DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the laugh of the week -- "Blushing in Baltimore," complaining that from her kitchen sink she can see her neighbors making love in bed because they don't pull the drapes or turn off the lights. I bet you her lights are off, and the only thing in her hands is a pair of binoculars!

This reminds me of the story of the old lady who called the police to complain that the man next door walked around his house naked. The police came to investigate and asked from which window she could see him. She pointed to the kitchen window. After watching for 10 minutes, they said, "Lady, we don't see him." The woman replied, "You're not watching from the right angle. Get up on the kitchen table and you'll see him just fine!" -- LAUGHING IN HARRISBURG

DEAR LAUGHING: Perhaps it is a matter of perspective. "There is none so blind as he who will not see," or to put it another way, "He who averts his eyes misses everything." For a different angle, read on:

DEAR ABBY: Methinks "Blushing in Baltimore" protests too much! It doesn't take Freud to understand the situation. The two parties are well matched. The neighbors like to put on a show, and "Blushing" obliges them by watching.

Abby, nobody forces her to look. Doesn't she have a life of her own? She could get drapes or blinds and go turn on her TV -- but then, a live show beats network television anytime. (And your suggestion to plant a tree would spoil everybody's fun!) -- SEEN IT ALL IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR SEEN IT ALL: Not necessarily. It depends on who's pruning the tree.

DEAR ABBY: The other day a friend's wife, "Mimi," commented that she needed a new wardrobe because of her recent breast augmentation. I was taken aback because I didn't realize she'd had the procedure.

Mimi then began unbuttoning her sweater, saying, "See? Whatcha think?" She was wearing a T-shirt underneath, but I wasn't comfortable being asked to comment on her breasts. Somehow, "Nice rack, Mimi!" didn't seem appropriate. And with her husband standing a few feet away, I wasn't sure I should be looking at all.

What kind of response would have been appropriate, Abby? Should I have complimented both husband and wife, or directed my comments just to her? Sign me ... STUMPED BY THE SILICONE REVOLUTION

DEAR STUMPED: A safe reply would have been, "Your husband is a lucky man."

DEAR ABBY: The letters about children learning "the facts of life" reminded me of this story about my nephew: His mother was busy dressing for church when little "Clay" asked her, "Mom, how are babies born?"

My sister, caught off guard and unprepared for such a complex question from her 4-year-old, quickly took his hand and led him to the bathroom where his father stood shaving. She then asked Clay to repeat his question. The obedient little boy asked, "Dad, how are babies born?"

Not missing a beat, his dad promptly replied, "Head first." Clay said, "OK," then headed back to the TV to finish watching cartoons. -- AUNT L IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR AUNT L: That was a close shave. What a smart daddy!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 50 years old, married for 28 years, and have two adult children -- the eldest 25. In 1967, my steady high school girlfriend, "Maggie," became pregnant with our baby. We were both in our junior year.

We planned a small church wedding when Maggie was three months pregnant. Our families were supportive, despite their disappointment. They offered emotional and financial assistance.

A few days before the wedding, I got cold feet. I knew I was not ready for marriage, and I told our minister, who told Maggie's parents. The wedding was canceled. Maggie was sent to a maternity home two states away. She gave birth to a son who was placed for adoption.

Maggie's father vowed I would never see his daughter again and would not allow her to return home. She was sent to live with relatives. Maggie and I did stay in contact through a friend during the year after the baby was born. The experience was never again mentioned in my family.

Abby, I am still haunted by my cowardice. My wife knows about my first child, but I have never told my children. Now that they are grown, I wonder if I should. My wife said she will support me, whatever my decision. Do you think telling them would place an unfair burden on them? -- REMORSEFUL BIRTH FATHER

DEAR REMORSEFUL: Telling your children about your youthful mistake would not be unfairly burdensome. On the contrary, it will prepare them in case their half-sibling shows up in the future.

And now a short sermon from me: You did the right thing in leveling with your minister that you were not ready for the responsibility of marriage. It's time for you to let go of the burden of guilt that you have been carrying all these years and learn to forgive yourself.

DEAR ABBY: As a 20-something wife and mother of one, I am facing a terrible problem.

I am desperately in love with another man. He is also my doctor. He isn't aware that I am in love with him, because I don't feel it's right to tell him under the circumstances. However, I find myself making pathetic excuses to call his office so I can hear his voice.

I finally confessed my feelings to my husband, then quickly recanted my confession, saying it was all a mistake. My spouse and I have drifted apart, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to return his love and affection. I know it's because of my intense feelings for my doctor.

The truth is, I love two men -- one I'll never have, but want badly, and another who is a devoted husband and father of my child.

Is there any hope for me, Abby? I feel like the most deceitful woman who ever lived. I cannot continue carrying this secret. Please help me. -- MISERABLE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISERABLE: Both men and women tend to idealize their doctors. And why not? They are usually caring, concerned, brilliant individuals who devote their lives to caring for others. If they are human and have feet of clay, the patient rarely sees that aspect of their personalities. Who wouldn't love a person who helps them when they're at their worst?

Is there any hope for you? It depends on what you're hoping for. But your best bet would be to change doctors and get into marriage counseling with your spouse.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 10 years and happily married for six. We live in a small town and have been restoring a 100-year-old Victorian home since our marriage; we've put a lot of our heart and soul into this house. We have terrific neighbors, and it is a beautiful neighborhood. We chose to live in this small town because my husband was previously married and has three children who live here with their mother. At the time, we thought it would be a good idea so he could remain close to the children. We get along well with them, see them often, and can attend their school and sporting activities.

The problem: My husband's ex has started parking three doors up the street and walks, jogs, bikes and skates around our house. When I say "around," I mean we live on a corner with an alley in the back, so it is LITERALLY "around" the house. We feel like we're being circled by a vulture watching our every move.

My husband says he feels that she's invading our privacy, especially when it's his visitation with the kids. In the summer, this happens on a daily basis -- sometimes twice a day. My husband asked her to find another way to go, but she says she's not doing anything wrong and refuses.

We have thought of moving, but this is a small town and we are afraid she would follow us. My husband grew up in this town and his parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters live here. Short of leaving all of our hard work, our beautiful home, our good neighbors, our relatives and most important, the children, what can we do? -- VULTURE'S PREY

DEAR PREY: You're not being circled by a vulture. You're being haunted by the Ghost of Marriage Past. Obviously the poor woman has not moved on with her life and is preoccupied with yours. She would benefit from counseling. Since she persists in making her presence felt in spite of being asked not to, your next move should be to consult a lawyer and have a chat with your local police department. A restraining order may be able to achieve what a polite request could not.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Fed Up in Pittsburgh" was right on. It was the letter about the freeloading brother-in-law who wouldn't move out of his relatives' game room.

Twenty years ago, I too moved in with my brother and his family after my divorce. My brother assured me I could stay until I got back on my feet. I spent six weeks living there -- becoming more and more withdrawn in the process. Every night I'd come home from work and all I'd do is play with their kids.

Then one weekend my brother left town on business. When I came home that first night after he was gone, my sister-in-law met me at the door with the words, "I want you to move out." I assured her I would, as soon as I got an apartment. She said, "No, I mean RIGHT NOW."

I immediately packed a few things and went to stay with a friend. The next day, I started looking for a place of my own, and two days later I had an apartment. All my brother has ever known is that I moved out that weekend. I never told him why.

What my sister-in-law did was the best thing that could have happened to me; we are good friends to this day. Please tell "Fed Up" that maybe the brother-in-law needs a "kick start" like I did. -- GRATEFUL IN SASKATCHEWAN

DEAR GRATEFUL: A kick in the posterior can sometimes be a boost in the right direction.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)