DEAR READERS: I received a mountain of mail responding to "Karen in Virginia," whose twin sister resented her selecting a wedding date near her own:

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I married on Dec. 10, 1961. Nineteen years later, our first daughter was married on Dec. 10. Three years after that, my son was married on Dec. 10, and two years after that, our second daughter married on Dec. 10. We think it's great. My wife and I are honored.

The most enjoyable thing about it is when we go out for our anniversary dinner together. The server asks, "Whose anniversary is it?" And we all raise our hands! -- HAPPY CHARLIE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR HAPPY CHARLIE: I like your style!

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago my husband and I celebrated our 50th anniversary. Our oldest granddaughter wanted to be married around that same time. We ended up combining our anniversary party and her wedding -- and it couldn't have been a more wonderful day for everyone.

Those twin sisters should embrace each other and celebrate together from now on. -- HAPPY WIFE, MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER

DEAR HAPPY: In the best of all possible worlds, they would.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a twin, and one of the many advantages of being a twin is the ability to share important times in our lives. My sister was married July 20; I was married July 19 of the following year. Unfortunately, we don't live close enough to celebrate our birthdays and anniversaries together or we would. What Karen's sister doesn't realize is that plenty of twins would love to share an event together but have lost their sister or brother.

Shame on her. She doesn't deserve to be a twin. She should have been a "singlet." -- GINNY IN CINCINNATI

DEAR GINNY: It's sad to say, but not all twins view twinship as you do.

DEAR ABBY: My twin sister, "Sue," was planning her wedding when my husband asked me to marry him. Sue was the first person I told. She immediately said, "Do you want to get married on the same day? That would be great!" As it happened, I was unable to be married on that day, but she insisted that I announce my engagement at her rehearsal dinner so our family and friends could hear it from me.

She didn't begrudge me stealing the spotlight from her wedding; instead, she was happy for me. She helped me plan every part of my wedding (I was doing it long-distance) and was an unfailing support to me. We even wore the same dress in a different color. Sue has been my best friend from the day we were born and will always be the closest person to me on Earth. -- A NON-COMPETITIVE TWIN

DEAR N-C.T.: Bravo to both of you.

DEAR ABBY: You said Karen's twin was being childish. Well, I think Karen is the competitive twin. There are many other dates that fit the parameters she mentioned. Her twin isn't the one insisting on being married close to the same day. Even her fiance said it's not a good time.

Karen's sister can't change the date of her anniversary. By insisting on being married close to her sister's date, Karen is being childish and competitive. I think she needs counseling to find out why she's so obsessed with her twin. -- HAPPY TO BE AN ONLY CHILD

DEAR ONLY CHILD: Thank you for pointing out that there are two sides to every story.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My brother was one of the New York City firefighters who were missing in the World Trade Center disaster. For two months my family agonized about his whereabouts and what happened to him. One night my mom told me about the "pennies from heaven" letters in your column, and I began wishing that Mom could find a penny with my brother's birth year on it -- or some other sign that he was at peace.

In late November, I got a phone call from my sister-in-law that my brother's body was found. When she was given his belongings, she was surprised to see his Saint Florian necklace, which we had never seen him wear. (He must have put it on only when going to a fire.) He had a couple of dollars in his pocket -- and one penny.

When I relayed this news to my mother, she jumped up and said, "That's my sign! He's at peace." I sometimes wonder if we are just looking for signs, but as time goes on and I speak to other families in our situation, nothing feels coincidental. -- SUZANNE AULETTA, HOWELL, N.J.

DEAR SUZANNE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your beloved brother. He was not only a hero, but also an innocent victim in a war we are committed to win. If the penny brings comfort to your mother, then it has more than served its purpose.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and am engaged to a man I have been with since I was 16. We have lived together for more than six years and have accumulated lots of furniture and household items. I'm beginning to think he is not the right man for me, but fear it will be difficult to leave him. His parents gave us most of our stuff, and I'm afraid if I leave him he will feel he has the right to keep everything they gave us.

I am also having an affair with a married man I work with. He says he loves me but won't leave his wife. In the meantime, I don't want to hurt my fiance, but don't know what to do. Should I tell him the truth about my relationship with the married man? What about the furniture? Does he get to keep it? -- CONFUSED IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR CONFUSED: Don't waste any more time obsessing about the furniture. Tell your fiance the truth -- and the furniture distribution problem will become a lesser priority.

DEAR ABBY: My son's baby monitor is picking up conversations from my neighbor's cordless phone. On more than one occasion, my husband and I have heard my friend "Mary's" husband, "Pete," talking suggestively to a woman late at night. It's obvious it's not Mary he is talking to.

Mary just told me they are selling their home and Pete has asked her for a divorce. He said he "just doesn't want to be married anymore." I feel tremendously guilty over this and am dying to tell Mary that Pete is not as innocent as he's making himself out to be. I want to expose him for who he really is.

Two problems: I don't want to cause Mary any more heartache, and the way we found out is sort of sleazy. I know their divorce is none of my business, but I feel that Mary should know the truth. Should I tell her what I know? -- HEARING "BABY" TALK IN THE BABY'S ROOM

DEAR HEARING "BABY" TALK: The marriage is over. Why protect the guilty? I see no reason to conceal the truth from your neighbor. Tell her that you've been hearing more than baby-talk over the baby monitor -- and that her husband has been having one heck of a party on the party line.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I wish you would run your collection of "pet peeves" again. Seventy years ago I learned to conjugate verbs, and I am amazed at the number of people who use "got" when they should say "have." Thank you. -- MR. J.W. ANDERSON, LEVITTOWN, PA.

P.S. Remember, Abby, "Got has got to go!"

DEAR MR. ANDERSON: It has been nearly 10 years since these rules of basic grammar appeared in my column -- and we can all use this refresher course. Read on:

DEAR READERS: A while back, I wrote a column on the misuse of words and other irritants and named a few. I then asked readers to send their pet peeves concerning common mistakes in grammar and pronunciation. How's this for a collection?

The "lie" and "lay" confusion: To "lay" means to set or put; to "lie" means to recline. Remember, chickens lay eggs. People lie down.

The use of "all are not" when the person means "not all are." Example: Saying, "All women are not beautiful," when one means, "Not all women are beautiful."

We frequently hear "between you and I." Wrong! It's "between you and me." Another irritant is "try and" instead of "try to." For example, one may try to win -- then lose. But how can one try and win -- and then lose?

One hears supposedly educated people say "between she and I" instead of the correct "between her and me."

And how about the word "irregardless"? Just plain "regardless" will do, but regardless of how "irregardless" grates on one's nerves, it has nosed its way into the dictionary. (It means "regardless.")

Talk about overusing a word, I nominate "basically." People who start every other sentence with the word "basically" usually have limited vocabularies.

My pet peeve -- double negatives: "I don't know nothing" and "We don't go nowhere" are the worst offenders.

Some people think the plural of "you" is "youse." It's not. "You" is both singular and plural.

The word "forte" (meaning strong point) is pronounced "fort" -- not for-tay.

Also, people use the word "snuck" instead of "sneaked." Although "snuck" somehow sneaked into the dictionary, it's not used by people who use proper English.

Ask someone to define "hoi polloi," and it's a good bet that he will say "high-tone or upper class." Actually, it means "the masses" -- or the general population.

"Nuclear" is pronounced "nuke-lee-er," not "nuke-you-ler"!

And how about "he's got," "she's got" and "they've got"? The better word is "has." ("He has," "she has," etc.) "Got" has got to go!

The month of February has two "R's" in it, but we keep hearing "Feb-yoo-ary."

We frequently hear that a man has "prostrate" trouble, when actually he has "pros-tate" trouble.

Another error -- using the word "myself" instead of "me." Example: "If you have any questions, see Bobby or myself after the meeting." "See Bobby or me" is correct.

The "infer" and "imply" mix-up: The writer "implies"; the reader "infers." (It's like pitching and catching.)

Please do not say "o" instead of "zero." Or use the word "that" when "who" is correct. ("That" refers to inanimate objects, "who" to people.)

Now, lend me your ear: Don't use "loan" as a verb, as in, "Loan me a 20." It should be, "Lend me a 20." "Loan" is a noun; "lend" is a verb.

Finally, the misuse of the word "ask": Some say "ax" instead of "ask." I would much rather be "asked" than "axed." Wouldn't you?

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)