DEAR ABBY: "Disgusted Aunt in Florida" questioned whether or not her nephew, "Marshall," should be given a family party and graduation gifts, given the fact that he wasn't really graduating from high school. His mother said no; his grandmother was insisting that he should.

As an educator for 27 years, I congratulate Marshall's mother for sticking to her guns. I'm sure his teachers offered him ample opportunity to pass his classes, but Marshall made choices on an hourly basis not to fulfill his responsibilities. Therefore, he should not be rewarded for those deliberately irresponsible choices. The boy obviously thought someone would bail him out -- again.

Let's hope Marshall will learn from this experience. If Grandma coddles him now, she can expect to support him for the rest of her life.

Our nation's educational system needs more support from parents like Marshall's mom. It's time for that young man to accept the consequences of his own inaction. -- THANKFUL FOR MARSHALL'S MOM

DEAR THANKFUL: Many educators will agree with you. Failure is nothing to celebrate, but it can be a potent teacher.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for publishing the toll-free telephone hotline for poison emergencies. Every parent thinks, "It will never happen to me," but it can. Household poisons and chemicals are everywhere.

One morning I was changing my 1-year-old's diaper when she grabbed the tube of diaper rash ointment. Never imagining she could get it open, I allowed her to play with it. Seconds later, her little face and hands were covered with white goo. Then she stuffed her hands into her mouth!

The warning label said to seek medical assistance. While I wiped the ointment out of my toddler's mouth and off her face and hands, my husband grabbed your column with the number of the poison control hotline. I had posted it by the phone only days before. We called the number and were told that the small amount of ointment our daughter had gotten into her mouth was not harmful -- but what if it HAD been!

Abby, please let parents know that they should read all product labels, but if an accident occurs that poison control is always there, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. After our experience I sent them a generous donation. We have to ensure that this resource continues to be available to the public. -- WISER AND SMARTER MOM IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WISER AND SMARTER: I'm pleased that you escaped with a near miss instead of a tragedy, and that the phone number was helpful.

Readers, in case you missed the column that day, the number for the American Association of Poison Control Centers National toll-free telephone hotline is: 1-800-222-1222.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Clock-Watcher in Los Angeles," who asked how long to wait for a person who is late for an appointment, prompts me to write with my solution.

My husband is ALWAYS late. He does not like to rush to get anywhere. I am obsessively punctual, so we came to an amicable compromise: For every minute my husband is late, he pays me $1. It's worth it to him, and it makes my waiting a lot less frustrating. The longer I wait, the more money I make! -- LADY IN WAITING IN OAKLAND

DEAR LADY IN WAITING: Your compromise makes sense to me.

P.S. You bring new meaning to the expression "Time is money."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The woman who asked if there were any rules of etiquette or guidelines for when an ex-spouse is hospitalized or dies, reminded me of a painful incident.

When my beloved husband died, his ex-wife was not only at the funeral home thanking everyone for coming (as though she were the bereaved widow), but she spoke at length at the Catholic Mass about how she found "acceptance, forgiveness, blah, blah, blah ..."

That woman had been married to my husband for only seven years, and they had been divorced for 13 years when I married him. We had been married for 13 happy years. That I couldn't bury my dear husband without this woman's interference was very upsetting. -- STILL UPSET IN FLORIDA

DEAR STILL UPSET: If it's any comfort, I'm sure other mourners at the funeral found the former wife's behavior as bizarre as you did. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to the ex-wife concerning whether or not to attend her ex-spouse's funeral left out an important component. You advised her to ask permission from wife No. 2 about attending. What about the wishes of the children?

If Mom's presence was desired at graduations, weddings and baptisms, then my guess is the kids would want her to attend their father's funeral.

It would be insulting to have to "ask permission" for your own mother to attend your father's funeral. Children of divorce are the victims of a relationship gone awry. When a parent dies, they shouldn't be victimized again. Allow the children closure, no matter what wife No. 2 prefers. The funeral will be the last time the children see their parents "together," and there will be enough grief already. -- SUZI GIBBONS, RICHARDSON, TEXAS

DEAR SUZI: You have a point. I don't think the children should have to ask permission. However, the considerate thing to do would be for wife No. 1 to call wife No. 2 and express her condolences -- and for her to ask if her presence at the funeral would be disruptive or painful.

DEAR ABBY: I am a wife and mother of four who works full time. My time with my family is limited. Over the past four months, it has become even more so because of a weekend house guest.

Ever since my best friend, "Loretta," began dating my brother, she has invited herself to spend every weekend at my house. This is due to the fact that she lives a couple of hours from the city in which we all reside.

What makes matters worse is that Loretta baby-sits for other people while they go out of town, and she'll bring the child (or children) with her to our house!

I was raised to believe that you don't just invite yourself to someone else's home, and I consider Loretta's behavior extremely rude. How can I stop this without reducing myself to her level of rudeness? Abby, please help! -- WANTING MY HOUSE BACK IN KENTUCKY

DEAR WANTING: Speak with candor; being honest is not rudeness. Until you stiffen your backbone this situation will continue -- so stop postponing the inevitable and speak up.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My about-to-be-ex-husband and I have friends who should be notified that he has a new address and phone number. He agrees that we should let our friends know before Christmas.

I am planning to create announcements on my computer and mail them to the people on our Christmas card list. What do you think? Is it acceptable to send divorce announcements? -- DIVORCED IN KANSAS

DEAR DIVORCED: Yes, and it's a subject that has been addressed before in my column.

While a computer-generated announcement may seem like less work, a more personal touch would be to write a short note to your friends and family that you and "John" have amicably gone your separate ways.

Since you're no longer a couple, your former husband should shoulder the responsibility for notifying his friends and relatives about his contact information.

Read on for my favorite tongue-in-cheek divorce announcements:

SPLIT!!

After six years

Lester and Betty

Have seen the light.

Married Nov. 8, 1966

Divorced Nov. 6, 1972

Both are happily back

in circulation.

Call Lester: 555-6500 (after 9:00 p.m.)

Betty: 555-1115 (any time)

IT'S OFFICIAL

Coleen and Michael G. Lamour

have parted amicably and

without rancor.

Coleen is once again happily

Ms. Coleen Mahoney

Residing at the Honeycreek Towers.

Michael's permanent residence

is now on his boat: "I, Pagliacci,"

Where he will continue to drift

aimlessly ... forever!

WITH HAPPY HEARTS

Lionel and Jane

announce with pleasure

the severance of all

legal and/or other bonds

that may have existed

between their daughter

Janet and That Boy.

With the new month of August

Janet enters into a new

and beautiful single life.

As for That Boy --

May the Great Honcho in the sky

love him and keep him --

someplace else.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)