DEAR ABBY: I am a married man in my 30s, with two adorable little babies at home. My sex life with my wife is very good. I have no complaints at all. My problem is my feelings.

I love my wife and do not cheat; however, I desire other women. I have an instinctual desire to procreate. I can't afford more babies. In fact, my wife and I do not want more children.

Other women -- even women I find unattractive -- arouse me. As a result, I avoid looking at female co-workers and have become very disconnected at work. Even though I don't act upon my instinctual urges, I still wrestle with them.

Abby, how does a man get past this? Every woman I see makes me feel like I am in heat. -- FIGHTING TESTOSTERONE IN TWIN FALLS

DEAR FIGHTING: Schedule an appointment with your physician to find out of there's a physical reason your hormones are in overdrive. If your problem isn't physical, ask for a referral to a psychotherapist who can help you to understand this obsession before it negatively impacts your career or your marriage. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a college freshman. I am very happy. However, there is a large void in my life that I would like to fill. Abby, I want a baby. Not just any baby -- I want a particular man's baby for genetic reasons. I have asked him to help me, but he says he has to think about it.

I do not want anything from this man other than his seed. I tell him that after I get pregnant, he can walk away and never look at me again. I am not trying to tie him down or ask for child support.

How can I convince this attractive man that I really do not want anything from him but the privilege of bearing his child? -- LOOKING FOR FULFILLMENT

DEAR LOOKING: This isn't the answer you're looking for, but you are jumping the gun. As a college freshman, have you given serious thought to the emotional, physical and financial obligations you'll undertake along with motherhood?

It's imperative that you finish your education before taking on the added challenge of being a single parent. Once you are established in a career, you'll be better able to afford the help you'll need. It's a myth that one woman can "do it all" without compromise.

DEAR ABBY: The "birds and bees" stories in your column have given me great amusement. I have one from a different angle.

I was writing a story set in the Old West, and as research for it (with some reservations) I asked both my widowed grandmothers, who were born in the 1890s, about their sex education. They were both happy to share.

One said that her mother had told her nothing. She had learned everything from female cousins and books.

The other grandmother said that her parents had been quite modern for their time. They had told her everything. Here she paused and thought for a moment. Then with a twinkle in her eye, she said, "But they neglected to say what a rewarding experience it could be!" -- MARY ALEXANDER, SACRAMENTO

DEAR MARY: Your grandmother's parents believed in the element of surprise.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: I have been inundated with innovative uses for pantyhose since the first letter on the subject appeared in my column last year. Talk about a versatile product! Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: I am a plumber. For years I have suggested my customers put an old pair of pantyhose on the end of their washing machine drain hose, if it drains into a sink. This method traps any lint, thereby preventing clogged drains. -- BOB'S PLUMBING SERVICE, SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: When I was about 4, my grandma gave each of my siblings and me the lumpiest quilts we'd ever seen. They were also the warmest.

One of the quilts tore between the patches, and -- curious children that we were -- we began pulling out the stuffing. The quilt had been stuffed with dozens of old pantyhose. What fun we had pulling them out. Our laughter finally gave us away, and Mother duly reprimanded us, but the memory remains as warm as the quilt. -- "QUILTED" IN PLEASANT HILL, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When a female friend complained about her wrinkles in a photo I had taken of her, the solution was simple: The next time I took her picture, I stretched a piece of nylon hose over the lens of the camera. This method softens the subject's appearance. An expensive lens filter can be purchased for the same purpose, but I like the pantyhose better. -- VEGAS PHOTOGRAPHER

DEAR ABBY: I always had a problem keeping my nightcap from slipping off my bald head, so I put my wife's cast-off pantyhose to good use:

I tie the legs together, make relaxing scissor cuts around the waist, and wear them on my head with the waist hugging my bald head. Then I loop the legs under my chin and behind my neck.

One of our nieces who lost all her hair during chemotherapy laughed long and loud when I shared my tip with her on how to keep her head warm at night. However, after trying my invention, she was hooked. -- ALAN L. IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: For years I took church youth groups and Girl Scout troops on camping trips. We would put a bar of soap in the toe of an old pair of pantyhose and tie it to a tree limb near a wash basin and bucket of water.

Presto! The soap never melted or fell to the ground and got dirty. The girls would wet their hands, rub them over the soap in the stocking, then rinse the bar. The soap stayed clean and never got lost. It's a great idea for campers. -- JO IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: After giving my AARP-aged body a good workout at my local gym, I was changing into street clothes when one of the new members noticed that I was pulling on a pair of pantyhose.

Confused to see a gentleman donning a lady's garment, he asked, "When did you start wearing THOSE?" I replied, "Right after my wife found them in the glove compartment of my truck." -- JOHN IN ST. PAUL

DEAR JOHN: AARP-aged body, my fanny! That joke is older than both of us.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: At 48 years of age, I finally need your help in figuring this one out. A year ago, after more than 22 years of marriage, my 58-year-old wife, "Cindy," began sleeping with her 90-year-old mother. Cindy says she does this so she will hear her mother in case she needs help going to the bathroom.

Our bedroom doors are side-by-side, and I can hear her mother clearly from our bedroom. When her mother gets up to go to the bathroom, I hear Cindy tell her to "go ahead" and let her know if she needs help. In other words, her mother can do this -- and many more things -- on her own.

On the positive side, Cindy may make it into the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest person still sleeping with her mother. What do you make of this? -- NEGLECTED IN GEORGIA

DEAR NEGLECTED: You have written an unusual letter. The answer to your question lies in whatever happened between you and your wife a year ago that caused her to move out of your bedroom and literally go "home" to her mother. I recommend some truth sessions with a marriage counselor to referee.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man for the past four years and have no doubt of his love for me -- or the belief that eventually we will be married.

My problem is I'm at the age where most of my friends and acquaintances are getting engaged, married and having babies, so naturally the marriage question comes up all the time.

I don't mind answering questions like, "When are you two going to tie the knot?" However, I need some ideas for a tactful -- yet forceful -- way to answer those rude and condescending people who ask, "Well, is he EVER going to marry you?"

That question makes me bristle and causes me to feel defensive when there is nothing to be defensive about. I need a ladylike reply that will let the offending parties understand in no uncertain terms that I am taken aback by the phrasing of their question. Thanks, Abby. -- BRIDE-TO-BE (EVENTUALLY) IN OXFORD, MISS.

DEAR B-T-B (EVENTUALLY): Reply with a smile, "When we make the announcement, you'll be among the first to know."

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Concerned Grandfather in Seattle," and I have to warn him that if he chooses to lie to his grandson by telling him that his father is dead, he will only make things worse.

Whether shame or self-involvement was the cause, my family kept the truth from me for 25 years, and it was purely by accident that I finally found out who my real father is. Had I not, I'm sure my family would still be lying to me.

The trust that had been built over my entire lifetime was shattered in an instant. I no longer knew who I was or where I was going.

Eventually I found a degree of freedom in knowing the truth, but it took a long time and many dark days to get to that point.

The feelings of betrayal by my own family still linger eight years later. -- PORTLAND, ORE., SON

DEAR SON: I believe it. And that's why I say that honesty is the best policy, even if it means opening a can of worms that's difficult or painful to discuss.

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