DEAR ABBY: I love my husband and don't want to lose him. He has always been my knight in shining armor, but I now know for a fact that he's cheating.

Last night he left for a week to be with a woman he paid to fly here. She does not know he's married. Actually, there is a lot she doesn't know.

I have always lived by the poem that says if you love something -- set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours, but if it doesn't, it never belonged to you in the first place.

Abby, this man has left and come back to me five times! Each time, he tells me he loves me, and I believe him. I should mention that he is from London, and I am a native Texan, still living in the town where I grew up. England is where SHE is from -- and where he always goes.

My husband accuses me of trying to take away his friends and control him. Believe me, I am not. All I ever wanted was a peaceful, happy life with the man I love.

What should I do? I feel like a fool, but I love my husband dearly. -- WIFE WITH AN ACHING HEART

DEAR WIFE: While the poem you have paraphrased has a lovely message, I seriously doubt that your troubled marriage was what the poet had in mind.

You say the woman doesn't know your husband is married. That means he's cheating on both of you. You and the English ladyfriend are overdue for a truth session.

Texas women are supposed to be tough. Ask yourself, "What would Ann Richards do?" Tell him to get back in the corral or you'll turn him into a gelding. Your wandering spouse may have been born in England, but that doesn't entitle him to bolt whenever he feels like it.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Tired and Worried in the Midwest," a 21-year-old mother of a 19-month-old child. She was separated from an abusive husband and said she did not know how to handle her daughter's constant crying. You suggested she see a pediatrician for a referral to a child psychiatrist.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, here's what I think: "Tired and Worried" appears to be a young, inexperienced mom who has lost control of her own life. Her 19-month-old may not need to see a child psychiatrist nearly as much as this young mother needs a parenting skills class. They are offered at local adult education programs or community colleges, as well as the YMCA and many churches.

"Tired and Worried" could also use some personal therapy to help untangle herself from her controlling family, as well as develop assertion skills that may prevent her from getting into another abusive relationship. She can find referrals for low-fee counseling in the phone book or from her local community mental health agencies.

When this young woman wrote, "I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown," it was a cry for help that's needed before she -- or her baby -- are injured. -- JAELLINE JAFFE, PH.D.

DEAR DR. JAFFE: Your solution may be better than the one I offered. However, before finding a therapist listed in the phone book, it's preferable to get a referral from a physician. They usually refer to someone they know whose expertise they trust.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Two different professional counselors have told me my husband is emotionally abusive. I just don't see it.

In 25 years of marriage, we've hardly ever fought. The reason? I always let him have his way to avoid conflict. He makes everything out to be "my fault," and I've always assumed that he's right.

Sometimes I'm afraid to have a confrontation with him, but it's not because he has ever hit me. He says he loves me and I believe him. Does this sound like emotional abuse to you, Abby? I would be grateful for your opinion. -- SAD AND CONFUSED IN SAN PEDRO, CALIF.

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: What you describe is emotional abuse on your husband's part and lack of self-esteem on yours. Your coping method has been refusal to defend yourself -- or accepting undeserved blame.

I hate to put you on the spot, but I'm willing to bet you have done many things RIGHT during the marriage, for which you deserved to be praised. Ask yourself, "Why did my husband keep silent?"

DEAR ABBY: My purse was stolen yesterday. I lost my money, three credit cards and my checkbook. I immediately called the bank and credit card companies to report what happened. However, at 2 o'clock this morning, I woke up in a panic. I realized that whoever has my checkbook now knows my driver's license and Social Security numbers! My bank had recommended I use two-part checks because they no longer return canceled checks.

Abby, please warn your readers that after they have written their two-part check, to remove the top one from the checkbook before adding their driver's license and Social Security numbers. I now feel I am a target for identity fraud. -- FEELING VULNERABLE IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR FEELING VULNERABLE: I'm pleased to pass along your important warning. You're right; you are at risk. Hold a good thought, but in addition to notifying your bank and credit card companies, inform the credit bureaus about your loss -- and keep a close check on your monthly bank and credit card statements in case you are also a victim of identity theft. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Ready to Go It Alone in Mississippi," from the bride-to-be who had no brothers or male family members to walk her down the aisle.

When my wife and I were married, we had a situation in which her father would be present at our wedding, but we didn't want him to give her away.

Understanding that together we were stepping into our new married life, we decided that we would escort each other down the aisle.

Waiting for my bride to emerge near the back of the church, and seeing her more beautiful than any woman I had ever dreamed of, took my breath away. We enjoyed a few quiet moments together as I caught my breath, wiped away my tears, and told my precious love how beautiful she was. Then we walked arm in arm down the aisle, and we haven't looked back since! -- STILL ARM IN ARM IN MISSOURI

DEAR ARM IN ARM: May you always be as happy as you were that memorable day.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For years my husband and I worked at various private summer camps across the Southeast. It always amazed us that parents would send their children to camps without thoroughly checking the conditions of these places. What are these parents thinking? The camp sales videos show only what the owners want the parents to see.

A few pointers when selecting a camp:

(1) Make sure the camp is safe. Don't take anyone's word for it.

(2) If your children went last year, quiz them about the activities in order to find out if they really DO get to participate in everything the video claims. Question them about the plumbing, lighting and water. Children are not dumb. If they observed a problem last year, chances are they'll remember it.

(3) Ask if you can drop in on your kids during camp session. If you do and are asked to wait in the office while they're brought to you, ask why you can't meet them wherever they happen to be at that time.

(4) If you take your kids to camp, walk around and take a good look. Don't just check out the bunks. Walk through the kitchen, the infirmary, and examine the play equipment they will be using.

(5) Ask if your children's possessions will be stored in a secure location.

(6) Find out how your kids' money is taken care of. Where can it be kept safe, and what is the procedure if their money is taken?

(7) Last, if your child constantly complains about camp -- LISTEN. You may be getting a dose of the truth.

Hope this helps, Abby. Thanks for letting us vent. -- FRUSTRATED IN GEORGIA

DEAR GEORGIA: Thank you for sharing your voices of experience. I would like to add three more tips:

(8) Are the lifeguards certified and trained to perform CPR and first aid?

(9) Ask if all the counselors and staff have been screened for criminal records or sex offenses.

(10) When you check out the kitchen, ask the cooks what meals are planned and if there are healthy snacks.

DEAR ABBY: For the past year I have been seeing a wonderful man named "Al." We met only three months after he was widowed, but he felt strongly that we should date only each other. The attraction was mutual, so I agreed.

Al has a male friend he looks up to, for reasons I don't understand. This friend has the reputation of bedding down a different woman every night of the week. I know for a fact he tries to sway Al to go out with other women.

Lately Al has been hinting that he wants to go to lunch or dinner with other women "just to talk" -- nothing else.

At a dance we attend together every week, Al meets other women on the "mix," where you dance a few dances with other partners. I have seen women come on to him, as he is a nice-looking, clean-cut guy and a good dancer. Men come on to me, too, but I would never give them my phone number or line up dates with them.

Al feels strongly about me, and I about him, but because of the constant prodding of his oversexed friend -- and women running after him -- I am unsure how to handle this situation. I am hurt that Al could even consider the idea of seeing other women.

Abby, please advise me. -- HURT IN BOCA RATON, FLA.

DEAR HURT: The most effective way to handle this is to deal with it head-on. Ask Al if he is having second thoughts about your exclusive relationship. If he is, you need to know it right away so that you can begin to date others, too.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)