DEAR ABBY: I am confused and don't know where to turn. I became engaged several months ago to a man I have lived with for more than a year. My fiance has known for several years that I chose to remain childless because I spent most of my youth raising my siblings. We try to take an active role in the lives of our nieces and nephews and have recently become godparents.

With the wedding date fast approaching, my fiance has become more and more vocal about his desire to adopt children. He says it would give him the focus he needs in life. It is my opinion that if my fiance feels this strongly about raising children, we should end our engagement, and he should find a woman who shares his dream. I have communicated this to him many times, but he insists he wants to marry me even if it means no children. Should or shouldn't I marry this man? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: You and your fiance share a different view of what your marriage should hold. If you marry, one of you is bound to feel cheated. No one who doesn't sincerely want to be a parent should adopt a child. It is unfair to the child. In my opinion, you both would be happier in the long run if you found more compatible spouses, but only you can make that decision.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old sister has been sent to prison for six months. Her ex-husband was sent to a penitentiary a year ago and won't be getting out anytime soon. Their 17-year-old son is in a detention home. The only one left is my 7-year-old niece, "Patty." She is living with me and my three children. My sister asked that Patty not be told her mother is doing time.

Abby, all Patty does is draw pictures of her mother, father and brother. She won't eat and stares into space, wondering when her family will return.

My children and I try to keep Patty occupied, but the sadness in her eyes is breaking our hearts. Do you think we should tell Patty that her mother is in prison? What can we do to ease her pain? -- WORRIED AUNT IN SANDUSKY, OHIO

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Patty should be told as much of the truth as is appropriate for a child her age. And she should be encouraged to write to her mommy, daddy and brother, and include her artwork. Her pain will be greatly eased once she understands that her family still loves her and will not be gone forever.

DEAR ABBY: When my 13-year-old daughter, Kimmie, was little, there was a lot of competition between her two grandmothers. My mother liked to buy her clothes and my husband's mom liked to buy her books.

We called them the Director of Fashion and the Director of Education! -- BONNIE IN ENCINO, CALIF.

DEAR BONNIE: I find it heartwarming that so many grandparents pass along their passions to their grandchildren by sharing those interests and enthusiasms. And because of that, in a sense, they live on long after they have passed on.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: In the past, you have printed letters from men who have been physically abused by their wives. We want to thank you for helping to make the public aware of this aspect of domestic violence. Male victims of domestic violence face grave difficulties. Chief among them is having few places to turn for information and help.

One of the first things these men need to know is that they are not alone. A national survey funded by the Centers for Disease Control found that nearly 40 percent of all domestic violence victims -– or 835,000 men a year –- are physically abused by their intimate partners.

SAFE (Stop Abuse for Everyone) has a Web site where male victims (straight and gay) and lesbian women can share their stories with others. It is www.safe4all.org. The Web site lists services that are sympathetic to this underserved population, as well as a number of highly qualified professionals ready to provide training to law enforcement, health-care providers, social service, crisis lines, etc. in how to identify, support and properly refer male victims of domestic violence.

SAFE also provides a brochure for male victims and their concerned family and friends. It identifies domestic violence, lists typical reactions and provides specific advice.

Anyone wishing a copy of this brochure should send a self-addressed, stamped envelope along with a $1 suggested donation to SAFE-Male Victims Brochure, P.O. Box 951, Tualatin, OR 97062. SAFE is a 501(c)3 charitable organization and donations are tax-deductible. -- PHILIP COOK, NATIONAL VICE-CHAIR, SAFE

DEAR PHILIP: Thank you for your important letter. The complex problem of domestic violence will not be resolved until government, private agencies and the public become aware that domestic violence is not a gender issue -– but a human one.

My mail tells me that not all law enforcement agencies are sensitive to the issues concerning female-to-male abuse. I am pleased your organization is providing training to law enforcement for this ugly, often ignored problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married in June and have no one to walk me down the aisle. My father is deceased, and I have no brothers or male family members who can escort me.

This isn't so much a problem for myself as it is for my mother. She insists it would be "horrific" (her word) if I go it alone –- which is exactly what I want to do!

What do you think, Abby? Would it be acceptable for me to walk down the aisle solo? I have been reading your column since I was little, and I'm eager for your opinion. -- READY TO GO IT ALONE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR READY: Some women ask their mothers to escort them down the aisle when there is no male relative available. Others ask a respected male friend to do it, or walk down the aisle alone and "give themselves away" as a feminist statement.

Do as you wish, dear. It's your wedding and your decision.

CONFIDENTIAL TO FEELING UNAPPRECIATED IN RANDOLPH, NEB.: Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out who was responsible.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: It looks like the laugh is on me. Months ago, while reading your column in the morning paper, my husband and I had quite a laugh about the 90-year-old woman who recycled everything and found an unusual use for the "panty" part of control-top pantyhose. She said she used them "to keep her 90-year-old breasts under control." (She'd cut off the legs, cut out the crotch and wear the remainder like a strapless bra.)

A couple of weeks after that letter appeared, I broke a rib in a horseback riding accident. Aside from the pain and shortness of breath involved, I couldn't wear a bra without great discomfort. I tried every bra on the market to no avail. Being well-endowed, going braless was out of the question. I may not be 90, but I'm no teen-ager.

Thanks to that letter, I was able to return to work without embarrassment and in relative comfort while mending. I salute that woman and you, Abby, for letting the world know. You provided a workable, economical answer for both men and women in similar situations. Broken ribs, breast surgeries, you name it. When you need light support without binding, THIS WORKS. -- GRATEFUL AND NO LONGER LAUGHING IN OREGON

DEAR GRATEFUL: Thanks for the testimonial. Recycled pantyhose can be a godsend in more than one kind of "medical emergency." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Not everyone will have a use for this, but it is a solution for the person with a mastectomy who wears a breast enhancer in the bra.

The breast form is slick, and it can be very embarrassing if the bra is a little loose and the form slides out and drops to the floor. This happened to me twice.

I took a clean knee-high nylon, slipped it over the form, and folded the top across to make a little more filler for the bra. After that, I had no more worries. It was the perfect solution for me. -- ANOTHER RECYCLER, SUGAR CREEK, MO.

DEAR RECYCLER: Bless you for sharing your solution, and bless the inventor of nylons and pantyhose. Something tells me there may be a run on both.

DEAR ABBY: While we're on the subject of pantyhose, here's my experience:

I was driving down the highway in the 1950s with my fiancee by my side, when she decided to look into my glove box. Much to her surprise, she found several nylon hose of various shades.

I assured her that, since I was a painter, I carried them with me to use as paint strainers. I would cut off a section and tie a knot at one end.

After 60 years in the painting business, I still carry hose in the glove box of my truck. You never know when they'll come in handy. -- CLEAN-CUT PAINTER IN SHERIDAN, WYO.

DEAR CLEAN-CUT PAINTER: That's for sure! I've been known to carry an extra pair of "sheers" in my purse in case I snag the ones I'm wearing, which never fails to happen when I'm determined to look my best.

DEAR ABBY: Last fall my doctor prescribed a splint for my wrist; however, it had Velcro fasteners that caught on the sleeves of my fleece jackets.

I cut off one leg of some old pantyhose, cut a hole for fingers and a thumb, and pulled it up over the splint. Presto! No more problems. -- IMOGENE KANE, AVA, MO.

DEAR IMOGENE: Very clever. I've also known doctors to prescribe a sock or the leg of hose be used over a cast or splint to protect it from becoming soiled.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)