DEAR ABBY: Our family had a very unpleasant experience last Fourth of July. In the early afternoon, my 20-year-old daughter was gardening in the front yard of her home near the university she attends when she was struck by a bullet.

Not realizing the nature of her injury, my daughter thought she had broken a bone or pulled something in her leg. In the hospital emergency room, the admitting nurse recognized the wound for what it was and called the police. The bullet had entered the back of her leg above the knee, traveled down, and lodged between the bones above her ankle. The doctors decided to leave the bullet where it is.

According to the police, the gun could have been discharged blocks away, and it was probably fired by someone celebrating the holiday. Don't people realize that bullets come down with almost as much force as they go up? Here in Portland, it is against the law to discharge a firearm within city limits.

My precious daughter could have been hit in the head or chest with far more serious consequences.

Abby, please remind your readers about the dangers of discharging firearms into the air. Those bullets have to fall somewhere. -- RICHARD DANIELS, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR RICHARD: Your daughter was lucky not to have been killed. Although I have warned readers in the past about firing weapons into the air, I have not had such a graphic example of what can result!

Readers, please celebrate safely this Fourth of July. And if you see someone behaving irresponsibly with a weapon, please report it to the police immediately. You could save a life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Rick," and I separated two months ago because someone called my mother and told her Rick was cheating. I didn't question him about it; I simply packed his stuff and threw him out. Rick swears he has never cheated on me.

Since then, I have had many heated discussions with my mother because she won't quit digging for dirt on him. She has told everyone she knows about my marital problems.

Rick and I are seeing a counselor, and I need to know how to get my mother and the rest of my family to quit talking behind my back. I want what is best for me, but nobody will give me a chance to figure out what that is.

I still love Rick and I honestly don't know where my marriage stands. He and I argue frequently over my family's involvement. Please help. -- DESPERATE FOR PEACE IN INDIANA

DEAR DESPERATE: I'll try, but you're already getting too much outside advice as it is. Marriage means forsaking all others, and that goes not only for your husband, but for you as well.

If you and Rick want to save your marriage, it's time to circle the wagons and fight to stay together. And that means listening only to the professional counselor.

DEAR ABBY: Please help my lady friend and me settle an argument. I gave her a ring. She refuses to wear it on her "ring" finger, i.e., next to the little finger, left hand. She says that finger is for a wedding ring or an engagement ring only. I say any ring can be worn on that finger, including, but not exclusively limited to, a wedding ring. Please help. -- FINGERED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FINGERED: A woman wears a ring on the third finger of her left hand to let people know she is spoken for. If you and this lady do not have that kind of an understanding, then expecting her to wear a ring on that finger is premature.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Seeking Peace and Quiet in New Jersey" isn't going to cut it. She complained that her husband, Jerome, spends too much time in front of the TV and not enough time with her. You said she should declare a "TV-free zone" at least once a week.

I recognize Jerome's symptoms. I am a "recovering TV-holic." Fortunately, my TV was destroyed in an apartment fire a few years ago. I decided to go "cold turkey" and not replace it. Abby, the results were miraculous. My previously mushy brain cells have regenerated because I now get my news and entertainment from the Internet -- or from those old standbys: newspapers and radio.

I strongly recommend that Jerome and his wife consult a counselor for his addiction. -- BROTHER MIKE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR BROTHER MIKE: It's certainly worth considering. Perhaps it will clear the static in the lines of communication between the spouses. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Jerome's wife should enjoy watching TV with him. My husband also watched TV for hours. I used to threaten to name the TV in our divorce. Eventually, however, I learned to speak in three-minute segments -- and lovingly covered my husband when he fell asleep watching his favorite shows.

I competed with the TV set for 30 years, but if I could have my husband back, I'd never complain again. It's much too quiet since he died. -- MISSING MY REMOTE IN FLORIDA

DEAR MISSING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. Sometimes it's only after a loved one is gone that people can put their faults into perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My husband watched TV every night for hours until we had a "mysterious" blackout. The truth is, unbeknownst to my husband, I periodically flip the main circuit breaker to the house, leaving us in the dark for the entire night. Once he calms down, it's fun having a romantic dinner by candlelight and relaxing by the glow of the fireplace. The kids enjoy it, too -- and my husband hasn't caught on yet. -- WHATEVER IT TAKES IN INDIANA

DEAR WHATEVER: Let's hope he doesn't -- but be warned. In November 1965, a famous New York City blackout occurred. There was no power, and workers and residents found themselves in darkness with a lot of time on their hands. Nine months later -- August 1966 -- there was a record number of babies born. A word to the wise ...

DEAR ABBY: My beloved sister passed away a year ago. We always got along beautifully. Now that she's gone, her husband has expressed an interest in me and would like us to be a couple.

I have always regarded him as a brother, and he has treated me accordingly. However, I must admit that he has a special place in my heart.

Would it be wrong of me to encourage him, Abby? We'd both appreciate your opinion. Please do not use my name. -- HER SISTER ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR SISTER: I see nothing wrong with you having a future with your former brother-in-law. You have years of shared history in common, and that can be the basis of a very successful union.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MORTON B. AND PAULINE IN BEVERLY HILLS: Warmest wishes on your 63rd anniversary -- to the dearest parents in the world. -- LOVE, JEANNE

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: For the past two years, my 21-year-old brother, "Bill," has been dating a wonderful young lady I'll call Katie. Bill has been living with Katie and her family for the past year, until she finishes high school. She's only 18, but very mature for her age.

Katie is now pregnant. She claims it was an accident -- but those of us close to her know it wasn't. Bill has proposed and is planning to marry her next month. After that, he has to travel out of the country for eight months because he's in the military reserves.

My best friend, "Tammy," works with Bill. She recently confided to me that after Bill found out about Katie's pregnancy, he told three of his female co-workers -- including Tammy -- that he wasn't sure if he was making the right decision by marrying Katie. He told all of these gals that he needed to "be with other women" before he gets married.

To my astonishment, each of them ended up performing sexual favors for Bill, and he has made it clear to all of them that he wants to do it again. I am torn. I love my brother, but I'm upset that he cheated on Katie. I'm also sick about the fact that my best friend took part in this.

I don't want to create a family feud, but I can't keep silent about this mess. Should I talk to my brother about it? Should I tell Katie about Bill's unfaithfulness? Or should I keep my mouth shut and let the wedding go on as planned? -- TORN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TORN: This does not sound to me like a couple who are ready for marriage. Talk to your father or an older male family member whom Bill respects about what you have discovered, and then tell Katie. Katie must disclose to her obstetrician the fact that she needs to be tested for STDs, because if she has one, it could affect the health of her and her baby.

Bill is overdue for a "father/son talk" about the facts of life. These include the dangers of unprotected sex and the responsibilities of a family man. As it stands, your brother understands neither.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law died in January. It is now mid-May, and my husband has not yet sent thank-you cards to the family and many friends who offered their condolences and support. I say it is not too late -- he says it is. What say you, Abby? -- STILL GRIEVING IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR STILL GRIEVING: Your husband has my sympathy. Perhaps he is procrastinating because he feels it's the last tie he has to his mother. When the task is finished, his mother really WILL be gone. It would be a kindness if you would offer to write the thank-you notes with him. Not only will it give him a sense of closeness and support, it will bring closure.

DEAR ABBY: In this period of renewed patriotism, could you please tell me the proper etiquette for listening to our national anthem? I attend many sporting events and have noticed a variety of responses when the anthem begins.

Are women supposed to remove their hats, as well as men? Should you place your right hand over your heart as you would when you say the Pledge of Allegiance? Do you face the flag or the singer? -- WANTING TO BE RESPECTFUL

DEAR WANTING: Stand, face the flag, and either sing along or remain silent. Placing your hand over your heart is optional. Men should remove their hats. Women are not required to. Do not eat, drink or converse for the duration of the song, and when it is finished, cheer and clap to your heart's content.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)