DEAR ABBY: "Ross" and I have been married for 17 years. We have two beautiful children. Two years ago, he took a one-week vacation by himself outside the United States. When he returned, he told me he had been with other women and needed to be tested for STDs. I was devastated, but I forgave him for the sake of the children. I never bring it up, but it still hurts.

Last night, Ross informed me that he is going again. This time he is taking along a single male friend. I asked him to promise me he will remain faithful, but he refuses to discuss it. He says he intends to go and have a good time, and that we can talk about it the day before he leaves -- which is three months away. I told him it was emotional abuse. He just laughed.

Am I being unreasonable? -- BROKENHEARTED IN BIRMINGHAM

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Not at all. However, now that you have been put on notice, you have serious decisions to make about your future. Are you willing to again tolerate your husband's infidelity, and the health risks to which you may be exposed? If not, quietly consult an attorney. For the sake of your children, you must protect yourself -- emotionally, physically and financially. They deserve at least one responsible parent, and it appears your husband has gone off the deep end.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers to always double-check their medications at the time of purchase. Our family just had a close call that could have been tragic.

My husband's grandmother has high blood pressure and has been on the same medication for years. Yesterday, we took her to the pharmacy to pick up a refill. The store was very busy and the pharmacist couldn't locate the refill order her doctor had phoned in.

In the confusion, a pharmacy technician filled the order with the wrong medication. Thank goodness we discovered the error before any of the meds were taken.

If a medication suddenly looks different -- if tablets are a different size, shape or color -- a customer should not hesitate to question the pharmacist. It could be a lifesaver. -- LOCKPORT, ILL., R.N.

DEAR R.N.: I agree; prescription medicines should always be checked while the customer is at the counter. And it's wise to have all prescriptions filled at the same pharmacy, so possible drug interactions can be avoided.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Eleanor M.," whose husband was caught in a riptide, I wanted to offer an important safety tip for ocean swimmers.

Riptides are normally only 15 to 20 feet wide, so if you find yourself caught in one, you should immediately swim PARALLEL to the beach instead of trying to swim directly to shore. This should allow you to swim out of the riptide and make it safely to the shore.

Lifeguards here in Southern California try to point out riptides to swimmers so they can avoid the area -- but common sense is your best lifesaving tool. Know your abilities and limits in the water before you start swimming. -- THERESA R., ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR THERESA: Those are practical, intelligent suggestions. With beach season here, I hope they are taken to heart. Swimmers can exhaust themselves trying to escape a riptide. Your letter could be a lifesaver.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Mother of 10" was intriguing. She wrote that after being married 30 years, she told her son that whenever her husband walked into the room, she could still feel her heart lift. Her son said it was only infatuation. I would like to relate my experience.

In August 1970, I met the woman I later married. She walked into a room to join the group I was in, and when I saw her, my heart skipped a couple of beats. I never said, "This is the woman for me," but she had an effect on me. There she quietly sat with her ankles crossed and her hands in her lap -- a perfect lady.

It took me three months to build up the courage to ask her out. We became engaged at Christmas 1976 and were married 13 months later. It was the best thing I ever did.

When we go to bed at night and I feel her warm body next to mine, I get all excited. When we wake up in the morning and she snuggles up under my arm and rests her head on my chest, it is the greatest feeling in the world. Every once in a while, I can't let go, and we stay wrapped in each other's arms for as long as 45 minutes. She calls it "recharging our batteries."

Abby, if this is infatuation, I can't wait to see what real love is like. My heart won't be able to handle it. -- PETER KENNEDY, HACKENSACK, N.J.

DEAR PETER: It seems you found a soul mate when this lady walked into your life. One of the distinguishing characteristics of true love is that it grows, because it is unselfish and based on sharing. Infatuation is only the "sizzle." It snaps and sputters, but it doesn't last. You've got the real thing.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day, and now I need your advice. I am a 17-year-old senior girl in high school. Up until the middle of last year, I wanted to become a doctor. Then I was faced with a personal problem that I couldn't deal with on my own and couldn't take to my parents.

I finally went to one of my favorite teachers -- someone I felt I could confide in. She helped me work through my problem, assured me that everything would be fine, and told me if I ever needed anything, to come see her. She was genuinely concerned about me.

After that experience, I began to feel that I would be happier becoming a teacher rather than going into medicine. My mother has not taken the news well. She thinks I should focus on becoming a doctor because the pay is better.

I am torn between following my heart vs. making my mom happy. What should I do, Abby? Sign me ... CONFUSED WITH A CAPITAL "C"

DEAR CONFUSED: Both medicine and teaching are "helping professions." I urge you to make no hard-and-fast decisions now. Go to college, keep your options open -- and then follow your heart.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve. It's folks who leave long, slow voice mail messages -- then reel off their telephone numbers at top speed.

Callers should state their name and phone number FIRST, so the entire message doesn't have to be replayed over and over. Callers should also remember that although their phone number is second nature to them, it may be new to me. Speak those seven digits a little slower, PLEASE! -- RUTH IN VERONA, WIS.

DEAR RUTH: Your pet peeve also happens to be one of mine, and I would like to offer a further suggestion: Callers should be sure to give their area code first when slowly reciting their phone number.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For the past three months, I've been seeing a guy I met in night class. However, all of a sudden, it seems like our relationship is going backward instead of forward.

He's dealing with a very stressful situation at work, and I'm doing my best to be supportive by not pressuring him. I don't want to seem pushy, so I haven't said anything, but sometimes I feel neglected.

At first, we were e-mailing and talking on the phone daily. We even started calling each other "honey" and "darling." Physically, we're really into each other -- but when we're not in bed, we can't seem to hold a conversation.

Can this relationship be saved? Or is he trying to tell me something? -- LOST AND CONFUSED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR LOST AND CONFUSED: One of the major problems with jumping into bed with someone without getting to know him first is the problem you're having now. You don't know him well enough to know if he's telling you the truth or trying to back away.

The smartest thing you can do is to be sympathetic about his work problems. Let him talk to you about them. Try to learn more about his interests and concerns outside the bedroom, and talk to him about yours. In other words, give him time and a chance to see that there is more to you than the sexual side.

Whether this relationship has substance or was just a fling remains to be seen. But speaking realistically, few people can sustain indefinitely the level of heat you two were generating. When that cools, there has to be a community of interest for the romance to survive.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 53-year-old woman planning to live with my 54-year-old boyfriend. The term "boyfriend" is the problem. I feel silly introducing him as my boyfriend, but I don't like the terms "lover" or "significant other," "life partner" or "domestic partner." Nothing sounds right to me -- even "friend" feels inappropriate.

Any ideas, Abby? -- EAST COAST LIVE-IN LADY

DEAR LADY: Since you don't like any of the commonly used terms, simply introduce him by his name: "... and this is John Smith." The way you and John treat each other will convey your message more effectively than any label.

DEAR ABBY: "Learned Too Late in Fort Worth" was written by the husband dying of cancer who pondered the wasted years with a wife who was always too busy for him.

That letter reminded me how fortunate I am to spend each precious day with my wife of 60 years. In fact, our relationship once prompted me to write some song lyrics using a theme I hope all seniors with living spouses will embrace.

AUTUMN DAYS

When autumn days remind us that the summertime is gone

And the shadows show the sun is on the wane,

It seems so easy to forget that life continues on

As we revel in our strolls down mem'ry lane.

But then I stop to reason that living knows no season,

And realize our numbered days are few.

That's why I don't recall if summer skies were gray or blue

But live each lovely autumn day with you.

-- FRANCIS STROUP, DEKALB, ILL.

DEAR FRANCIS: You're not only a lyricist, you're also a poet and philosopher. May the melody linger on.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)