DEAR ABBY: I want to respond to "Hurt and Mad in Okemos, Mich.," who wants to sue her boyfriend, "Mack," for giving her a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

It sounds like she may have HPV (human papilloma virus), responsible for most abnormal Pap smears. The HPV is often microscopic on the cervix and the penis. With good gynecologic treatment and follow-up, "Hurt and Mad" could expect a favorable long-term response.

Mack may well be truthful when he says that he did not know he had an STD. I tell my patients that until they are willing to wear a wedding ring, they should use a condom. This includes women who are on birth control pills.

Thanks for allowing me to help, Abby. -- FRANK E. OLIVER, M.D., DALLAS

DEAR DR. OLIVER: Thank you for volunteering. Although condoms do not provide 100 percent protection against sexually transmitted diseases, they are far better than nothing at all.

DEAR ABBY: As an OB/GYN advice nurse, I address many concerns about STDs. It is estimated that more than one in 10 adults have the HPV virus. Once this virus is contracted, it never goes away.

The warts that the HPV causes may come and go. It is difficult to determine who transmitted the virus because the incubation period may be more than a year. Also, the first outbreak may be mild and go unnoticed. Often a male gets the warts behind his scrotum where they can go undetected for a long period of time. Thus, this virus may be spread innocently.

The most worrisome fact about HPV is that it is spread by skin-to-skin contact. This means a condom will not necessarily protect one from this sexually transmitted disease. There is no cure, but the warts may be removed when outbreaks occur.

Genital herpes is another virus that is spread by skin-to-skin contact. No condom will help if the lesions are not covered completely by the condom. It is important to know that a cold sore on the mouth is also the herpes virus. During oral sex this virus can spread to the genitals and vice versa.

In the heat of the moment, all rational thought tends to go out the window. Not only teen-agers, but adults as well should be aware of what the consequences may be.

Insisting on a complete physical exam for a new partner before beginning a sexual relationship -- and getting the result in writing -- is really the only safe sex. -- MYRENE GROSCOST-RANTA, R.N., WESTLAKE, OHIO

DEAR MYRENE: That's true. And individuals who are not assertive enough to insist on it should abstain from having sex. To do otherwise is to play "STD roulette."

DEAR ABBY: I have a warning. Digital microwave ovens are dangerous for memory-impaired people.

My elderly mother punched in what she thought was 8 minutes. She actually hit the 8 twice -- 88 minutes, and then dozed off.

The microwave was seared and the food turned to dust. It could have caused a terrible tragedy.

I immediately removed the microwave and bought one with a 30-minute dial timer. They are less expensive and much safer. Digital timers can be confusing. Elderly people are more familiar with dials. Thanks for letting me tell my story. -- ANDREA GOWEN, SEAL BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR ANDREA: I'm glad you did. Your letter may avert a tragedy.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A senior girl at my school was tragically killed in a car accident over Super Bowl weekend. She wasn't wearing her seatbelt and was thrown from the car. The car rolled on top of her and crushed her. Her boyfriend was with her. I heard that before she died, he took her hand and she told him she loved him. It just blew me away. My cousin was killed a year ago in much the same way.

My family has read your articles for years, but one touched us deeply. It was an essay about a teen who was killed in a car accident, and he was only 17. I am only 17 and so was the girl who died. Please print it again to remind us of the fact that we're only mortal and should cherish every waking day. -- BARRY W. IN KENNEWICK, WASH.

DEAR BARRY: That piece is titled, "Please God, I'm Only 17," and it's the most requested piece in the history of the column. Young people have written to me to confirm that it made them think twice about their driving habits and encouraged them to be careful. You are right; it should run at least once a year, so here it is:

PLEASE GOD, I'M ONLY 17

The day I died was an ordinary school day. How I wish I had taken the bus. But I was too cool for the bus. I remember how I wheedled the car out of Mom. "Special favor," I pleaded. "All the kids drive."

When the 2:50 bell rang, I threw all my books in the locker. I was free until 8:40 tomorrow morning! I ran to the parking lot, excited at the thought of driving a car and being my own boss. Free!

It doesn't matter how the accident happened. I was goofing off -- going too fast -- taking crazy chances. But I was enjoying my freedom and having fun. The last thing I remember was passing an old lady who seemed to be going awfully slow. I heard the deafening crash and felt a terrible jolt. Glass and steel flew everywhere. My whole body seemed to be turning inside out. I heard myself scream.

Suddenly I awakened; it was very quiet. A police officer was standing over me. Then I saw a doctor. My body was mangled. I was saturated with blood. Pieces of jagged glass were sticking out all over. Strange that I couldn't feel anything.

Hey, don't pull that sheet over my head! I can't be dead. I'm only 17. I've got a date tonight. I'm supposed to grow up and have a wonderful life. I haven't lived yet. I can't be dead!

Later I was placed in a drawer. My folks had to identify me. Why did they have to see me like this? Why did I have to look at Mom's eyes when she faced the most terrible ordeal of her life? Dad suddenly looked like an old man. He told the man in charge, "Yes, he is my son."

The funeral was a weird experience. I saw all my relatives and friends walk toward the casket. They passed by, one by one, and looked at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. Some of my buddies were crying. A few of the girls touched my hand and sobbed as they walked away.

Please -- somebody -- wake me up! Get me out of here! I can't bear to see my mom and dad so broken up. My grandparents are so racked with grief they can hardly walk. My brothers and sisters are like zombies. They move like robots. In a daze, everybody. No one can believe this. And I can't believe it, either.

Please don't bury me! I'm not dead! I have a lot of living to do! I want to laugh and run again. I want to sing and dance. Please don't put me in the ground. I promise if you give me one more chance, God, I'll be the most careful driver in the whole world. All I want is one more chance!

Please, God, I'm only 17!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I thoroughly agree with you and "Veteran School Secretary" regarding the critical importance of teachers in our country. It is vital to our future that we recruit and retain the best of the best for our children, and it doesn't matter if they come straight to teaching from a university or they pursue another career first. The point is to get them together with our kids.

There is one point that needs to be made, however, regarding those who come to teaching from other employment. In 14 states, those who begin to teach after earning Social Security retirement benefits will be penalized upon retirement. Their Social Security benefits will be reduced solely because they have paid into another retirement system, such as the California State Teachers' Retirement System. Paying into Social Security and to CalSTRS are both requirements of employment; therefore, to penalize a retiring teacher by reducing an earned benefit is grossly unfair. Moreover, the Social Security system does not warn educators of this penalty before retirement; educators retire expecting the amount predicted by Social Security, only to find it reduced by up to 60 percent.

Educators in Alaska, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Nevada, Louisiana, Georgia, Kentucky, Missouri, Illinois, Ohio, Massachusetts, Maine and Texas are affected by this inequity.

Our association and others throughout the country are working to change this unfair and discriminatory practice. Companion bills SB1523 and HR 2638 would correct this problem, and I would urge people to write to their representatives asking their support. Until there is change, those contemplating a second career in education should be made aware that they may be punished for their interest in the youth of America. -- SUSAN GOFF, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, CALIFORNIA RETIRED TEACHERS ASSOCIATION

DEAR SUSAN: Thank you for the warning. I, too, would urge concerned parents of school-age children to let their representatives know how they feel about this inequity. We need the best people teaching our children, and nothing should stand in their way.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was in elementary school. My father remarried seven years later. By then I was in high school. My stepmother and I were not close, but she was good to Dad and that was the most important thing.

My father passed away two years ago at the age of 76, after 26 years of marriage. Although my stepmother and I had limited contact in the months that followed, we don't anymore. I have even stopped sending her birthday and Mother's Day cards.

Can you enlighten me on the proper etiquette for sending her cards or letters on her special days? I should mention she has children of her own from a previous marriage. Please guide me in the right direction on this. -- OUT OF TOUCH IN CLEVELAND

DEAR OUT OF TOUCH: The sagest advice I can offer regarding sending cards or letters to your stepmother on her special days is this: Follow your heart. She made your father happy, and you are obviously aware of the special occasions. Send her good wishes and you'll never feel guilty.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)