DEAR ABBY: I am a college freshman with a roommate problem. Her name is "Sheryl." (From what my friends say, my problem is not unique.)

Sheryl and her boyfriend, "Steve," are very affectionate. They're not shy about displaying their affection for each other in front of me.

The tiny dorm room I share with Sheryl is where I sleep and study, but I am constantly distracted by the sounds of their loud make-out sessions, and their mushy baby talk makes me want to gag! Whether I'm writing an essay, talking on the phone or e-mailing, Steve and Sheryl can usually be found on the next bed kissing and carrying on as though I don't exist. No matter how many hints I drop, Sheryl seems clueless about what a problem her behavior is for me.

I may not be the perfect roommate, but I try to be quiet and considerate when Sheryl is trying to study. And I don't call my boyfriend sickening names when someone else is around.

For the sake of aggravated roomies everywhere, what can be done? -- ANNOYED IN SANTA CRUZ, CALIF.

DEAR ANNOYED: Stop hinting and speak clearly. When people think they're in love, they sometimes tend to tune out the obvious. If you need to study and your roommate's amorous activities are distracting, tell her and her boyfriend they'll have to knock it off or find someplace else to indulge. And don't feel defensive about it. The primary purpose of college is to study and to graduate.

If that doesn't work, apply for a change in roommates -- preferably one with similar goals as yours.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married this summer. My fiance and I are having a tropical Hawaiian theme wedding and reception at a beautiful hotel overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Our invitations were mailed two weeks ago.

Yesterday, we received an invitation from my future brother- and sister-in-law. They are having a backyard potluck luau the weekend before our wedding.

Abby, I feel hurt and angry. I don't know whether to attend their party or not. What should I do? -- GOING COCONUTS

DEAR GOING COCONUTS: Your hurt and anger are understandable, considering the fact your future in-laws have co-opted the theme of the wedding. The week prior to your big day is sure to be packed with last-minute details that could prevent you from attending the potluck. Keep it as stress-free as possible. If you are too busy to attend, no one could blame you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old mother of four. I recently confided to my husband the attraction I feel for a male friend of ours. He did not take the news well. We have had problems in our marriage for some time. I had not been shy in the past about telling him about my feelings. He dismissed it then, but was unable to now.

He approached our family and friends for support. My mother, in particular, was very supportive of him. I begged him over and over to keep our problems between us. I said it was only adding fuel to the fire and it had to stop. This was not only suggested by me, but also by a marriage counselor. He continued dumping on my mother.

It has been several months, and it still hasn't stopped. I am still feeling Mother's wrath, and she won't stop meddling. She has approached former teachers of mine, co-workers, present and past friends and family members. I'm not sure if she is trying to humiliate me or change my feelings. What gives a mother the right to do and say whatever she wants? -- PUZZLED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUZZLED: Your mother may be enjoying the excitement she is generating -- or she may simply be a gossip. However, at this point that should be the least of your worries.

I don't know what you thought would be gained by discussing your attraction to other men with your husband. If you wanted his attention, you certainly succeeded. But how did you expect him to react? A good rule to follow before opening one's mouth is to pause and ask yourself, "Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?" If the answer is no to two out of three, the wisest thing to do is to keep your mouth shut.

Instead of marriage counseling, which your husband ignored, I recommend individual counseling for you to determine if your marriage is worth saving and to separate emotionally from your mother.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl. I live with my father and stepmother, "Nicki." They have been married for two years. The first year was a little bumpy. Nicki made me see a therapist because she went through my backpack and found a fake suicide note I had written as a joke. Therapy made me sad, so I stopped going.

Ever since then, Nicki has tried hard to play "Mom." She acts like my real mother is dead. Every time I talk about my mom, Nicki gets irritated.

About four months ago, she blew her top and kicked my father and me out of the house. We had to spend the night in a motel. My father and Nicki made up, but since then, things have been very strained. Every once in a while, my father reports to me that Nicki "has cried her eyes out" because she thinks I don't like her.

Abby, I don't want to hurt Nicki, but she's not the only one with feelings. I have been hurt ever since she kicked us out. I don't know what to do. It seems like whenever I do something she doesn't like, she acts hurt. I feel trapped. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: If ever a blended family needed counseling, it is your family. Please clip this column, show it to your father and tell him that you are the author. Professional counseling should help resolve not only many of your problems, but Nicki's as well.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the recent letters from caregivers suggesting that conversations with nursing home staff be recorded in a notebook -- and for visitors to pin "happy" pictures on bulletin boards for patients to enjoy in their room. We in the nursing home industry welcome the input from the loved ones of our residents.

I offer further hints to enhance the quality of life for nursing home residents:

Volunteer your time at a nursing home. Staff can always use help with group activities such as bingo, arts and crafts, dominoes or checkers. Many ladies love having their fingernails polished or to go out shopping for personal items, cards and stamps. Nursing home rates are comparable to moderately priced hotels. It is not economically feasible for our nursing staff to provide all meals, housekeeping and laundry services, twice daily activities and round-the-clock nursing, and also be able to provide all of the extra activities our residents would enjoy.

I hope when visitors to nursing homes are making notes of their concerns, they will also note the good things that go on in nursing homes and compliment the administrators and staff. -- CINDY OWEN, DIRECTOR OF SOCIAL SERVICES, SOUTHBROOK HEALTHCARE, ARDMORE, OKLA.

DEAR CINDY: You're absolutely right. People need to feel appreciated, and a compliment goes a long way. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: During my mother's fight with breast cancer, she was in and out of hospitals. My sister made a 3-by-4-foot collage of old photographs of family, friends and places that Mom loved to visit. This collage went with her from hospital room to hospital room for the duration of her illness. It served to remind everyone that Mom was once a vibrant lady with a rich, full life who was loved by all the people pictured. She was cheered by it, and it served to "humanize" her to the myriad of doctors, nurses, aides and technicians who treated her.

Now that Mom is gone, the collage is hung in a prominent place in our family home. It serves as a constant reminder of now much we love and miss her. -- DAVE IN OHIO

DEAR DAVE: I'm sure your sister's masterpiece is a treasure, and will continue to be considered so by future generations.

DEAR ABBY: Please ask your readers to rethink hosting big parties for those celebrating the "big" birthdays -- 90, 95, 100, etc. Rather than one overwhelming afternoon (when visitors ask the honoree, "Do you know who I am?"), it makes more sense to arrange a visiting schedule over several weeks or months.

Recently a woman who turned 100 was thrown a large party with more than 100 guests. By the time they left, she was exhausted and tearful. It turns out, she rarely had visitors. Visits should be spaced out so that loved ones know they are loved all year. -- NICOLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NICOLE: Hear, hear!

DEAR ABBY: When people buy clothing for patients, they should remember that the person may no longer be able to dress him- or herself or move their limbs. Therefore, it is wise to buy clothing a little larger than you normally would. One woman I know buys her cousin housedresses, then cuts them up the back, hems the sides and makes ties at the neck. When the attendants dress her, there is no trouble, no pain -- and she looks adorable. -- JANET IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR JANET: Thank you for your helpful suggestion. Clothing for people in home health care or in nursing homes can also be ordered by catalog. One company that creates this specialized line of clothing is Buck & Buck Designs. It offers clothes for both men and women that may be ordered online at www.buckandbuck.com or by calling toll-free 1-800-458-0600.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)