DEAR ABBY: I am desperately worried about my brother's two children. Their mother remarried a man who abuses them.

This guy has torn the children's earlobes by yanking on them; threatened to kill their pets; says he'll beat the kids if they tell their dad, as they have in the past. Last time it happened, their dad confronted his ex-wife and this man, but they denied everything and told the kids after he left that they'd get "beaten senseless" if they ever told again.

My brother's ex-wife is not being abused by this man. The children tell me she laughs when he hurts them. She calls it "playing" -- or claims it's the kind of treatment the kids deserve.

These little children are in first and second grade, Abby. What can we do? Please send us some information. Do not use my name or city. -- VERY SAD AUNT

DEAR SAD AUNT: If ever I read a letter where intervention is needed -- yours it is. Call Childhelp USA immediately. The toll-free phone number is 1-800-422-4453. The people there will refer you to child protective services in the state where the children reside.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wonderful husband, "Jerome," for more than 20 years. He is a good provider and we own our own home.

The problem is the TV. Jerome eats in front of it, does paperwork in front of it and reads in front of it. I really don't believe he could exist without it. One day the TV was on 16 hours straight. I know he isn't out chasing other women, gambling or drinking in bars because he's home watching television. The noise box is on even when nobody is in the room.

Abby, I'm tired of him turning it on as soon as he wakes up and turning it off when it's time for bed. I'd like some quiet time and his full attention. Kindly give me your opinion. This isn't a new thing -- it started on our honeymoon. -- SEEKING PEACE AND QUIET IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SEEKING: Tell Jerome the honeymoon is over. It's time to cut the cable and put a stop to this "menage a trois." You need a TV-free zone -- at least one night a week -- with adult conversation and no distractions. It may be an adjustment for him, but it's not too much to ask.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Happy Mom in North Caroliona," about her 6-year-old son's reaction to the "facts of life," brought back the memory of my first mother/daughter talk with the second of my four children.

My 7-year-old daughter called me aside one day after school and informed me that she now knew how babies were made. She graphically described what she had heard from her friend, and it was technically correct. I was at a loss for words, so I shrugged and told her, "Yes, that's how babies are conceived."

She gasped, clutched her chest, and said in a disgusted voice, "And you and Daddy did it FOUR times?!"

Abby, I didn't know what to say, but I heard myself tell her, "Well, honey, if you want a baby badly enough, you'll do ANYTHING!"

My little girl thought for a moment, then jumped up from her chair with, "Oh, OK!" and ran outside to play jump-rope with her playmates. End of conversation! -- LOIS HAMILTON

DEAR LOIS: Since she caught you flat-footed, I think you handled the situation very deftly.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who has known my entire life that I was adopted. It made no difference to me.

Mom always answered any questions I had when I was curious about my birth parents. After my first child was born, I became curious and decided to see if I could find them. I talked it over with my mom. She encouraged me and even suggested ways I could try to find them. I had little money to spend on registries and investigators, nor did I want to be intrusive in case they had families who had not been told about me. I started registering with various adoption Web sites. After almost 10 years, I found my birth parents. They are wonderful people, and I'm happy to know them and for them to know me.

Now for the problem: When I told my mom I had found my birth parents, she was initially happy for me. Then, the very next day, she informed me that I was "messing with the foundation of the family" by doing this. I was devastated. I had never hidden the fact that I was searching. I love my parents dearly, but they have now put up a wall I can't breach, and they refuse to discuss it. They have started shutting me out of their family, to the point of failing to tell me my grandmother was dying until after she was gone.

I don't want my children to lose the only grandparents they have known their entire lives, but seeing me miserable every time we get together can't be good for them. How do I handle this? -- HURTING IN OHIO

DEAR HURTING: Although your mother initially helped you with your adoption search, on some level she never really thought you would find your birth parents. When you announced that you had, she felt threatened and betrayed, and (putting it mildly) overreacted and became punitive. Not telling you that your grandmother was dying was inexcusable.

Since she and your father won't discuss it, write them a letter. Tell them how much you love them and remind them that they are the only family you have ever known. Explain that you have no intention of hurting anyone. If that doesn't work, ask their clergyperson to intercede. If they don't have one, perhaps another trusted relative would do it for you.

If that doesn't work, then I agree that exposing your children to an atmosphere with an undercurrent of hostility is not healthy. Continue to cultivate a relationship with your birth parents and other relatives -- and know that you did what you could to heal the breach and go on with your life with a clear conscience.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle an argument: How long should one wait for somebody?

I recently had a date with a friend. We agreed to meet at a specific time and place. After my friend failed to arrive 15 minutes past the appointed time, I left. Evidently he showed up five minutes later.

Now he is annoyed with me. He says good manners require that one wait 30 minutes for friends or family and 15 minutes for business associates or new acquaintances.

What do you make of this, Abby? Some people are perpetually late, so I need some reasonable guidelines. -- CLOCK-WATCHER IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR CLOCK-WATCHER: Nowhere is it written that one "must" wait a certain amount of time for someone who is perpetually late. Common sense dictates that if someone knows he or she is running late, the person should call and inform whomever is waiting. (Almost everyone has a cellular phone or pager these days.)

P.S. I'll bet your friend is on time next time!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Recently my son entered a derby car race at his Cub Scout meeting. He left the house proud of the derby car he fashioned from a block of wood. My husband had shown him how to use the proper tools, to sand and paint the car -- but it was our son's design.

When my son and husband arrived at the race track, it was obvious many of the fathers had done far more than supervise the making of the derby cars. In fact, many of the fathers bragged about how they had designed, cut and painted their sons' cars -- even going so far as adding "hidden" weights so they would go faster! One of the youngest boys in the pack won a huge trophy for "best in show." His car was elaborately carved and decorated far beyond his capabilities.

We told our son he should be proud of his car because he had followed instructions and created it himself. Unfortunately, some of the other boys made our son feel their dads loved them more because they had made prettier, faster cars for them.

Abby, I am afraid this is another example of parents reliving their youth at the expense of their children. The fathers should never have taken over this project. What did these boys learn? That it's OK to cheat? I'd love to see this addressed because I know it happens all over the country. -- PROUD MOM IN OHIO

DEAR PROUD MOM: You are describing parents who are determined to make sure their children succeed even if it means cutting a few corners. And you're absolutely right -- I doubt that a trophy a child hasn't earned and knows isn't deserved will make him or her feel like a winner. The prize becomes meaningless. The child's abilities are diminished, and the youngster is left feeling that he or she can't perform.

DEAR ABBY: I'm enclosing a poem I wrote after visiting Auschwitz. I hope you will print it in your column on April 19, Holocaust Remembrance Day. -- TAWNYSHA LYNCH

DEAR TAWNYSHA: I'm pleased to print your poem as a tribute to the many souls who have been sacrified over the centuries because of man's inhumanity to man.

NEVER FORGET by Tawnysha Lynch

(Excerpted from "Remembrance," copyright 2001)

I may have died long ago,

But I am not gone.

My body may rest among thousands,

But I still exist.

When you see this camp before you,

You see where I breathed my last.

When you look at the ground,

You see my footprints.

As you walk upon this soil,

You step over my bones.

When you see old photographs,

My eyes look at yours.

When you hear the wind whisper,

You are hearing my voice.

When your eyes brim with tears,

It is me tugging your heart.

"Never forget," I whisper to you

And you hear my desperate words.

I may not be alive today,

But in your heart, I still live.

Remember me.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)