DEAR READERS: I have been inundated with innovative uses for pantyhose since the first letter on the subject appeared in my column last year. Talk about a versatile product! Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: I am a plumber. For years I have suggested my customers put an old pair of pantyhose on the end of their washing machine drain hose, if it drains into a sink. This method traps any lint, thereby preventing clogged drains. -- BOB'S PLUMBING SERVICE, SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: When I was about 4, my grandma gave each of my siblings and me the lumpiest quilts we'd ever seen. They were also the warmest.

One of the quilts tore between the patches, and -- curious children that we were -- we began pulling out the stuffing. The quilt had been stuffed with dozens of old pantyhose. What fun we had pulling them out. Our laughter finally gave us away, and Mother duly reprimanded us, but the memory remains as warm as the quilt. -- "QUILTED" IN PLEASANT HILL, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When a female friend complained about her wrinkles in a photo I had taken of her, the solution was simple: The next time I took her picture, I stretched a piece of nylon hose over the lens of the camera. This method softens the subject's appearance. An expensive lens filter can be purchased for the same purpose, but I like the pantyhose better. -- VEGAS PHOTOGRAPHER

DEAR ABBY: I always had a problem keeping my nightcap from slipping off my bald head, so I put my wife's cast-off pantyhose to good use:

I tie the legs together, make relaxing scissor cuts around the waist, and wear them on my head with the waist hugging my bald head. Then I loop the legs under my chin and behind my neck.

One of our nieces who lost all her hair during chemotherapy laughed long and loud when I shared my tip with her on how to keep her head warm at night. However, after trying my invention, she was hooked. -- ALAN L. IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: For years I took church youth groups and Girl Scout troops on camping trips. We would put a bar of soap in the toe of an old pair of pantyhose and tie it to a tree limb near a wash basin and bucket of water.

Presto! The soap never melted or fell to the ground and got dirty. The girls would wet their hands, rub them over the soap in the stocking, then rinse the bar. The soap stayed clean and never got lost. It's a great idea for campers. -- JO IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: After giving my AARP-aged body a good workout at my local gym, I was changing into street clothes when one of the new members noticed that I was pulling on a pair of pantyhose.

Confused to see a gentleman donning a lady's garment, he asked, "When did you start wearing THOSE?" I replied, "Right after my wife found them in the glove compartment of my truck." -- JOHN IN ST. PAUL

DEAR JOHN: AARP-aged body, my fanny! That joke is older than both of us.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: At 48 years of age, I finally need your help in figuring this one out. A year ago, after more than 22 years of marriage, my 58-year-old wife, "Cindy," began sleeping with her 90-year-old mother. Cindy says she does this so she will hear her mother in case she needs help going to the bathroom.

Our bedroom doors are side-by-side, and I can hear her mother clearly from our bedroom. When her mother gets up to go to the bathroom, I hear Cindy tell her to "go ahead" and let her know if she needs help. In other words, her mother can do this -- and many more things -- on her own.

On the positive side, Cindy may make it into the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest person still sleeping with her mother. What do you make of this? -- NEGLECTED IN GEORGIA

DEAR NEGLECTED: You have written an unusual letter. The answer to your question lies in whatever happened between you and your wife a year ago that caused her to move out of your bedroom and literally go "home" to her mother. I recommend some truth sessions with a marriage counselor to referee.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man for the past four years and have no doubt of his love for me -- or the belief that eventually we will be married.

My problem is I'm at the age where most of my friends and acquaintances are getting engaged, married and having babies, so naturally the marriage question comes up all the time.

I don't mind answering questions like, "When are you two going to tie the knot?" However, I need some ideas for a tactful -- yet forceful -- way to answer those rude and condescending people who ask, "Well, is he EVER going to marry you?"

That question makes me bristle and causes me to feel defensive when there is nothing to be defensive about. I need a ladylike reply that will let the offending parties understand in no uncertain terms that I am taken aback by the phrasing of their question. Thanks, Abby. -- BRIDE-TO-BE (EVENTUALLY) IN OXFORD, MISS.

DEAR B-T-B (EVENTUALLY): Reply with a smile, "When we make the announcement, you'll be among the first to know."

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Concerned Grandfather in Seattle," and I have to warn him that if he chooses to lie to his grandson by telling him that his father is dead, he will only make things worse.

Whether shame or self-involvement was the cause, my family kept the truth from me for 25 years, and it was purely by accident that I finally found out who my real father is. Had I not, I'm sure my family would still be lying to me.

The trust that had been built over my entire lifetime was shattered in an instant. I no longer knew who I was or where I was going.

Eventually I found a degree of freedom in knowing the truth, but it took a long time and many dark days to get to that point.

The feelings of betrayal by my own family still linger eight years later. -- PORTLAND, ORE., SON

DEAR SON: I believe it. And that's why I say that honesty is the best policy, even if it means opening a can of worms that's difficult or painful to discuss.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to "Jeff in South Carolina," whose mother-in-law makes negative comments about her daughter's ex-husband. Jeff is concerned that his mother-in-law's attitude will confuse his wife's little girl. I think Jeff is right -- and I speak from experience.

My parents divorced when I was 7. I was crushed. What made it worse was my mother constantly bad-mouthing my father. He wasn't perfect by any means, but he is a good man and he loves me. Whenever I was with my mother, she made me feel guilty for loving him. It was as if I were doing something wrong and should feel ashamed. (My father never spoke ill of my mother, and now that I am an adult, I respect him for it.)

Abby, a person who berates a child's mother or father causes the child emotional pain. Perhaps if Jeff's mother-in-law sees this letter, she'll rethink her behavior and put the emotional well-being of her granddaughter ahead of her personal feelings. -- T.M. IN N.J.

DEAR T.M.: I certainly hope so. And because this is a common problem, I hope it will cause other parents and in-laws to also rethink their behavior. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My brother and I were 15 and 17 when my parents divorced. Our parents felt we were adults, so we did not receive support or attention from either one. I would hear bad things about my father from my mother's family. They did not want me to love him.

The ex-son-in-law may not have been a gem of a husband, but he rates an "A" as a responsible, caring parent. At one time, I was a probation officer dealing with child support cases, and I can tell you from professional experience, he is rare.

Out of more than 10,000 cases per year in my district, only a small percentage of noncustodial parents take their responsibility seriously. Many couples use their children as weapons to get back at each other.

That mother-in-law needs her head examined. Jeff is a good stepfather. The child deserves the love, care and support of both of her parents whether they live in the same house or not.

It would be a shame for any child to grow up hating his or her father -- and not understanding why. Perhaps Jeff's mother-in-law should be banned from seeing her granddaughter until she understands the situation does not revolve around her. -- LOVING THEM BOTH ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR LOVING: That's strong medicine, but it might be effective.

DEAR ABBY: In many parts of the country, "divorce impact classes" are offered in community colleges for divorcing couples. Please suggest that mother-in-law attend some of them so she can understand how her anger and resentment negatively impact her granddaughter. -- A PARENT IN FLORIDA

DEAR PARENT: Good suggestion. I did not know such classes were available.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married for the second time. Are my parents still obligated to pay for the wedding? -- SECOND-TIME ROSE

DEAR ROSE: Nowhere is it written that the bride's parents MUST pay for even the first wedding. A wedding is a gift. This time you're on your own.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)