life

Star Known as Screen Heavy Had Light Touch in Real Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 30th, 2002 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: "Reminiscing in Reno" shared a memory of Edward G. Robinson's generosity to servicemen during World War II. I would also like to add a memory I have of that kind human being.

Sixty years ago, when I was 11, my 9-year-old sister and I were flying home to Dallas after visiting our grandparents in California. We were traveling alone.

Our plane got caught up in some turbulence, and I became extremely sick, throwing up all over the place. The next thing I knew, this lovable man had me in his lap, while he held a barf bag and gently wiped my face with a damp towel. He kept assuring me, "Everything is going to be OK."

When we landed in Dallas, the man carried me down the ramp and took my little sister by the hand to our waiting parents. My mother almost fainted when she saw it was Edward G. Robinson. It has become a treasured family story. -- DOTTIE IN HOUSTON

DEAR DOTTIE: It's understandable that you never forgot him. Ironic, isn'it it, that such a caring Samaritan became famous for playing "heavies" on screen. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Reminiscing in Reno" wrote about his World War II experience as a guest in the home of Edward G. Robinson. I have another story to tell:

Mrs. Edward G. Robinson was very active with the USO, organizing visits of young women to various military camps around Los Angeles in the early days of the war. My mother was one of those college girls who volunteered to socialize with the uniformed men before they shipped out.

On a given weekend, they took a chartered bus and went to dances or "socials" with the boys -- giving them someone to talk to. The girls were fully chaperoned and had their own lodging for the night, until their return to Los Angeles the following day.

Mrs. Robinson wrote a small book about this group, called "The Desert Battalion," and gave one to each of the volunteers. Mom loaned her only copy to someone else in the battalion and has never found a replacement, much to her dismay. She says it was a great experience and felt she had helped in her own way with the war effort on the home front.

This was one of those unique local activities that happened in response to World War II. I hope the memory of these efforts can somehow be preserved. There are so many inspiring stories about life at home and abroad during World War II that my generation unfortunately may never know. -- DAVE KOHL, WEST LINN, ORE.

DEAR DAVE: You're right, there are. And since you brought up the subject of inspiring stories, "War Letters," the extraordinary collection of historical correspondence from the Civil War to the present (collected by Andrew Carroll, published by Washington Square Press), is now in paperback and available in bookstores. I recommend it.

life

Dear Abby for May 30, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 30th, 2002 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am planning to be married. This will be my third trip to the altar. My question: Would it be proper for me to wear white? If not, what would you suggest? -- CHERYL IN CLINTON TOWNSHIP, MICH.

DEAR CHERYL: Although white no longer symbolizes virginity, it does signify a first-time bride. Consider wearing a long or short dress in a pale pastel color, off-white or white with color in the trim and accessories. An afternoon dress (long or short) or a dressy suit would also be appropriate.

Congratulations on your forthcoming marriage. I hope the third time is the charm.

life

Dear Abby for May 30, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 30th, 2002 | Letter 3 of 3

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

life

Two Handed Policy Keeps

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 29th, 2002 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Please print one of my pet peeves: I don't know how many times I have pulled into busy parking lots and seen small children running between the parking spaces with little or no supervision. Three times in the last month, I have seen drivers brake abruptly to avoid hitting little kids.

My sister-in-law had a system when her children were small. Once the car was parked and the engine turned off, the child could open the door and exit the vehicle. However, when the child closed the door, he or she had to keep both hands on the car until an adult came and took him or her by the hand. She would always remind them by repeating, "Remember, both hands on the car!" -- KUDOS TO MY S-I-L

DEAR KUDOS: I'm glad it works for your sister-in-law. However, were it my child, I would insist that he or she wait to be assisted out of the safety seat -- and after that I would take the child firmly by the hand.

life

Dear Abby for May 29, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 29th, 2002 | Letter 2 of 4
life

Dear Abby for May 29, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 29th, 2002 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for encouraging "Desperate in the U.S.A." to contact the nearest suicide hotline. "Desperate's" friends should take his or her feelings seriously. In one poll, 7 percent of youth under 25 acknowledged having made at least one suicide attempt.

As you point out, there are many suicide crisis lines in the country offering free crisis counseling 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year. Our Suicide Prevention Center, the oldest in the country, receives more than 17,000 calls annually. Please let your readers know they will automatically be linked to the closest available accredited suicide hotline by calling The National Hopeline Network's toll-free access number: (800) SUICIDE (784-2433). -- KITA S. CURRY, PH.D., PRESIDENT, DIDI HIRSCH COMMUNITY MENTAL HEALTH CENTER, CULVER CITY, CALIF.

DEAR DR. CURRY: Thank you for the valuable input. Readers, if you or anyone you know suffers from depression, this is a phone number that just may come in handy. The urge to end it all is something that can strike people of all ages -- not just teens.

life

Dear Abby for May 29, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 29th, 2002 | Letter 4 of 4

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

life

Marriage to Longtime Abuser Had Lasting Effect on Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 28th, 2002 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I now see the damage I did to my adult children by remaining in an abusive marriage during their formative years. They have all been divorced -- one of them twice.

My husband was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. I tried to be the peacemaker. However, by not standing up to him, I taught my children that they should not stand up for themselves. All of them have been verbally abused by their spouses and are still intimidated, just as I was.

When I was a young wife, women were trapped with no place to go when abuse occurred. Now, with just one phone call to the police, action is taken. I hope someday I can forgive myself for the damage I have inflicted on my family. Is there a way I can help them now -- or is it too late? -- FILLED WITH REGRET IN FLORIDA

DEAR FILLED WITH REGRET: It's never too late to admit a mistake and to try to right a wrong, particularly an error of omission. Tell your children their upbringing wasn't normal -- and why -- and urge them to seek counseling.

The following signs of an abusive partner have been adapted with permission from the Project for Victims of Family Violence in Fayetteville, Ark.:

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," instead of, "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustices of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper), or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID SEX ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it." If the abuse has gone this far -- it's time to get help or get out! The toll-free number for the domestic abuse hotline is (800) 799-7233.

life

Dear Abby for May 28, 2002

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 28th, 2002 | Letter 2 of 2

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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