DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Al," and I have been married 18 years. We have a 12-year-old daughter. Last year we bought a wonderful old home that has an apartment in back over the detached two-car garage.

For the past year, we've rented the apartment to a 20-something couple who are the son and daughter-in-law of a good friend of ours. These renters have no children. The young wife likes to chitchat with my husband every time she sees him, and she's usually braless and in skimpy tank tops. (She has an ample bosom.)

Yesterday, when Al was sitting on the stairs that lead to the apartment, this gal bent over at face level and tied her sneaker while flashing him! Of course my husband got an eyeful -- how could he not?

I was hanging laundry nearby and witnessed the whole thing. I didn't say anything at the time, but I ache inside now. Abby, I'm not bad-looking, but I'm in my late 40s and feeling threatened by this young "babe."

How should I address this? Should I raise the rent? Go on strike? Above all, I don't want our daughter to witness the stress and jealousy that's eating at me. Can you help me resolve this? -- FAITHFUL WIFE IN NEW YORK STATE

DEAR FAITHFUL WIFE: The young woman is a poor role model for your daughter. Tell your husband you think the young woman is being intentionally provocative and that you're no longer comfortable with her living there. Inform the tenants it's time they started looking for other quarters. If your husband resists, then I urge you both to talk it out with a marriage counselor, because there's no reason why you should be uncomfortable in your own home.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Judy in Tucson," regarding control freaks who insist their weddings be picture-perfect, I have to tell you what happened to me when I was 18.

My best friend, "Carrie," was being married and asked me to be her maid of honor. However, she told me I was too fat and I would have to lose weight before the wedding because she didn't want me to ruin her wedding pictures. I went on a strict diet and lost weight, but that was not enough for Carrie. She replaced me with a thinner girl, but told me I was welcome to attend the ceremony. I was very hurt.

My parents loved Carrie and told me I was being overly sensitive. They were unable to attend her wedding, but gave me a card with cash to give to the bride and groom. My boyfriend thought the way I had been treated was terrible and suggested we ditch the wedding -- and we did. We took Mom's gift and had a wonderful evening out on the town.

My mother still mentions the fact she never received a thank-you note from Carrie. Maybe someday I will tell her the truth -- but I'm still not sorry for what we did. -- TELLING THE TRUTH IN DULUTH

P.S. I recently ran into Carrie at the mall. Poor thing, she's put on quite a few pounds. (I have lost 100 pounds -- and look great!)

DEAR TELLING THE TRUTH: I don't condone what you did, but your motive was understandable. Carrie's priorities were misplaced, but it's wrong for you to continue to allow your mother to think your former friend failed to acknowledge her generous gift.

You're older and wiser now -- not to mention thinner -- so 'fess up and face the music.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Al," and I have been married 18 years. We have a 12-year-old daughter. Last year we bought a wonderful old home that has an apartment in back over the detached two-car garage.

For the past year, we've rented the apartment to a 20-something couple who are the son and daughter-in-law of a good friend of ours. These renters have no children. The young wife likes to chitchat with my husband every time she sees him, and she's usually braless and in skimpy tank tops. (She has an ample bosom.)

Yesterday, when Al was sitting on the stairs that lead to the apartment, this gal bent over at face level and tied her sneaker while flashing him! Of course my husband got an eyeful -- how could he not?

I was hanging laundry nearby and witnessed the whole thing. I didn't say anything at the time, but I ache inside now. Abby, I'm not bad-looking, but I'm in my late 40s and feeling threatened by this young "babe."

How should I address this? Should I raise the rent? Go on strike? Above all, I don't want our daughter to witness the stress and jealousy that's eating at me. Can you help me resolve this? -- FAITHFUL WIFE IN NEW YORK STATE

DEAR FAITHFUL WIFE: The young woman is a poor role model for your daughter. Tell your husband you think the young woman is being intentionally provocative and that you're no longer comfortable with her living there. Inform the tenants it's time they started looking for other quarters. If your husband resists, then I urge you both to talk it out with a marriage counselor, because there's no reason why you should be uncomfortable in your own home.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Judy in Tucson," regarding control freaks who insist their weddings be picture-perfect, I have to tell you what happened to me when I was 18.

My best friend, "Carrie," was being married and asked me to be her maid of honor. However, she told me I was too fat and I would have to lose weight before the wedding because she didn't want me to ruin her wedding pictures. I went on a strict diet and lost weight, but that was not enough for Carrie. She replaced me with a thinner girl, but told me I was welcome to attend the ceremony. I was very hurt.

My parents loved Carrie and told me I was being overly sensitive. They were unable to attend her wedding, but gave me a card with cash to give to the bride and groom. My boyfriend thought the way I had been treated was terrible and suggested we ditch the wedding -- and we did. We took Mom's gift and had a wonderful evening out on the town.

My mother still mentions the fact she never received a thank-you note from Carrie. Maybe someday I will tell her the truth -- but I'm still not sorry for what we did. -- TELLING THE TRUTH IN DULUTH

P.S. I recently ran into Carrie at the mall. Poor thing, she's put on quite a few pounds. (I have lost 100 pounds -- and look great!)

DEAR TELLING THE TRUTH: I don't condone what you did, but your motive was understandable. Carrie's priorities were misplaced, but it's wrong for you to continue to allow your mother to think your former friend failed to acknowledge her generous gift.

You're older and wiser now -- not to mention thinner -- so 'fess up and face the music.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl with a confusing problem. There's this neighborhood boy named "Brian" who is my age. He really gets on my nerves. Practically every day after school, Brian asks if he can play with me or my sister. We always say no, because he's a loudmouth at school and causes problems.

One day my sister and I were walking home from school, and Brian asked for a piece of paper. He had the nerve to write me a love note! It was obvious from the note that he has a crush on me. He said he couldn't tell me to my face because I'm always rude to him.

What I don't understand is how he can have a crush on me when he acts like such a jerk at school.

Please help me, Abby. I can't take it any longer. Could you give me a solution for Brian's annoying behavior? -- OVERHEATED GIRL IN SPRINGFIELD, ORE.

DEAR OVERHEATED GIRL: Brian's acting like a jerk because he's trying to get you to notice him. He's young and doesn't know any other way to accomplish it.

If I were you, I'd try to be a little more tolerant and accept the fact that he likes you as a compliment. Look at it this way: When someone admires somebody else, it's not intended as an insult. And besides, he might become more attractive as he ages -- so don't burn your bridges.

DEAR ABBY: My mother was born and raised in a European country. At 20, she met a young American soldier who was on his way to Vietnam. They had a brief affair, and I was the result.

When I was 6, my mother married my stepfather and we came to the United States. My stepfather tried, but he could not fill the void in my life. My mother refused to answer any questions about my real father or his family. She always told me he was killed in the war.

Last year, I hired a private investigator and found my father alive and well. He was shocked, but happy to hear from me. He did not even know my mother had borne his child. DNA tests confirm I am his daughter. I plan to meet his family and introduce him to mine.

My mother and I are now barely civil toward each other. I cannot understand why she deprived my father and me of knowing each other. She offers no explanation. All the years we missed breaks my heart. How can I forgive her? -- ANONYMOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Start by understanding that your mother was and is very angry at your father. She may also have been ashamed about the circumstances of your conception. Although it was wrong of her to lie, until you understand her reasons for doing so, do not judge her.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with swimming. I don't know how. All I know is enough to save my life if I have to.

My mom wants me to take swimming next year in high school, but the thought of it embarrasses me. What should I do, Abby? I don't want my high school career to be over before it begins. -- NOT A SWIMMER IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR NOT A SWIMMER: If you are embarrassed because you think you should know how to swim by now, I have a solution. Sign up for lessons at the local YMCA or take private lessons before school starts in the fall. That way, you'll be prepared to join the class, and you won't be embarrassed.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)