that he can confide ANYTHING to you without fear of punishment.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. Last spring my boyfriend's brother got married. I attended the wedding and reception. I was also invited to the family home the next day for the bride and groom's gift-opening ceremony.

My boyfriend and I gave them pretty candlesticks for their apartment. My mother, who was not invited to the wedding or reception, thought it would be nice to give them a token gift, so she gave them a lovely wedding card with $20 enclosed.

As they opened their gifts and cards, they disclosed the amount of money on each check they received, and made comments about each one in front of everybody in the room. The bride is from a wealthy family. Some checks were for more than $500. When they got to my mom's card, instead of just saying a simple, "Thank you," they announced the $20 amount and said, "Well, I guess THAT'S appropriate!"

Abby, I was appalled and furious. My mother didn't have to give them a thing. I was so upset, I left the party. Is this kind of behavior acceptable? It's been bugging me after all this time. What do you think? -- STILL BUGGED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR STILL BUGGED: Their behavior was insensitive, immature, rude and ungrateful. When money is received and wedding gifts in the form of checks are displayed, it's supposed to be done with the amount concealed. To ridicule people for the size of their gift is inexcusable.

CONFIDENTIAL TO S.E. IN THE SOUTHWEST: You must get away. You and your children are being abused both physically and emotionally -- and your lives may be in danger. Please call Childhelp USA's National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. Repeat to the counselor who answers what you have written to me. After you have done it, please e-mail me again and let me know how you and the children are doing.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the letters about Edward G. Robinson.

In 1943, when I was in the service, I hitchhiked from the San Francisco/Oakland area to Los Angeles because I wanted to visit Los Angeles during my nine-day leave before going overseas.

A big black car pulled over to give me a lift -- and who should be driving but Edward G. Robinson! I was placed in the backseat between two Doberman pinschers. Believe me, if I made the slightest move those dogs' ears went up! It was one scary ride.

I was relieved to get out from between those two huge dogs when we stopped for gas in Bakersfield. Mr. Robinson then treated me to a delicious steak dinner at The Inn.

His kindness that night will never be forgotten -- as well as his ease in the conversation we shared. Hope you have room to print this, Abby. -- CHARLES (CHUCK) O'NEIL, SACRAMENTO

DEAR CHUCK: If my mail is any indication, Edward G. Robinson certainly got around! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It was the fall of 1968, and I was a young, newly hired cabin attendant for the now defunct TransWorld Airlines.

On one memorable flight, I had the pleasure of attending to Mr. Robinson in the first-class cabin. He was a warm and friendly man -- and completely unassuming.

A friend of mine who idolized him was going to pick me up when we landed in New York. I asked Mr. Robinson if he would mind signing an autograph for my friend, and he came back with, "Better yet -- let's really surprise him!"

Edward G. and I walked arm-in-arm off the plane and strode up to my friend, who was standing there absolutely speechless with his mouth open. Mr. Robinson greeted him by tipping his hat and saying, "How do you do? I am Edward G. Robinson."

For having played some "heavies" on screen, he truly was a gentle human being. -- JUDY OTRANDO-SEGAL, CALABASAS, CALIF.

DEAR JUDY: It appears he also had a sense of humor. You're not the only reader who had an airplane encounter with him. Arlene Linke, of Ridley Park, Pa., wrote to say that in 1949 her pregnant mother boarded a plane that had been oversold only to find no seats were available. Only one gentleman was willing to give up his seat for her. You guessed it -- it was Edward G. Robinson.

DEAR ABBY: Although Mr. Robinson played, as you said, "heavies" on screen, he also spent years on the stage -- beginning with the Garrick Theater in New York during the 1920s.

In 1951, he returned to the stage in a starring role in "Darkness at Noon." I was fortunate to see the play when it came to San Francisco. He was superb.

I also saw most of his movies. He was a great actor. Mr. Robinson's autobiography, "All My Yesterdays," is one of the best books by an actor I've ever read.

Here in San Francisco a few years ago, a tribute to Edward G. Robinson was held at Herbst International Exhibition Hall, featuring excerpts from some of his films. The hall was packed. The first time he appeared on the screen, everyone in the audience stood up and applauded. He was loved by many classic movie buffs. -- PATRICIA ANDERSON, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR PATRICIA: And he's fondly remembered by many fans -- old and new -- today.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)