DEAR ABBY: Here's one I've never seen in your column. I am a stay-at-home mom with two kids, a 5-year-old and a nursing 7-month-old. My husband provides for us. In return, I do all the child care, housekeeping, cooking, dishes, bill-paying, laundry, etc., and other things as they come up. We have a large, five-bedroom, four-bath house.

Needless to say, at the end of the day I am exhausted, and in 24 hours the house is a mess again. I feel more like a mother of three than a wife. I pick up his used tissues (he has allergies and leaves them around the house), used dental floss, empty beer bottles, food scraps, etc. I get grossed out, but he says it's part of my job.

Right now I'm looking at the kitchen table, and his dirty dishes, hot sauce and salad dressing are still there from last night. Apparently the "waitress" fell asleep with the kids.

At what point does a wife draw the line in picking up after the husband? Are husbands today responsible for any housework if the wife stays at home with the kids? –- INDENTURED SERVANT

DEAR INDENTURED SERVANT: Apparently you married a man whose mother waited on him hand and foot, and he expects his wife to do the same. He's a big boy now, and he should be ashamed of himself. There is no excuse for a grown man not to pick up his own garbage –- and that includes tissues and dental floss. There is also no reason why he cannot help set and clear a table.

Many husbands today pitch in to help with household chores -– it's called partnership.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother was married to "Ellie" for 17 years. She was a wonderful woman. They had two great kids. Ellie always treated his parents and siblings with respect. Sadly, they were not as nice to her. In spite of it, she considered them her family.

When Ellie finally decided to divorce my brother-in-law, after years of emotional and verbal abuse by him and his parents, it was a gut-wrenching decision.

Although Ellie and my brother-in-law continued living together for more than a year while their divorce was pending, my in-laws cut off all contact with her. They removed her pictures from the walls of their home, "uninvited" her to a family wedding for which she had already attended the bridal shower, and never once asked her children (their grandchildren) about her. It was as if Ellie never existed. She was very hurt, but never bad-mouthed any of them to her kids.

Shortly after the divorce was final, my brother-in-law died in a car accident at the age of 47. Ellie's children, now 13 and 11, no longer want anything to do with their grandparents. They feel very angry about the way their mother was treated. Ellie has told them she would like them to have a relationship with their dad's family, but will not force them.

Who should make the first move, Abby? –- SISTER-IN-LAW ON THE SIDELINES

DEAR SISTER-IN-LAW: If you have a relationship with the grandparents, urge them to apologize to Ellie for the way they treated her. However, truthfully, it may be too late to make amends. Children can smell hypocrisy a mile away.

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DEAR ABBY: I was going through my grandmother's Bible and found this old column of yours tucked between the pages. It is yellowed with age, but I laughed aloud when I read it. I had no idea that Grandma read your column. I thought you might like to print it again so others may enjoy it as I did. -– MIMI SEVERA, BLOOMINGDALE, ILL.

DEAR MIMI: I'm sure they will -– and that's no bull. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: We have a cow on our farm named Helen Mae and she hates women. Helen Mae is a beautiful Guernsey with soft brown eyes and a gentle manner, but she won't let a woman within 20 feet of her. She's very friendly to all men whether she's seen them before or not, but any woman who has tried to milk her has had to run for her life. You can't fool Helen Mae, either. She can tell women from men regardless of how they're dressed.

Is there any explanation for this? And if you can find out if there is some way to get Helen Mae to let a woman milk her, I'd appreciate it, as my husband can't always get to her at milking time. –- FARMER'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: None of my farm experts have studied psy-cow-ology, but they tell me that cows have their hang-ups just like humans. However, I'll milk my readers and try to come up with an udder opinion.

DEAR ABBY: I could have been the teen-ager in the letter signed "Had It in Denver." He was the live-in grandfather who complained about his 15-year-old granddaughter's bratty behavior.

My grandmother moved in with my family when I was 15. She shared my room; we even slept in the same bed. It was no secret that I wasn't happy about it. I was jealous of the time Grandma spent with my mom and dad. I never yelled at my parents, but did a few things I was sorry about later.

That grandpa in Denver should talk with his granddaughter and find out her interests and concerns. (That's what my grandma did.) If Grandpa and the girl could find anything in common, maybe he could help her, rather than making things worse by complaining.

As far as Gramps' objection to "no rules, no discipline, no punishment, no guidelines" in their home, I ask, "Oh, really?" House rules may have changed big time in the last 50 years. Maybe Gramps' rules are stricter than her parents'.

Over time, my grandmother and I became good friends. I even interviewed her for my senior term paper on dating customs prior to World War I. It was a hit. (Now THOSE were the days of strict rules and regulations!)

In 1966, my beloved grandma died at the age of 75, three months after my first child was born. I shall forever treasure the close friendship we shared. –- DOROTHY SELLERS, BRAZORIA, TEXAS

DEAR DOROTHY: Your point is well taken. The generation gap can be difficult to bridge, but it's not impossible. Since Grandpa is the adult, the first attempt at peacemaking should be his. As your experience proves, it can be a bonding experience for all concerned.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Id Al-Adha.

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DEAR ABBY: I am the other woman you rarely hear from. I had an affair with a married man and married him after he divorced his wife.

Please warn your female readers that even when an affair leads to marriage, it isn't going to be what they expect.

My husband and I have been married nearly nine years. We have a beautiful daughter. She is the only good thing that has come out of this mess. My husband is selfish and cares only about his own needs. His ex-wife still won't speak to me (not that I want her to), and their son barely acknowledges my existence. All I feel is guilt over breaking up their marriage and remorse for the mess I made of my life.

So, Abby, if any of your readers are dating a married man -- give them this warning: Run for your life now! He may seem sweet and caring, but that is only because he likes the chase. Once he gets you hooked, you will be treated the same way he treats his present wife. If you complain, he will tell you that you "asked for it." After all, you knew he was married. -- SORRY FOR EVERYTHING IN TEXAS

DEAR SORRY: Oh, the lessons that people learn too late. I find it interesting that you describe only men as craving the thrill of the chase. Women, too, get caught up in the excitement and melodrama of seducing another woman's husband. As in your case, they usually wind up getting less than they hoped and more than they bargained for.

Read on for a letter that arrived the day after yours:

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for all the "other" women out there. I dated "Ray," who claimed his marriage was over. Ray did leave his wife, but he was dishonest with her. In fact, I have learned some pretty hard lessons lately.

A married man (or woman) who pursues a new relationship before putting closure on the previous one displays several character flaws: disloyalty, immaturity, dishonesty, and an inability to commit.

I was Ray's third wife. He left each of us under the same circumstances. When the going got tough, he bailed. Like most people, Ray had a pattern. He would meet a woman, start a relationship, then leave his wife. Yes, I won the grand prize, but what a mistake! I would have been better off if I hadn't. I have no doubt that Ray loved me very much. However, he lacks the skills to maintain a healthy relationship. No relationship can be healthy if it starts in a deceitful manner.

If people truly love each other, they should wait until closure is put on the first relationship. It will allow time for healing. One cannot commit fully to a new job until notice is given and the allotted time spent. The same holds true for a relationship. -- RAY'S THIRD WIFE

DEAR WIFE THREE: To quote a well-known advice columnist, "Oh, the lessons we learn too late." Yours was a painful one. But please don't place the blame entirely on Ray. After all, he had a co-conspirator -- you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)