DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Jay" for four months. When I met him, he gave me his cell phone number. He said he doesn't have a home phone.

He won't tell me where he lives because his "ex-woman" stalks him, is dangerous, and he doesn't want her to cause me any problems. He says she has access to his apartment. (The apartment is in her name.)

I care a lot for Jay and don't want to lose him. He has keys to my house and knows my home and work numbers. I've kept no secrets from him, but I suspect he is still involved in a relationship, and that's why he doesn't want me to know where he lives. Should I continue to trust Jay, or do you think he is deceiving me? -- FEELING HURT IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR FEELING HURT: I think he's deceiving you. Everything you have written about him indicates he's still involved with someone else and probably living with her. My advice is to change your locks and home phone number, and if he calls you at work, be unavailable.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old female and have been repairing computers for two years. I thoroughly enjoy it. However, the field is dominated by men, and I have a problem.

My boss doesn't take me seriously. He will put a malfunctioning computer in front of me; I will test it and tell him what I think is wrong with it. Abby, he always disagrees with me.

When he puts the same computer in front of one of his male techs and they will tell him the same thing, he always agrees with them.

I think it's time he gave me credit where credit is due. Is there anything I can do to change my boss's behavior, or should I consider moving on? -- FRUSTRATED GEORGIA TECH

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You're not going to change a member of the old boys' club. Consider moving on, but not until you've found something equally good or better. Now that you have experience, I'm sure there are plenty of job opportunities for a tech with your diagnostic skills.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Gerald" for more than 50 years. He is a wonderful husband and a splendid father. He still showers me with affection: kisses me good morning and good night, calls me from the office at least once a day, is a great provider, never argues about money -- essentially I can do anything I want. In addition, Gerald is an attentive and highly competent lover.

Throughout the year, Gerald gives me presents -- flowers, candy, things for the house, etc. However, he never gives me presents for my birthday, our anniversary or Hanukkah. I receive only a card and a hug.

I don't like it, Abby. When I tell him how I feel, he just smiles, gives me a hug and a kiss, and says, "Honey, that's not my thing." Nothing I say or do convinces him to change. Any suggestions? -- PATRICIA IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR PATRICIA: If after 50 years of marriage this is his only fault, consider yourself a very lucky woman. Develop a sense of humor. Go shopping for holiday gifts for yourself. Show them to him and say, "This is from you. Thanks, Honey."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: You were a little rough on "Tom" in your reply to "The Office Gang," the letter about the female trucker who kept coming on to the only man in the office. You implied he was like a little boy who lacked courage. I must disagree with you. Take it from one who knows: I've been in Tom's predicament more than once.

In the workplace when a woman is interested in a man, she usually lets him know discreetly. They can then proceed with a relationship if they're both interested, or quietly let it go. Then there's the occasional woman who won't take no for an answer. What starts as a nice ego boost can turn unpleasant in a hurry.

We men are taught from an early age to respect women and not show aggression toward them. Persistent females who show sexual aggression when we're not interested present males with a real problem.

I think Tom is trying his best to defuse a delicate situation. He wants this woman to back off, but he also wants to be polite and not cause problems for himself, the woman or his co-workers. He is not being a coward, Abby -- he's trying to handle the situation with the least amount of fallout. Give the guy a break, huh? -- BEEN THERE IN ALABAMA

DEAR BEEN THERE: If I gave the impression that I thought the man was a "wuss," I apologize. However, an aggressive woman with romance on her mind is not likely to give up if the target of her affection sits there and says nothing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I loved the story about the female truck driver who couldn't keep her hands off the only man in the office. I had the same experience.

During World War II, I worked for a wholesale company, and my department handled government business. The woman in charge of sorting the mail would put mine aside so she could deliver it personally.

There were four women in my department, and the mail sorter would wait until they were away from their desks to bring my mail to me. She would slowly bend over my shoulder from behind and plop one of her breasts on my shoulder while she kissed my ear!

This routine went on for some time, until I finally discussed it with my staff. They devised a plan: They had me take off my coat, then they stuck straight pins up through the shoulder pads. When they thought it was time for this gal to deliver my mail, they all trooped off to the washroom.

Sure enough, she sneaked up behind me, slowly bent over and -- plop (ouch!). Abby, she never did it again.

Of course, the ladies were watching what went on from the washroom. When they finally returned, their faces were flushed from laughing. -- ART ROLLINS, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR ART: You got your point across. I'll bet she was sorry she tried to make a boob out of you.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother is being married at the end of May. He has asked me to be his best man. What are the guidelines for giving a "best man speech"? -- I WANT TO BE THE BEST BEST MAN

DEAR BEST MAN: It should be a short state of the union speech. Save the inside jokes and naughty comments for the bachelor party. At the wedding, congratulate the couple, offer a couple of G-rated compliments, raise your glass, and wish them a lifetime of happiness together.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I read with great empathy the series of letters that began with "Frustrated Wife," who was overweight and whose husband had moved to another bedroom.

"Cindy in Arizona" wrote, "If he really loved his wife he would urge her to go to counseling with him and go to a diet clinic with her, where he could learn to support her needs." Then "Rebecca in New Orleans" wrote, "The husband was not justified in withholding sex." You replied with some realistic points about obesity as an important health issue.

On Sept. 1, 2000, my wife of 20 years died in her sleep of a fatal arrhythmia. "Reba" was 49 years old, the doting mother of two teen-aged boys, and possibly as much as 150 pounds overweight. It was something she battled all her life, and it eventually killed her.

Compulsive eating is an insidious and complex problem, and any family member living with a compulsive eater deserves the benefit of the doubt. Through the years, I tried to support Reba through many diets, exercise programs, support groups and counselors. The end result was that I was failing along with her and getting sucked into her illness. I also lost all trust in her.

Four years of Al-Anon taught me to detach myself from the sickness while loving my wife. It also taught me to stand up for myself in certain areas. Joining Al-Anon may be the best thing "Frustrated Wife's" husband can do for himself and for her.

Of course, no one is justified in withholding sex. However, no one should feel compelled to have sex, either. There were times when I simply couldn't do it, and I'm not going to apologize to anyone for it. Reba was a wonderful woman, but I had to learn all over again to be attracted to her. We were lucky in that the bonds of our relationship went deeper than most. But I'm not going to judge anyone whose marriage may not have as much going for it as ours did.

I wish I had some answers for the problem of compulsive eating. Reba worked hard to accept herself as a good person, regardless of her weight. But she resisted taking the next step, which would have been treating her obesity as a health issue. Possibly, she simply wasn't ready to and ran out of time. However, it doesn't change the end result: two motherless children and a bewildered husband who can't quite comprehend what has happened to his life and who still halfway expects her to come home one day.

So, please keep preaching, Abby. This is not a matter of learning fat acceptance -- it's a matter of life and death. -- DWIGHT IN WYOMING

DEAR DWIGHT: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the untimely loss of your beloved wife. Since that series of letters ran, you wouldn't believe the irate letters I have received from people who felt I had personally insulted or ridiculed them. Your letter illustrates the importance of taking care of our health.

Sometimes the problem isn't so much what we're eating as what's eating us. I hope the people who read this will realize it was written because I care about them.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Forgiveness is freeing -- for yourself as well as for others. It frees you from carrying the burden of past resentments. It allows you to release the past so that all your energy can be fully available for the present. Forgiveness is the ultimate gift you can give yourself. (Author unknown)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)