DEAR ABBY: On Jan. 13, 1997, I joyfully anticipated the birth of my second child. Twelve hours later, my uterus ruptured during labor. An emergency C-section followed, but my son, Mark, was left with no brain activity. The doctor told me Mark's chances of surviving the night were grim. I felt as though I was falling backward into a tunnel. I knew then that I would do whatever I could to spare other parents this wrenching pain.

Then it hit me -- organ donation. As I plunged into the darkness of death, I was thrown a lifeline. Although my son would not live, at least something positive could come from his tragedy. Donating Mark's organs was the start of a series of small miracles that helped me to cope. Two years later, I met Jacob, a little boy who can now run, jump and smile at his mom because he has my baby's heart.

Today there are nearly 80,000 people in the United States on the waiting list for organs. Seventeen die each day while waiting for a transplant. April 21-27 is National Organ and Tissue Donor Awareness Week. The process is a simple one: Sign an organ donor card and discuss the decision with family members, because in many states family consent is mandatory at the time of donation.

For more information about organ donation or a free donor card, readers may contact the National Kidney Foundation at Box DA, 30 E. 33rd St., New York, NY 10016. The Web address is www.kidney.org. -- ELLEN KULIK, NATIONAL KIDNEY FOUNDATION DONOR FAMILY COUNCIL

DEAR ELLEN: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your child. I have long been a champion of organ donation, and I salute you for making a loving and positive decision at such a devastating time in your life. Although Mark could not live, you made sure that his death had meaning -- as the following essay by Robert Test makes clear.

TO REMEMBER ME by Robert Test

At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my "deathbed." Call it my "bed of life," and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to a man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.

Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.

Give my blood to the teen-ager who has been pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.

Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.

Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body, and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her windows.

Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses, and all my prejudice against my fellow man.

Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

(Reprinted with permission from The Living Bank, www.livingbank.org.)

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DEAR ABBY: I am desperately worried about my brother's two children. Their mother remarried a man who abuses them.

This guy has torn the children's earlobes by yanking on them; threatened to kill their pets; says he'll beat the kids if they tell their dad, as they have in the past. Last time it happened, their dad confronted his ex-wife and this man, but they denied everything and told the kids after he left that they'd get "beaten senseless" if they ever told again.

My brother's ex-wife is not being abused by this man. The children tell me she laughs when he hurts them. She calls it "playing" -- or claims it's the kind of treatment the kids deserve.

These little children are in first and second grade, Abby. What can we do? Please send us some information. Do not use my name or city. -- VERY SAD AUNT

DEAR SAD AUNT: If ever I read a letter where intervention is needed -- yours it is. Call Childhelp USA immediately. The toll-free phone number is 1-800-422-4453. The people there will refer you to child protective services in the state where the children reside.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wonderful husband, "Jerome," for more than 20 years. He is a good provider and we own our own home.

The problem is the TV. Jerome eats in front of it, does paperwork in front of it and reads in front of it. I really don't believe he could exist without it. One day the TV was on 16 hours straight. I know he isn't out chasing other women, gambling or drinking in bars because he's home watching television. The noise box is on even when nobody is in the room.

Abby, I'm tired of him turning it on as soon as he wakes up and turning it off when it's time for bed. I'd like some quiet time and his full attention. Kindly give me your opinion. This isn't a new thing -- it started on our honeymoon. -- SEEKING PEACE AND QUIET IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SEEKING: Tell Jerome the honeymoon is over. It's time to cut the cable and put a stop to this "menage a trois." You need a TV-free zone -- at least one night a week -- with adult conversation and no distractions. It may be an adjustment for him, but it's not too much to ask.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Happy Mom in North Caroliona," about her 6-year-old son's reaction to the "facts of life," brought back the memory of my first mother/daughter talk with the second of my four children.

My 7-year-old daughter called me aside one day after school and informed me that she now knew how babies were made. She graphically described what she had heard from her friend, and it was technically correct. I was at a loss for words, so I shrugged and told her, "Yes, that's how babies are conceived."

She gasped, clutched her chest, and said in a disgusted voice, "And you and Daddy did it FOUR times?!"

Abby, I didn't know what to say, but I heard myself tell her, "Well, honey, if you want a baby badly enough, you'll do ANYTHING!"

My little girl thought for a moment, then jumped up from her chair with, "Oh, OK!" and ran outside to play jump-rope with her playmates. End of conversation! -- LOIS HAMILTON

DEAR LOIS: Since she caught you flat-footed, I think you handled the situation very deftly.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has known my entire life that I was adopted. It made no difference to me.

Mom always answered any questions I had when I was curious about my birth parents. After my first child was born, I became curious and decided to see if I could find them. I talked it over with my mom. She encouraged me and even suggested ways I could try to find them. I had little money to spend on registries and investigators, nor did I want to be intrusive in case they had families who had not been told about me. I started registering with various adoption Web sites. After almost 10 years, I found my birth parents. They are wonderful people, and I'm happy to know them and for them to know me.

Now for the problem: When I told my mom I had found my birth parents, she was initially happy for me. Then, the very next day, she informed me that I was "messing with the foundation of the family" by doing this. I was devastated. I had never hidden the fact that I was searching. I love my parents dearly, but they have now put up a wall I can't breach, and they refuse to discuss it. They have started shutting me out of their family, to the point of failing to tell me my grandmother was dying until after she was gone.

I don't want my children to lose the only grandparents they have known their entire lives, but seeing me miserable every time we get together can't be good for them. How do I handle this? -- HURTING IN OHIO

DEAR HURTING: Although your mother initially helped you with your adoption search, on some level she never really thought you would find your birth parents. When you announced that you had, she felt threatened and betrayed, and (putting it mildly) overreacted and became punitive. Not telling you that your grandmother was dying was inexcusable.

Since she and your father won't discuss it, write them a letter. Tell them how much you love them and remind them that they are the only family you have ever known. Explain that you have no intention of hurting anyone. If that doesn't work, ask their clergyperson to intercede. If they don't have one, perhaps another trusted relative would do it for you.

If that doesn't work, then I agree that exposing your children to an atmosphere with an undercurrent of hostility is not healthy. Continue to cultivate a relationship with your birth parents and other relatives -- and know that you did what you could to heal the breach and go on with your life with a clear conscience.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle an argument: How long should one wait for somebody?

I recently had a date with a friend. We agreed to meet at a specific time and place. After my friend failed to arrive 15 minutes past the appointed time, I left. Evidently he showed up five minutes later.

Now he is annoyed with me. He says good manners require that one wait 30 minutes for friends or family and 15 minutes for business associates or new acquaintances.

What do you make of this, Abby? Some people are perpetually late, so I need some reasonable guidelines. -- CLOCK-WATCHER IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR CLOCK-WATCHER: Nowhere is it written that one "must" wait a certain amount of time for someone who is perpetually late. Common sense dictates that if someone knows he or she is running late, the person should call and inform whomever is waiting. (Almost everyone has a cellular phone or pager these days.)

P.S. I'll bet your friend is on time next time!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)