DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law have a 2-year-old and a 3-month-old. They live in a home with steep front stairs and two garages underneath. It's on a corner lot with an unfenced yard in a neighborhood with moderate traffic.

My husband and I are very worried. They allow their 2-year-old to be alone outside. When we express our concern, they laugh it off and say they only permit it for about five minutes, and if he wants to come back in the house, he can climb the steps and ring the doorbell.

We have warned them that in the blink of an eye, some pervert could pick the child up and they would never see him again -- that he could run into the intersection or get seriously hurt on the steps. Other than this lack of judgment, they are good, loving parents. Are Grandma and Grandpa overly protective? -- SCARED AND CONCERNED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SCARED AND CONCERNED: Not at all. Now, let me get this straight. Your daughter and son-in-law leave their 2-year-old unsupervised in an unfenced yard, and if he wants them, he should climb the stairs and ring the doorbell? What you describe is child endangerment, and if they don't come to their senses immediately, they should be reported.

Your daughter and son-in-law could benefit from parenting classes so they can understand the various stages of child development. Their expectations of their 2-year-old are unrealistic, and the result could be something they'll regret for a lifetime. Please act now.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years recently broke up with me. He said he loved me, but was no longer IN love with me and wanted to date others. He wants us to be just friends.

I am devastated. I can't eat, sleep or concentrate, and the thought of seeing him with another girl makes me physically sick. I don't think I will ever be able to set foot in his home, much less be his friend. He broke my heart, and everything reminds me of him -- a song, his favorite foods, places we've been, movies we've seen -- everything.

Abby, we had talked about marriage and having a family someday. I simply cannot accept that it's over. I'm in such denial I haven't even shared this terrible blow with my parents.

Help me, please. -- BROKENHEARTED TEEN IN MAINE

DEAR TEEN: I'm sorry for your pain, but trust me, it hurts only for a while. Let me share with you what I've written about breaking up in my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know":

"Keep busy. Avoid 'old reminders,' which tend to make you moody and broody. Get rid of the pictures, photos and gifts ... unless you enjoy punishing yourself.

"Attend parties and school affairs, and develop new interests.

"Speak only well of each other -- or not at all -- after the break.

"Turn a deaf ear to those who want to pry or question you.

"Once it is over, all of the note-writing, phoning or conniving will not help your cause. Don't ask a mutual friend to help you 'get him back.' It will only make you appear foolish.

"Chalk it up to experience and a part of growing up. There is no growth without a little pain."

This booklet may be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You were far too hard on the boyfriend of "Frustrated in Texas," who avoided social events and wanted to elope with her instead of having a big wedding. You seemed to hold him responsible for his anxiety, as if he were doing it on purpose.

From his description, he sounds like someone who suffers from social phobia. This is a very treatable psychiatric illness that can incapacitate people. As with panic disorder, it responds well to both medication and behavioral modification.

I have treated many patients who felt their lives were changed by the simple addition of a medication that controlled their panic in social situations. Please urge this man to see his doctor so he and his fiancee can have the large wedding of her dreams. -- GEORGE L. CHAPPELL, M.D., PROVIDENCE/ST. PETER HOSPITAL, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR DR. CHAPPELL: Thank you for your informative letter. While many people suffer from varying degrees of social insecurity, this is the first time I have heard it classified as a psychiatric disorder that can be treated with medication. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. Six months before my wedding, I became increasingly concerned that my social anxiety disorder would wreak havoc on the event for myself, my fiancee and 250 of our friends and family.

Ever since I was 6, I've had difficulty speaking in public, particularly when I'm the center of attention. The thought of saying "I do" in front of so many people turned my stomach. Determined to do something about it, I signed up for a 10-week course of group therapy for sufferers of social anxiety disorder.

As my wedding day approached, I was calm, cool and relaxed. When the clergywoman asked if I would take my fiancee to be my lawfully wedded wife, with confidence I responded, "I do!" -- HAPPILY MARRIED IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: I'm pleased that group therapy was helpful to you. You were wise to see the need and do something about it.

DEAR ABBY: I am an introverted, quiet man married to a vivacious, gregarious woman for more than 27 years. We have found that our opposite temperaments complement each other and help each of us to develop characteristics we previously lacked. My wife brought me out of my shell and helped me to appreciate the value of a social life.

I'm sure "Frustrated" and her fiance could compromise about their wedding plans if they see their disagreement as a problem to solve rather than a battle to win. If they are not capable of compromise, they are not mature enough to be married. -- ENCHANTED WITH LIFE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ENCHANTED: You're right. Compromise is an important ingredient in every successful relationship.

DEAR ABBY: How do I write thank-you notes for gifts I dislike? No matter how I word it, I end up feeling dishonest and insincere. -- BLOCKED WRITER IN SANTA MONICA

DEAR BLOCKED: It is not dishonest or insincere to thank people for their generosity, or the time and trouble they spend finding a gift for you. If you keep that in mind next time you're faced with the task of writing a thank-you note, I'm sure the words will come more easily.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been engaged to "Zack" for three years, but I don't know if I should marry him. My family has never approved of him, and they have put second thoughts into my head.

Zack has been in prison for the last two years and wants us to be married as soon as he gets out, which will be in another three years.

When I read his letters or visit him, he scares me. Prison has changed Zack so much I hardly recognize him anymore. Since he has been incarcerated, he's been on anti-psychotic drugs and anti-depressants and sees a therapist every month. He has become almost obsessive toward me. He says things like he will be with me "for all eternity" and "till death do us part," and, "If you ever leave me, I will kill myself."

He does not know about my doubts. Should I tell him? Should I break the engagement? Should I marry him? I have so many questions. Zack is not the same guy I fell in love with years ago, and I don't know what to do. -- LACKING CONVICTION IN TEXAS

DEAR LACKING: This is a decision only you can make. Your fiance is not the only one who has changed -- you have changed, too.

Please bear in mind that this man wouldn't be on anti-psychotic medication if he didn't have serious mental problems. Life doesn't always deal us the hand we want, but we are all responsible for our own lives and our own survival. Threatening suicide to force you to stay in the relationship is a classic form of manipulation.

If you're going to break the engagement, do it NOW -- while he has access to a psychotherapist and he is somewhere where he cannot act out on impulse.

DEAR ABBY: I have known I was gay since I was a young girl. My family was very close-minded, so I never told them. In an attempt to be "normal," I married a nice man and had four children. However, I was miserable and divorced him several years ago.

I have since met a wonderful woman. Her name is "Beth" and we're very much in love. She has been "out" for 12 years and her family is comfortable with her sexual orientation. I told my mother that Beth and I are moving in together, and surprisingly, she is very understanding. My grown children are also fine about it, but I don't know what to tell my other family members -- especially my grandparents. They will see this as a failure on their part.

Should I just not tell them? -- KATY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KATY: If you think they can't handle an announcement from you, then don't make one. Live your own life. They may catch on eventually.

P.S. You may also find that they really like your partner and they're not as naive as you think.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about a husband who would send a naked picture of his wife to another couple over the Internet? That's what happened to me, and I found out about it purely by accident.

My husband didn't lie to me about it -- he simply didn't tell me at all! Is this a person you would trust? -- FURIOUS IN YOUNGSTOWN, OHIO

DEAR FURIOUS: Certainly not. Your husband is either extremely immature or he's soliciting the other couple in an attempt at an "open" marriage. He owes you a complete explanation as well as a heartfelt apology for exposing you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)