DEAR ABBY: Our oldest daughter, her husband and infant son have been living with us a little over a year. My mother-in-law, "Helen," lives next door.

Helen is retired, does no volunteer work and has no social life to speak of. The problem is that she spends all her free time at our house.

Her excuse is always to see the baby, but if one of us leaves the room, Helen will spend only a few minutes with the baby, then follow us to whatever room we have escaped to.

I work full-time outside the home, so it's only a weekend problem for me. However, my daughter is home with the baby all day, and my mother-in-law is making her crazy! My son-in-law's day off was today. Helen was at the house a total of three hours by 2 p.m.

My husband won't come out and say he is bothered by his mother's frequent, lengthy visits, but the kids and I have noticed that whenever she comes over, he finds a hideout.

We have gone so far as to ignore Helen's presence as much as possible, but she doesn't take the hint. Abby, please remind the older generation that they need to stay active with people their own age and not expect their children to be their life when their own slows down. -- ANNOYED UP TO HERE, SMALL TOWN, TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED: You haven't mentioned your mother-in-law's age, but she may have a fear of being alone. If she hasn't had a recent medical examination, she should be evaluated physically and mentally to determine if there is a problem.

If Helen is healthy, then you and your husband should make an effort to socialize her with people her own age. Investigate senior centers in your area and low-cost transportation to get her there. We all need activities outside the home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for eight months, but I still haven't sent out my thank-yous for our wedding gifts. I lost the list of "who got what" for us, and I don't want everyone to know how careless I am.

Some family members have asked if we are still married because they haven't received their thank-yous. Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to fix this awkward situation? -- EMBARRASSED BRIDE IN OHIO

DEAR EMBARRASSED BRIDE: Call the people and level with them. Ask what they gave you and then write those thank-you notes. They don't have to be long, flowery or fancy.

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Mother Under Pressure" to allow her 10-year-old daughter to begin shaving her legs, and I wholeheartedly agree.

I faced the same dilemma with my then 9-year-old girl. She begged me to let her shave her legs. I pitched a fit and fussed and fumed. Each time she pleaded, I refused her.

My daughter is now 22 and has gone from almost dying from anorexia to drug addiction. How I wish I had her precious childhood years back again. My advice to "Mother Under Pressure" is this: DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF! -- REGRETFUL MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOM: Well said. A wise parent knows how to pick her (or his) battles. I hope your daughter is soon on the road to recovery.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks ago, my friend "Shannon" came over with her children for a play date. As she backed out of my driveway, she accidentally hit my mailbox. She was very shaken up at the time. I was more concerned that no one was injured because my mailbox is set into a large concrete post and Shannon's car was damaged. She promised she'd "take care of it." I told her to drive home safely; we'd discuss it another time.

My husband, who is not fond of this couple and vice versa, said I should have filed a police report, given the cost of the damage was $350. I told him I didn't think it was necessary because Shannon had promised to take care of it.

Two weeks went by; she never called. Because of my husband's dislike for her, the situation escalated into a daily argument at my house.

When I finally called her, Shannon informed me she wasn't interested in spending money on my mailbox and didn't understand what I needed a $350 mailbox for.

My husband called her husband the following day to ask why he and his wife thought they were not responsible. The husband said, "Your friendship isn't worth $350. A friend would never ask a friend for the money. I'll send you $150 and don't ever call us again."

A short while later, Shannon called me screaming, "How dare your husband call mine at work? I'll send you the $150, and I'm never speaking to you again!" Then she hung up on me.

I'm so hurt. I thought these people were friends. Was I wrong to expect them to pay for the damage? Was my husband out of line to try and discuss this with them? Aren't they responsible?

My husband wants to sue them in small claims court. Her husband even told mine to go ahead and try. I don't want to drag myself through it.

Your thoughts, please. -- HURT IN CORAL SPRINGS, FLA.

DEAR HURT: Regardless of what you thought, the couple were not only not friends, they are also seriously lacking in character. Mature and responsible people live up to their obligations. Since you heard nothing from Shannon for two weeks, your husband was within his rights to follow up by calling hers.

Small claims court is there for just the kind of dispute that you have described. I see no reason to let these people get away with it. The friendship is over anyway. Why should you be out the money, too?

DEAR Abby: This is for "Name Caller in Texas," who didn't know how to address her stepparent during introductions.

When my husband's son began to introduce me to his new college housemates, he became embarrassed and blurted out, "What do I call you anyway?"

I quickly replied, "Why, Wicked Stepmother, of course!" Said with a smile, it works every time! -- SHELAGH M'GONIGLE, OTTAWA, ONTARIO

DEAR SHELAGH: You are blessed with a wicked sense of humor. I'm sure it was appreciated by all.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I want to respond to "Hurt and Mad in Okemos, Mich.," who wants to sue her boyfriend, "Mack," for giving her a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

It sounds like she may have HPV (human papilloma virus), responsible for most abnormal Pap smears. The HPV is often microscopic on the cervix and the penis. With good gynecologic treatment and follow-up, "Hurt and Mad" could expect a favorable long-term response.

Mack may well be truthful when he says that he did not know he had an STD. I tell my patients that until they are willing to wear a wedding ring, they should use a condom. This includes women who are on birth control pills.

Thanks for allowing me to help, Abby. -- FRANK E. OLIVER, M.D., DALLAS

DEAR DR. OLIVER: Thank you for volunteering. Although condoms do not provide 100 percent protection against sexually transmitted diseases, they are far better than nothing at all.

DEAR ABBY: As an OB/GYN advice nurse, I address many concerns about STDs. It is estimated that more than one in 10 adults have the HPV virus. Once this virus is contracted, it never goes away.

The warts that the HPV causes may come and go. It is difficult to determine who transmitted the virus because the incubation period may be more than a year. Also, the first outbreak may be mild and go unnoticed. Often a male gets the warts behind his scrotum where they can go undetected for a long period of time. Thus, this virus may be spread innocently.

The most worrisome fact about HPV is that it is spread by skin-to-skin contact. This means a condom will not necessarily protect one from this sexually transmitted disease. There is no cure, but the warts may be removed when outbreaks occur.

Genital herpes is another virus that is spread by skin-to-skin contact. No condom will help if the lesions are not covered completely by the condom. It is important to know that a cold sore on the mouth is also the herpes virus. During oral sex this virus can spread to the genitals and vice versa.

In the heat of the moment, all rational thought tends to go out the window. Not only teen-agers, but adults as well should be aware of what the consequences may be.

Insisting on a complete physical exam for a new partner before beginning a sexual relationship -- and getting the result in writing -- is really the only safe sex. -- MYRENE GROSCOST-RANTA, R.N., WESTLAKE, OHIO

DEAR MYRENE: That's true. And individuals who are not assertive enough to insist on it should abstain from having sex. To do otherwise is to play "STD roulette."

DEAR ABBY: I have a warning. Digital microwave ovens are dangerous for memory-impaired people.

My elderly mother punched in what she thought was 8 minutes. She actually hit the 8 twice -- 88 minutes, and then dozed off.

The microwave was seared and the food turned to dust. It could have caused a terrible tragedy.

I immediately removed the microwave and bought one with a 30-minute dial timer. They are less expensive and much safer. Digital timers can be confusing. Elderly people are more familiar with dials. Thanks for letting me tell my story. -- ANDREA GOWEN, SEAL BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR ANDREA: I'm glad you did. Your letter may avert a tragedy.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)