DEAR ABBY: I am a middle-aged female office worker who has a big problem with one of my two bosses, "Mr. X." I have no respect for him. He frequently views pornography on my computer and isn't very adept at covering his tracks. Sometimes I suspect he actually WANTS me to know what he's up to.

Twice this man has left disks behind containing X-rated material, and I've seen vast numbers of X-rated Web site titles that he apparently visits almost daily -- either before I arrive or after I leave the office.

Upon returning to my cubicle after lunch last week, I actually caught Mr. X viewing porn at my desk. In his haste to get rid of it, he accidentally minimized the photo he'd been viewing, rather than closing it out -- which left me stuck with having to delete it. (I have always deleted these items when I discovered them.)

I think Mr. X's behavior is extremely creepy. I almost feel like I'm being sexually harassed. What should I do, Abby? Should I confront him, talk to my other boss (who is clueless to the problem), consult an attorney or continue keeping my head in the sand? I'd look for another position, but with the exception of the porn problem, I love my job and don't want to lose it. Sign me ... SADDENED BY SLEAZE

DEAR SADDENED: It's time to draw the line and protect yourself. Start by telling the other boss what is going on. Make it clear that you are not the person visiting those sites, and that finding evidence that they are being viewed on your computer makes you uncomfortable. That may put an end to the problem. If it doesn't, document each incident in writing and log off the computer when you are not at your desk. If the problem persists, that may be the time to consult an attorney and look for another job.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Nick," has been acting strange. I think he may be having an affair.

Until recently, he showed little interest in our family dog, "Trixie." However, lately he has offered to walk Trixie every night. Some nights they are gone for two hours.

Last night, when I went outside to put something in the mailbox, I found Trixie tied to a tree across the street. Nick was nowhere in sight.

What do you think I should do? -- WORRIED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WORRIED: Untie Trixie and let her lead you to your wandering spouse. I suspect that when you find out what he's been up to, the one in the doghouse will be Nick.

DEAR ABBY: Is there such a thing as "real love"? You know, the kind where you never feel complete unless your partner is there? I read books about this kind of love. I see movies about it and hear songs, but I have never experienced it.

I am not a teen-ager, Abby. I am 47 years old and wonder if I have missed out. -- WONDERING IN IOWA

DEAR WONDERING: You haven't missed out. What you have described sounds more like co-dependence than "real love."

Kahil Gibran said it best in his book, "The Prophet": "... stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dennis," has been having an affair for many years. He filed for divorce and moved out of the house for several months. I made the divorce negotiations so difficult, he gave up and moved back home.

I know Dennis continues to see his girlfriend every day. I put up with it because I still love him after 40 years of marriage.

Do you think I am a fool to continue in this relationship when I know he no longer loves me? -- UNHAPPY IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR UNHAPPY: Only you can answer that. If you're staying in the marriage for financial security -- and financial security is the most important thing to you -- I'd say you are being pragmatic. On the other hand, if you're hoping he'll give up his longtime girlfriend one day and love you again, it could be a long wait.

When a person is single, there is always the possibility of meeting a loving, faithful and eligible person. Being trapped in a loveless marriage must be like living in solitary confinement. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I plan to marry in a year or so. Because my mother is very controlling, we intend to move far away from her. She tries to control my every move. If I don't get her permission to take a shower, she goes crazy and yells at me for hours. I've always been respectful and followed every rule in her house. There's no reason for her to act this way.

Mother is angry at my 28-year-old sister because she moved 30 minutes away before she got married. Mom still drops in on her unexpectedly and calls every day to yell at her.

Abby, I don't want the same thing to happen to me. What should I do when she asks for my phone number? I don't want to give it to her. -- ADULT DAUGHTER IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR ADULT DAUGHTER: Your mother clearly has emotional problems and should be evaluated by a doctor. Although it may seem tempting to run away and leave your unhappy past behind, an alternative might be to add a call-screening feature to your phone. Your conscience will be clearer if you do.

DEAR ABBY: Our 14-year-old daughter is fortunate to have her dad and me as parents because we have a good, solid marriage.

Here's the dilemma: Our daughter has a close friend, "Jen," whose mother is single. She's a nice lady, but has had at least two live-in boyfriends within the last year that we know of.

Our daughter has been invited countless times to sleep over at Jen's house, but I feel it isn't the kind of atmosphere I want our teen-ager exposed to. As long as Jen's mom is living with a guy, I have a real problem with this.

I can't come up with a delicate way to explain my feelings without offending Jen's mom. My daughter is upset over this whole situation, but I've made it clear that her well-being is my No. 1 priority.

Am I being overly sensitive? Any input would be appreciated. -- FRUSTRATED MOM

DEAR MOM: I don't think so. If you prefer that your daughter not spend the night in a home with an unmarried couple, solve your problem by saying exactly that to all concerned. You're entitled to your moral convictions and you owe no one an apology for standing firm in defense of them.

CONFIDENTIAL TO ROSE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy 103rd birthday to my beloved grandmother. You are an incomparable role model to all of us. -- LOVE, JEANNE

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm not sure how to handle a problem I have when I call my sister. I love her dearly. Not only do I want to talk with her, but I NEED to talk with her. We live in different states and rarely get to see each other.

Almost every time I call her, I get very frustrated because I feel like I'm talking to a mother who has a 2-year-old child begging for attention. However, it isn't her child -- it's her husband. He gropes at her and talks in her ear while we try to make conversation. It's very distracting for her and irritating to me.

Since I work during the day, I have to call in the evening. On weekends I never know when he'll be home. How can I handle this? I haven't called her in weeks and I feel guilty about it. -- PERPLEXED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR PERPLEXED: Unless your timing is terrible and you have a knack for catching your sister and her husband in an amorous embrace, or he finds the ringing of a telephone sexually stimulating, I'd say you have him pegged correctly.

Other than telling your sister how his actions make you feel, there is nothing you can do. This is a boundary problem she will have to handle.

In the future, ask her to call YOU when she has some privacy.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 years old and having trouble finding a way to tell my parents that I'm a lesbian. Every day I wish I could find the courage to say, "Mom, Dad, I'm gay!" but it's a lot more complicated than that. They are very religious, and I have seen firsthand how they react to homosexuality. That's why it's going to be so hard to break the news. I don't want to tell them, but I know that I HAVE to in order to get on with my life. What should I do? -- TRAPPED IN GEORGIA

DEAR TRAPPED: There is no one-size-fits-all answer to that question. Some parents feel that homosexuality is a choice, and that by coming out, their child is being defiant. Parents like that have been known to throw the child out or make life so difficult at home that the child becomes a runaway.

Your know your parents better than I do. If that description applies to them, postpone your announcement until you are out of high school and self-supporting.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Erin," recently married her boyfriend, "Doug," after a four-year, on-again/off-again romance. Doug's a nice guy, but verbally abusive when he drinks. The next day, Doug conveniently "forgets" what he said or how he behaved.

Erin is frightened by Doug's threats when he's drunk. She's afraid one day he will carry them out. Abby, my husband and I don't want to be interfering in-laws, but we're concerned for our daughter's safety. Would it be out of line for us to talk to him and suggest he get help? -- FEARFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEARFUL: I don't recommend it. It would only make him defensive. Unless your daughter draws the line, there is nothing to prevent his behavior from escalating -- and mark my words, when it does, he will also conveniently "forget" what happened.

Please urge your daughter to go to Al-Anon (it's listed in the phone book) and gain the information and support she needs to handle this. No one can do it for her.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)