DEAR ABBY: After reading "Used in Jonesboro, Tenn.," about the woman who married a man who had lied about his past, I feel compelled to share my story.

I, too, asked all the right questions. Here's what I later found out:

His first wife left him and got the child he didn't care about. The second wife, who gave him two children, got a thousand bucks and an old car when he decided it was time for wife No. 3. Wife No. 3 left when it was time for wife No. 4. He sold the house she had paid for from her previous husband's life insurance. Wife No. 4 got nothing except the joy of meeting wife No. 5. Wife No. 5 is now deep in credit card debt and will have to work a long time because her retirement money is missing. Wife No. 6 (me) lost not only retirement money, but a house and car that were paid for. It was his turn to make the car payment, and he let it be repossessed. (He did, however, "find" the money to make the payment on his pickup.)

There's a lot more misery I could share, but it would curl your hair. -- USED UP IN TEXAS

DEAR USED UP IN TEXAS: I believe you. If it's any comfort, you're not alone. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a male relative who has been legally married and divorced 13 times. He is in his 50s, has three college degrees and is very charming.

I've met many of his wives. What amazes me is how gullible they are. They are lonely, Christian women who believe everything he says. What seems to trip them up is that he immediately offers marriage, and they see this as the ultimate commitment. Ha! When they do start asking questions, he leaves them saddled with huge debts and takes off. -- STUNNED OBSERVER

DEAR STUNNED: Why are you stunned? A common denominator with sociopaths is their abundance of charm. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Ten years after my divorce, I decided it was time to start dating again. I met a nice man. We dated steadily, sharing our life stories as we went. However, early on I caught an inconsistency in his marriage history, so I decided to check him out.

Marriage, divorce and property transactions are all public records, so a trip to my county courthouse was all I needed. I discovered he had been married not once, not twice, but at least five times.

I also learned that he did not own the home he claimed was his. There's no telling what other lies I would have uncovered had I kept looking. It gave me great satisfaction to tell this guy in no uncertain terms that he'd been "busted."

Later, I began dating another man. Once again, he and I shared our life stories, and I wasted no time in visiting the courthouse. The people who worked at the courthouse were most helpful. They directed me to the proper offices and helped me find the information I was looking for. Abby, every detail was exactly as he told me. Eventually we married, and we share a happy life.

At first he was offended that I had checked out his story. To this day, he teases me about it. But I'm proud that I went into our marriage with my eyes wide open, and I encourage everyone to do the same by taking advantage of public records. -- SMART IN CINCINNATI

DEAR SMART: Good for you! Public records can eliminate not only private pain but public embarrassment.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in a few months. When he asks me what I want, how do I hint to him that I'd like a modest engagement ring without having to come right out with it? I have never had one, and I have never taken off my wedding band during our entire marriage. In fact, I have never worn another ring on my hands out of respect for my wedding band. I would like a small "sparkler" to go along with it, but I'm embarrassed to tell him. It seems almost greedy.

Although we probably should keep all our savings for retirement, we could be frivolous and spend several hundred dollars without breaking the bank. I have put jewelry ads where he can see them, but he doesn't notice them. -- SEEKING A SUBTLE SUGGESTION IN FLORIDA

DEAR SEEKING: Your husband isn't a mind reader, and if you expect him to pick up on a hint, you're taking a big gamble. When he asks what you want for your 25th anniversary, tell him the truth. Tell him you would like a tasteful, sparkling diamond ring to add to your wedding band -- to symbolize the jewel of a man you married so many happy years ago. It's the truth, and I hope it has the desired result.

DEAR ABBY: Back in 1993, I was in ninth grade attending high school in northern Delaware. I was a shy kid and somewhat depressed. I never had much to say, nor felt my opinions mattered.

One day in math class, the teacher called on me to answer a math problem. Out of the blue, a boy who sat several rows away said out loud, "You should talk more. You have a nice voice." I was in shock -- in a good way! Someone had given me a compliment!

It was, and still is, one of the nicest compliments I've ever received. It made me feel valued. I still smile whenever I think of it.

If that young man happens to read this, I thank him from the bottom of my heart. -- STEPHANIE IN DELAWARE

DEAR STEPHANIE: I'm pleased to pass along your message. A simple compliment can change a life. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My 99-year-old aunt gave me this poem. It was written by my grandmother, Cecile Harris, who was born in 1868. I call it "Grandma's Words of Wisdom."

For some kind word I do not say

A heart goes lonely on its way.

Those words of praise I do not speak

May make another's courage weak.

My friendly thought I do not share

May leave another in despair.

The words that burn, the hurt that sears

May live to haunt me through the years.

What loads I lift, what joy I spread

May live long after I am dead.

My grandma was a wonderful lady. I can recall no unkind comment she ever made. -- BONNIE THOMA, YUBA CITY, CALIF.

DEAR BONNIE: Your grandmother not only had a way with words, she was a wise woman.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a librarian in a medium-sized public library, and I'm losing my patience about one particular issue.

Parents who wouldn't dream of dropping off their 5- and 7-year-olds at the mall or grocery store bring their youngsters to the library and let them roam freely throughout the building with no supervision, or drop them off to fend for themselves while Mom and Dad go shopping or run errands.

To those negligent parents, I want to yell: The public library is not a "safe place" to leave your child unattended! Libraries are public buildings; anyone off the street can enter. I know of at least one convicted child molester who is a regular user of this branch, and there are probably more that we don't know about.

Public libraries are a popular choice for child molesters and "peepers" to frequent and search for victims. Parents, please do not leave your little ones alone at the library. We librarians have jobs to do, and although we care deeply about the safety of your children, we are not baby sitters.

Thank you for helping me get the message out, Abby. -- CONCERNED LIBRARIAN, ANYTOWN, U.S.A.

DEAR LIBRARIAN: You're welcome. It's hard to imagine a parent who is so irresponsible as to take a small child to a public place and leave him or her unsupervised. That said, if I were the concerned librarian, I would contact the local police and notify them that a child has been abandoned on the premises.

DEAR ABBY: We are Mothers of the Military. Our sons and daughters are the Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy, Coast Guard, Reserves and National Guard going into Afghanistan to protect our freedom. They are fighter pilots who drop bombs on the Taliban and protect the skies here at home, Navy cooks on the ships, infantry here and abroad, and the Coast Guard protecting our shores. They have many jobs, from private or seaman to general or admiral. All branches and all ranks are equally important; they are our sons and daughters.

During this time of uncertainty, we support each other in person and on the Internet. We laugh and cry together and know that there is always someone who shares our fears and joys. If you have never sent a child to war, it is hard to imagine either the cold terror that you feel or the joy at seeing them come home.

Our slogan is, "As one we are weak, together we are STRONG." We help anyone who has family in the military by networking them with others in their areas or finding someone for them to write to. There is almost always someone online on the Internet site, and we have chat rooms nightly. We would like to invite any who wish to join us -- and that includes fathers, siblings, grandparents, anyone!

Thank you, Abby, for sharing our cause with others. -- ETTA LOVE, MOTHERS OF THE MILITARY

DEAR ETTA AND OTHER MOTHERS OF THE MILITARY: I wish you success in your support effort. Although I have never sent a child off to war, I empathize with the stress all family members feel when they send someone they love into danger -- regardless of how noble the cause.

Readers, Mothers of the Military (MOM) can be reached via the Internet at www.mothersofthemilitary.com or e-mailed at mothersofthemil@aol.com. Those who do not have computers can write the organization at P.O. Box 65015, Lubbock, Texas 79464.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)